I'm used to being left out. Happens even to my own family--where people sometimes "forget" to invite me to some gathering and I only get to hear or know about it when somebody tells me or I see pictures of the event.
I should be used to it.
But it still hurts sometimes when I see pictures of events where I'm not invited to but I see people whom I know is there. Makes me think that there's something wrong with me. Or maybe I'm not an exciting or pleasant person to be around.
I am used to it.
That I've learned to shut the world out and keep everything to myself. I've learned to "get over" things because I can't seem to open up to people to way I used to; that I can never find a place where I "truly belong".
Should I get used to it?
No? Maybe? Perhaps? Yes? I don't know. The best that I can do now is to acknowledge my feelings and accept the fact that I cannot please everyone and that there will be people out there who will not like me. Maybe because they're just reacting to how I treat them or how I project to the world. I can be aloof and I can be clueless sometimes. Maybe this was just how I coped.
This is me.
So I guess I just have to live with the version of me and strive to be better and not let these things affect me. I know my worth and I know whose approval and acceptance are important to me.
They are still my family. They are still my friends. I am still me. I guess I just know where I stand and I am mature enough to acknowledge that.
Life goes on. And so must I.
