My father passed away in the early morning hours of Tuesday, November 12, 2024. He died peacefully in his sleep, just the way he wanted it.
Prior to that, he was heavily on pain meds due to his prostrate cancer that metastasized to his bones and other parts of his body. It was not only painful for him, but for his family who had to witness his pain.
If there's one thing that the past months have taught me, is to prioritize my health. As someone who has these deadly illnesses in our family blood, I might have to face it sooner in my life. But I'd rather avoid it or at least catch it early on, thus the frequent check-ups with my various doctors. Fortunately, they all spit me out with a clean bill of health in my latest check-up.
I'm not only saying goodbye to my dad in this post but for this 2024 as well. I thought 2023 was terrible, but this year has proven to be the worst in my whole life. I pray that I won't have to encounter any year like this one, for the rest of my life.
Not only did I have to face the awful side of office politics, but death in our family as well. During those dark days, I had only my faith to cling to and that eventually, all things will come to pass. And it did.
I came out stronger and wiser though I'm not sure if the cost that I had to pay was worth it. My mental health took a beating and I had to resort to seeing a psychiatrist to help me get through it.
Now, I feel that I have this line that anyone outside cannot cross. It is something that I need in order to protect myself because I feel if I let someone in and something happened which I cannot control, I won't be able to survive the outcome.
I know that I've changed a lot in the past years or so. I grew up fast and my heart certainly broke so much. I might be more jaded now and have lost most of my optimism but I'll know I'll be better and that I'll survive.
There's a part of me that hopes that I'll still retain my sunny and positive outlook in life -- the side of me that endeared me to many people. Maybe someday, I'll get it back but I'll spend the rest of the holidays to heal and to find myself. And hopefully, make peace with the new version of myself--how good or bad it may be.
With that said, Merry Christmas everyone and hope that you'll be able to find the true meaning of this holiday season. May you be able to spend it with your loved ones without the toxicity that family gatherings can sometimes bring. May you be able to forgive past hurts and live with the thought that there are some hurts that takes time to heal while others takes just a simple "sorry".
Whatever you decide to spend it, may your hearts be merry and may your days be bright.
May the Lord bless you and keep you.
