Tuesday, August 29, 2023
Monday, July 31, 2023
Saturday, February 04, 2023
Saturday, January 07, 2023
Sunday, November 27, 2022
It happened again.
Once again, I was left out from the list of people who were invited to an event. I know I was invited as I received the official notice but when they did another round, I was omitted from the list.
I clarified that I was invited and that I should go. But then, I was forgotten once again. It hurt a lot because it's not the first time it happened. All of the people were there except for me. Hay naku. I give up to think I've reminded and requested so many times. I know where I'm not wanted.
Tuesday, October 18, 2022
I'm used to being left out. Happens even to my own family--where people sometimes "forget" to invite me to some gathering and I only get to hear or know about it when somebody tells me or I see pictures of the event.
I should be used to it.
But it still hurts sometimes when I see pictures of events where I'm not invited to but I see people whom I know is there. Makes me think that there's something wrong with me. Or maybe I'm not an exciting or pleasant person to be around.
I am used to it.
That I've learned to shut the world out and keep everything to myself. I've learned to "get over" things because I can't seem to open up to people to way I used to; that I can never find a place where I "truly belong".
Should I get used to it?
No? Maybe? Perhaps? Yes? I don't know. The best that I can do now is to acknowledge my feelings and accept the fact that I cannot please everyone and that there will be people out there who will not like me. Maybe because they're just reacting to how I treat them or how I project to the world. I can be aloof and I can be clueless sometimes. Maybe this was just how I coped.
This is me.
So I guess I just have to live with the version of me and strive to be better and not let these things affect me. I know my worth and I know whose approval and acceptance are important to me.
They are still my family. They are still my friends. I am still me. I guess I just know where I stand and I am mature enough to acknowledge that.
Life goes on. And so must I.
Monday, August 15, 2022
I thought that I was fine being myself when I partially disconnected myself from the world--a by-product of the pandemic in the last 2 years.
Being an original introvert, I had no problems doing things by myself, whether that would involve eating at a restaurant, going to the mall, travelling and what have you. I only relied on myself and thought that I'm capable and strong enough.
But I feel something is wrong.
I've lost the ability to feel, like, I'm resigned to a fate where the outcome is something that I do not want. Simply put, I've lost hope.
I began to feel this way ever since the election results came out last May 9. Some would say that it's just politics and life goes on. But I can't just bring myself to live in a world where the people who I trust to run my government lies to my face and gaslights me into thinking that everything is fine and dandy. Worse, is when people get away from twisting the truth into their favor.
Hopefully, I can snap out of this soon.