Back to Life, Back to Reality

I returned to work last Monday which marked the end of my maternity leave. It was how I expected it to be. I was so sleepy and tired as my body was adjusting to the lack of sleep. I also drove that day so I had to leave extra early being the first day of the week.

Other than that, I still have not figured out my schedule as I had to fit in my pumping around my meetings. I know I should pump every 2 hours but I end up expressing milk every 4 hours instead.

Moreover, I need to wrap my head around the changes in our department's process as well as other changes that happened in the past 3 months that I was away.

But what I really missed most was my son. I missed breastfeeding him any time during the day and have to make do having him latch in the morning when we wake up and when I get home at night.

The woes of the working mom.

Post Partum Depression Is Not a Myth

I belong to an online mommy community where most of the members are breastfeeding advocates. It was through their constant preaching that I decided to breastfeed if ever I get pregnant again.

Lo, and behold, I did! So I conditioned myself on the hardships and complications of breastfeeding. When I gave birth, they brought my newborn to me and immediately latched. I could never be happier.

True enough, breastfeeding is not a walk in the park. The first week was difficult but I never gave up. Every contraction and chapped nipples actually urged me on and I held firm on my resolve.

But what got to me that made me decide to mix feed was post partum depression. 

Contrary to what people think, it's not a myth. One friend even shared that her elders does not believe in it as it only happens in the US. The shift in hormones can really make your brain go haywire. I went through crying spurts and wishing that I never got pregnant. There were moments that I didn't want to see my baby. Having no yaya for a month also added to the cocktail of volatile emotions that it's a big miracle I held everything together and lived to tell the tale.

Two months post partum, I could say I'm in a better place. Still not 100% there but definitely better than where I was a month before. Here are my learnings from my experience:

1. Don't be ashamed to accept or ask for help - having a dependable yaya nowadays is a valuable commodity--like looking for that rare pokemon. In case you're not successful in your search, have your mom or a relative/friend stay with you to help you out or even vice versa. Live with your mom while you're on maternity leave. Nothing like your mom's tender loving care to help you take care of yourself as well as your baby. Though we are painted as such, our superwoman powers can only take us so far. Take that long bath. Have that me time so you can breathe. Have someone wash the clothes or cook the meals. For CS moms (like me), you just went through a major operation. Give your bodies time to heal and recuperate.

In my case, my mother-in-law was a big help. Whenever she's at home, she would take the baby and let me have time to myself. I took my time taking a bath and finally had the chance to scrub off the grime from my operation. 

2. Surround yourself with positive things - itapon lahat ng nega. I didn't watch any heavy drama series during this period. I kept tabs on my favorite ALDUB LT which was my happy pill. I also listened to relaxing music and gorged on interesting shows on TV (FYI is my favorite channel and I want a "Tiny House"!). If you have people around you who think they know better, just tune them out. And if you need to, call a friend just to rant and share what you feel. You really need to get it out and you cannot keep it to yourself. Don't be ashamed that you're crying for no reason at all.

3. Get out of the house - once you're able, get out of your room. A change of scenery will do you good. In case you can't leave the house, go to a different room or get some fresh air. Being cooped up in our room the whole day drove me crazy. I was climbing walls and it added to my depression. Less than one month post partum, I wanted to go back to work! What I did was after lunch, I would bring my son to the den and I would watch my tv shows from there. And then would just go up to our room at twilight. Besides, it's better to stay at the ground floor as I had the misfortune of giving birth during summer. It's hotter at the second floor of the house as the heat rises up.

4. Sleep - better said than done considering your infant does not know how to differentiate night from day. But given a chance, get some rest. Believe me, your brain will conjure more depressing stuff when sleep deprived. Everything will look better after a good night's (or in our case, a couple of hours) sleep. 

During the height of my depression, I confided to a friend and she sent me a Spotify playlist which really let me relax and get some sleep.

5. Breastfeed - this actually releases happy endorphins. So even if I'm mixed feeding, I ensure to do this. It not only benefits him but me as well.

