WHAT NOW?

It has been a week since our beloved former President Cory was buried and I still can't get over her demise. I purposedly did not write anything about her in my blogs as I feel that enough has already been said. But to still feel this bereft for almost 2 weeks since she passed away, I have to write to try to express what I feel.

Though I only met her once in my life--I just saw her onstage delivering a talk in our alma mater--I feel that a big part of me was gone. I still devour anything written about her. My eyes still tear up whenever I read new stories about her legendary humility and kindness. I would scour the newspapers looking for any new tidbit that the press might have missed during her funeral.

One thing I learned these past two weeks, Tita Cory, though how venerable and saintly other people might proclaim her to be, is not perfect. She knew nothing about running a government but her character helped her with the transition from a dictatorial to a democratic government. It was this character of hers that drove people to the streets either to oust a person in power or to condole with a family in their grief.

I guess people know innate goodness when they see one. I cried buckets when Pope John Paul died as he was the personification of goodness. Though he is only human, he practiced what he preached. He learned to forgive what others might deem impossible and his benevolence shone from him like a beacon, drawing the hopeless into the his light. It's the same case with Tita Cory. Her kindness radiated from her and touched everyone who sees her. It somehow converted the cynics in all of us and made us believe that there are still decent people in our ugly and cruel world.

I plead guilty to the fact that there was a time in my catatonic state that I was wondering why she wanted President Arroyo to resign. Weren't they allies who ousted President Estrada from Malacanang? Why is she trying to shake things when we are on the road to recovery? I would hate it when they would parade down Ayala shouting for leadership change while I peer down from my windowseat wondering if they'll be gone by the time I go home. I was apathetic and I would only think of the pathetic state of our country when I would see the tax withheld from my salary twice a month. I had problems on my own and I refused to think of the state of our nation and the trials that we had. Let the lobbyists and the politicians think about it.

I cried and am still crying because I'm ashamed that with Tita Cory gone, no one will be able to wake me up from indifference. That with her gone, I will end up ashamed of being a Filipino.