Comforting with Grace

Since we're in the subject of death, last Saturday, one of my colleagues told me that his grandmother passed away last Wednesday. I quickly conveyed my condolences and mentioned that it's never easy to lose a loved one.

This morning, I dug out my copy of Rita Avila's 8 Ways to Comfort with Grace with I wrote about here. With a lot of people passing away, I'm sometimes at a loss on how to comfort them. Though I've read her book before, I tend to forget.

Probably the best advise she gave was: "offer any little help that you can give". I've been losing relatives 2 years in a row (my last grandparent in 2012 and my paternal uncle in 2013). I couldn't offer much consolation for my mom as she's in the US at that time but I helped out the only way that I can to ease their grief--which was to arrange for my grandmother's burial here in the country (it's not easy and entails a lot of coordination. Although big kudos to St. Peter's for a job well done on that). When my uncle died last year, I also did what my dad asked me with minimal fuss. They mentioned that I was a big help to them in comforting them but I did not understand why. I guess now, I do.

As for my colleague, I already conveyed my condolences through text last Saturday. I'm glad though that I asked him about it and that I learned it directly from him. When I get back to work tomorrow, I'll probably just say a few more words and ask him if he would need further time-off.

8 Ways to Comfort with Grace

I've always followed Rita Avila's journey towards motherhood, ever since I saw her being interviewed at the defunct S-Files wherein she shared her frustration on getting pregnant. I felt mad in her behalf when the show somehow twisted the story of her dolls. See, her husband bought her two dolls which they treated as their babies. The talk show somehow insinuated that she lost her mind in treating the dolls as real life people. Of course she was the guest and she cleared it up afterwards but some people can just be very insensitive in the feelings of other people.

I was overjoyed for her when she gave birth to a baby boy November 2006 but that feeling of joy turned into sorrow when I read in Ricky Lo's column at the Philippine Star that they lost their baby due to a heart ailment a month after his birth.

Almost two years after the death of her child, she came out with a small book titled "8 Ways to Comfort with Grace". It contains tips on how to comfort grieving people. I wanted to buy it as I'm always at a loss when I find myself in such a situation. Usually, I just sit with the crying person and offer my shoulder to cry on and try not to say anything. So when Leo and I went to the Bookfair today, I really looked for her book amongst the dozens of exhibitors that covered the whole floor area and was glad when I found it with minimal help from the Secretariat.

Upon getting home, it was the first book I read. I was really touched by her story. Maybe because I have relatives and friends who share her story as well. I'm glad too that the way I comfort is considered acceptable. I try as much as possible, to be sensitive to the feelings of the grieving party as I try to put myself in their place. After all, I have lost people who are dear to me so I could relate to their grief.

I really do recommend this book. It's published by St. Paul and cost me only P100 (it was on sale as it was the Bookfair but regular price is P125).