So remember, you are not alone in what you are feeling. Warm hugs to you and know that if I was able to get through it, you will too.

A New Mom the Second Time Around

I'm not a new mom. In fact, my eldest is already 8 years old. But there's a disparity on how I dealt with him when he was an infant compared to my youngest who was just born two months ago.

When Basti was born, I had it easy. I had a nanny who willingly took over in caring for him and I did not breastfeed which certainly made life easier. I slept well at night as it was the yaya who took care of the night feedings. Basically, I was not hands on in raising him.

When I got pregnant again, I swore that I will breastfeed after reading up on the benefits of mother's milk. So I mentally prepared myself for the hardships and when they handed me my baby, I said "I got this."; or so I thought.

my baby boy with his judging eyes :) @ 2weeks

I conditioned my mind that breastfeeding will not be easy but I was not really prepared for it. Though my son latched easily, my milk production was not enough. He would sleep fitfully and would wake up if not every hour, every 2 hours to demand for more milk.And I gave in to his demands sacrificing sleep and my sanity. I clung to my online group of mommy friends and they supported me with advice and answered my questions patiently. I made this my mantra: "one day at a time."

When we left the hospital, my baby's weight dropped to 2.9 kilos. When we returned to his pedia for a check-up after two weeks, he was still at 2.9 kilos and I wanted to cry then and there. Though at the back of my mind, I knew that weight gain was slow for breastfed babies, my sanity was at stake. I don't know if it's just me and if I'm weak but I gave in and agreed to giving my baby formula milk. I immediately felt better afterwards--like a big weight was lifted from my shoulders. I think I'm wired to always have a back-up plan and knowing that I'm the sole source of food for my baby put so much pressure on me. Though I could always ask for donations for breastmilk, it's not something I can depend on all the time.

Liquid gold

However, I still did not stop breastfeeding nor pumping. I still want my baby to have my milk. Everytime he's hungry, I offer my breast first and then if he's still hungry, that's when we give formula. I currently have three pumps here at home. Will write about them in another post.

Everytime I express (either through letdown or through pumping), I'm lucky to get 2 oz. I try to pump or collect milk 4x a day and my son usually just consumes the total amount I collect in just one feeding.

Right now, my son feeds every 3-4 hours. He usually sleeps at 7PM and then wakes up at 11-12. After feeding, that's the time I usually sleep. He then wakes up around 3AM and my husband is the one that takes care of him. He either gives him formula or is given to me for latching.

It may not be the ideal set-up nor what was in my mind when I was preparing myself on our post-pregnancy care but I had to make do with the circumstances.

my baby @ 2 months

I belong to a community that greatly advocates breastfeeding and I was a bit ashamed when I admitted to them that I was giving my baby milk formula. They were still supportive and mentioned that breastfeeding does not define motherhood and I will be the one to know what is best for me and my baby.

It has been two months since I gave birth. My baby has gained 2 kilos since his first check-up and he's quite healthy.  He's also a very social as he would "talk" with anyone who would chat with him. He never fails to make us smile and laugh.

When I gave birth, it was hard for me to see that all the hardships and pain were worth it. Seeing his smile now makes me start to believe that it is indeed worth it.

My Birthing Story - The 2017 Edition

Baby Boy

 
My target date to give birth was March 13 thru CS section. But fate had a different plan for me when the bundle that I've been carrying in my tummy decided to make an appearance on March 4, 2017 at 3:12 in the afternoon. Weighing in at 7 lbs and 6 oz and measuring 59 cm in length, he made quite an entrance.

The Waiting Game

I've been on maternity leave since February 21 when I was having irregular contractions. I was supposed to start my maternity after March 3 but it was becoming difficult to go to the office due to the heaviness of my tummy.

My due date as per my first ultrasound was March 19 but as per my last menstrual period, it's March 11. My OB, Dr. Regina Manahan (who was also my OB during my first pregnancy), opted to be conservative and used the first ultrasound instead. So my 39th week should fall on March 12. She refused to do a CS earlier than the 39th week or if I suddenly contract. 

I didn't know if it was a good idea to go on maternity so early as I was able to finish so many things in my to-do list that I became so bored waiting for my baby to arrive. I took to walking at the mall daily and finish some puzzles to help me cope.

Unlike my previous birthing, we opted for Asian Hospital this time around as we had to take into consideration the horrendous traffic at the Skyway unlike before where taking the Skyway meant faster travel. Moreover, we don't have a nanny yet so we have to stick close to home.


This Is the Day!

Early afternoon of  March 4, my OB called me and asked if I was having any contractions and if I could come over so she could check. So my husband and I brought our things to Asian Hospital and had me checked in at the Genesis center.


We arrived sometime after 1PM where I was immediately hooked to a machine which monitored my contractions as well as the heart rate of the baby. Amazingly, I was already contracting (which I've forgotten hurt like hell. And I've also forgotten the breathing exercises that helped me cope during my first pregnancy) and as per the resident's IE, I was already 1cm dilated. My OB then decided to perform my CS on that day which definitely sounded good for me.

They called in the resident anesthesiologist,  Dr. Cristina Tiongson, who delivered spinal anesthesia in preparation for my CS. This was different from the epidural that was given to me during my first delivery. Instead of sitting down, I was made to lie down on my side. It worked fast because it was less than a minute that I couldn't feel anything below my waist.

They wheeled me in the CS room and prepared me for the operation. However, I began to panic in a sense that I was telling the anes that I couldn't breathe. She mentioned that I have oxygen and I remember trying to move my hands which was secured on the side. Next thing I knew, I was asleep.

I recall waking up just in time to hear everyone call out, "Baby Out!" and I heard my baby cry out LOUD! Boy, was he loud. He was a direct contradiction from his older brother who barely whimpered when he was taken out of my womb 8 years ago.

They immediately brought him to me where he instinctively latched on my breast. Good thing my husband was in the room and took the necessary pictures.

From there, it was another wait for them to sew me back up and brought me over to my own recovery room.

One thing I like Asian over Makati Med, was that the former is more peaceful and quiet. Makati Med was just so noisy and quite a lot of people who will ask you the same questions over and over again. Not surprising considering they are a teaching hospital. At Asian, I had my own recovery room and I liked the care that my son and I got.

My baby and I were brought together to my room at 8 in the evening, 7 hours after I was admitted. I was exhausted and feeling was beginning to return to my legs.And with it, the PAIN.

Pain with a capital P! P%$&*^ I^!

Painless IV insertion FTW!

Since my last operation was 8 years ago, somehow the pain was forgotten. I don't know if it was age or I deliberately forgot the feeling but this time around, everything hurt like hell. My OB gave me three kinds of medication to manage the pain. But when I started breastfeeding, the contractions brought about by the release of oxytoxin hurt a lot. All I could do was whimper every time I would feed my son.


My catheter was removed Sunday evening and I tried sitting and standing up after then. The binder that I was wearing somehow gave me the assurance that everything that should be kept inside is still inside. I walked to the rest room and tried to move around as I wanted to get used to walking immediately.

Sleep was already forgotten as my son would feed almost every hour. As he was purely breastfed, I had to be available all the time whenever he wanted milk. And he can be quite vocal over his demands.

Breastfeeding Friendly

I liked it that the hospital is breastfeeding friendly. They had specialists teaching me to breastfeed and the nurses even know how to make the baby latch. Quite a different experience from MMC 8 years ago (sorry, I just had to make that comparison. I hope that they have improved the last few years).

Breastfeeding is not easy and I envy mothers who are pros at this. I'm glad that Asian has a good support system to ensure that the new mother is equipped with the knowledge as simple as having the baby latch.

Prepubescent Milestone - Done!

Like his older brother, we opted to have our son circumcised immediately after birth. We were pleasantly surprised to know that the pediatric surgeon, Dr. Rodolfo Tuazon, who worked on my older son, also has a clinic at Asian. We contacted him and scheduled the operation when Bennet was 48 hours old.

Actually, some pediatricians and obstetricians can also do the circumcision but his pedia, Dr. Victor Morada nor my OB can do the procedure. Nevertheless, we prefer the surgeon as the process can be quite delicate considering how tiny he is.

We were taught how to clean the small organ (which only involves Betadine) and I cringed when I saw how swollen it became a couple of days after. But afterwards, it cleaned up pretty good.

Price Tag

Ribs

Steak

 
At Makati Med, I remember our bill reaching P180K including all the PFs and the 4 day stay (excluding the horrendous parking fee. Boo MMC for not offering free parking for your in-patients. Another plus for Asian as we had free parking the whole time I was confined). Eight years after considering inflation and additional tax of the doctors, my total bill (including that of my son's and his circumcision procedure) reached P230K. I had a small private room and all the professional fees of the doctors were paid directly to the hospital. Another wonderful thing because the last time, I had to go to the doctor's offices and pay there.

I think the price increase is relatively small and I'm happy about it. My OB's fee doubled from the last time and we somehow expected it. However, it's still relatively modest compared to that of other doctors. She's worth it though as she took really good care of me and according to my husband, my CS scar is unnoticeable until I pointed it out to him.

There are also additional perks for giving birth at Asian:
- Steak and ribs dinner for two
- Baby bag with free diapers

I don't know if there are others but the dinner was wonderful and delicious.

Oh, and they send text messages for reminders (about my son's birth certificate) and even messaged me asking me if my wound has healed.

SUMMARY:

Hospital: Asian Hospital
Date of Confinement: March 4, Saturday; Discharged on March 7, Tuesday morning. Was only charged for three days.
Procedures Involved: Cesarean for me; Circumcision for baby including the following tests and vaccines -- Hepa B (given immediately after birth), BCG; Newborn hearing screening, cardiovascular test, Newborn Screening, blood typing
Obstetrician and Gynecologist: Dr. Regina Manahan
Anesthesiologist: Dr. Cristina Tiongson
Pediatrician: Dr. Victor Morada
Pediatric Surgeon: Dr. Rodolfo Tuazon
Total Hospital Bill + PF: P230K

Milk

When I was pregnant, I swore to myself that I will exclusively breastfeed my baby. No formula for him for the next 3 months! Well, I thought wrong.

A few hours after I gave birth, the baby was brought to me to breastfeed. I immediately brought him to my breast and thought that was it. But Basti wouldn't latch. We continued on for several tries but to no avail until his cries finally unnerved me. I broke down and asked the pedia to prescribe formula for him.

For two weeks, until we got home, I could only count the number of times that I was able to successfully breastfeed my baby. It has become a stressful time for the both of us as he would cry when he couldn't latch and I would cry with him feeling that I failed him somehow. We became dependent on the formula to feed him and seldom breastfed him as much as I wanted. I pumped milk from my breasts but I only do it so often as it was so tedious and I can't get enough milk as I would want from my manual pump.

However, this changed when he caught a cold on his 3rd week. It was too soon for him to get sick and this was because he did not have enough of my anti-bodies to fight off the germs. Thankfully, the pedia did not prescribe any antibiotics yet. I hunkered down, researched tips on breastfeeding over the web and steeled my resolve to breastfeed my son and I won't let his cries affect me.

Thank God my husband has been so supportive through the whole thing. After a few tries, my baby and I found the right positions for him to latch and breastfeed comfortably. We still mix feed but I ensure to give him as much of my milk as I can. After a week of breastfeeding, his cold was gone and we could breathe a sigh of relief.

I still continue to breastfeed him and I'll continue to do so as much as I can. Just last week, we learned to breastfeed while lying down and we were both happy with that. I didn't have to strain my injured wrist further.

I'll be returning to work in three weeks and hopefully, I'll be able to express some milk even with my hectic and busy schedule at work.

Picture taken from http://sayyestobreastfeeding.com/