Sunday, December 28, 2003

FILMFEST #1: Crying Ladies

Watched "Crying Ladies" with my friends today. We actually got together since our friend Max is in Manila only for a short while before he leaves for Cebu after the holidays.

I expected the Sharon Cuneta film to be humorous but instead, was pleasantly surprised to see that it's worthy of note. It's definitely far from her usual fare of heavy drama. She did have crying scenes here but it's part of her character. She, together with the characters of Hilda Koronel (who actually carried the film and is more believable and better than Ate Shawie) and Angel Aquino were hired by the character of Eric Quizon to cry at the wake and burial of his dad. Sharon got the accent and mannerisms right but she seems to be too polished to be believable as a relatively poor person. Hilda Koronel was hilarious as a former actress who plays a stage mother to her pretty daughter. Angel Aquino was interesting as a devout Catholic who wants to atone for her perennial sin of adultery.

I had fun watching the whole movie moreover when I verified the accents of the Chinese people (especially that of Eric Quizon's) and the burial custom with Allan (who's as pure Chinese as they come). There are a lot of hilarious scenes to watch out for. Except for a few inconsistencies, I find the movie praiseworthy and really deserves the Best Picture win of the Manila Filmfest

Friday, December 26, 2003

Merry Christmas!

I can't believe that it's over. That must be the most exhausting Christmas I've ever had. Oh wait! There's still New Year! Hmmm...if I survived Christmas, I know I'll survive that.

We spent Christmas eve at our grandparents' house in Makati. It's been tradition that we spend it with them. None of us is excused from that gathering (unless you're out of the country). It's the time that my grandfather also gives out his pamasko. It has been the same amount ever since I was born and it has not changed. Nevertheless, it was still fun.

The gift-giving was ok. I got two items from my wish list--well sort off. My sister and her husband got me the Pug. Well, sort of a pug. It's actually a doggy bank in the shape of a pug. It's so cute! My brother and his wife got me a Lord of the Rings: Return of the King shirt with Legolas featured in front. I almost swooned in delight. I gave them towels with their names on them which they liked. I gave my twin sister shirts which I hope would fit her (according to my mom, who was with me when I bought those shirts, they would fit).

As for my dad, I gave him the new Josh Groban cd and a plaque from Papemelroti saying "Please stop smoking. We want to die of natural causes" or something like that. We've been urging him to stop smoking but he's a bit hard-headed about it.

My lolo loved the gift that I gave him. It's a book of Kapampangan stories. In his old age, he loves anything that has to do with his home town.

Of course, there were downsides to that gathering, like my ref cakes which I was supposed to give away suddenly disappearing for one. I already have an inkling where they went but since it was Christmas, I did not pursue the issue.

As for Christmas Day, my father and I heard mass in the morning then we went home. We basically stayed here the whole day doing nothing except watching dvd's. We had a Lord of the Rings marathon (which made my butt hurt) and saw our maid off as she goes to her home province for her annual Christmas vacation. We insisted that she returns in two weeks though because last year she was gone for almost a whole month. Fortunately, most of us here at home are on vacation which would enable us to do the chores.

I badly need to go to the parlor for a pedicure, facial and the works. With most of the holiday stress over, I need to recuperate. Am going back to work on Monday and Tuesday and then there's another 5 day holiday for us. Work starts again on the 5th and my classes on the 7th. Can't wait to get started.

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Happy Holidays!

I can't believe it's already Christmas! After all the rushing and pressure, it's finally here!

This Christmas is different as compared to the previous Christmases that I've had. I was not able to participate in he traditional Simbang Gabi's or the carollings. I owe my absence to the demands of work and early on, the demands of my studies. I went to confession last night and I shared this to the priest. His advice was simple and I could not help but shed a tear as I poured out my frustrations. I've always known the answer all along and he just repeated what it's in my head and my heart. With all the things that I have missed to do this holiday season, it might mean that I'm changing. That as I advance in life, my priorities and needs change. I realized that he's right. I could not participate in the simbang gabis due to my work and studies. I could not participate in the church activities because I want to spend time with my family.

Ah yes, family. In devoting myself to my numerous extra-curricular activities and my work, I've somehow neglected my relationship with my family. For the past few weeks, I find myself spending more time at home and going out with them. I'm thinking that next holy week, I'm planning to go out of town with them. It's been a long time since we went out of town together.

I'm going to do some last minute Christmas shopping tomorrow. I still haven't bought a gift for my dad. I knew I would forget something even if I did my shopping early this month. Afterwhich, I'm going to bake some cookies which we're going to bring to our noche dinner with our grandparents.

On Saturday, we're attending the wedding of an officemate. I bought a dress this afternoon which I will wear to the event. Thinking that I could wear it again. It's a nice lavander colour.

Monday, December 22, 2003

"You Owe Me Awe!"

The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
(possible spoilers)

That line echoed in my ahead after watching movie. Maybe that was why I kept my friends awake trying to remember which movie that line came from (a couple of hours later, I remembered! It was uttered by Ralph Fiennes character in the movie Red Dragon during the scene with the tabloid reporter). Awe is definitely what we owe the movie, Mr. Jackson and the cast. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King deserves nothing less.

It deserves the title "Best Movie Ever Made" and being an avid movie watcher myself, this title does not come lightly. Now I know I have a ready and right answer every time somebody asks me "What is your favorite movie?" I haven't watched a movie that evoked every emotion from me and were my emotions ever evoked! I laughed, I cried, I screamed in fright.

The whole movie deserves tons of awards. I wish there would be a category for "Best CGI Performance". Shelob and Gollum deserves such an award. They really did good work on the spider and Gollum...Gollum just leaves me speechless.

When Sam said, "Let it go, Mr. Frodo," in the movie's climax, I can't help but relate to the incident. Not only does it involve certain aspects of my life, but I knew I had to let go of the movie as well. Three years is a bloody long time to watch a movie but we've learned to love Middle Earth and all that it encompasses. For three years, we celebrated Christmases with visions of magnificent battle scenes, well-executed shots and heart-wrenching cinematography dancing above our heads. For the past three years, we had something to look forward to during Christmas which made me think what would next Christmas bring?

I cried when the movie ended because I knew it was time to let go. Good bye, Middle Earth. Hope to see you once again. (but then, there's always the books!).

Sunday, December 14, 2003

Driving Ms. Sunshine

We went to the 101st birthday celebration of my lolo's eldest sister at Ayala Heights somewhere in Quezon City. I met some older cousins who I haven't seen in ages and a "kababata" who I haven't seen in years. It was fun reacquainting ourselves with our respective lives and stuff. Moreover knowing that I already have nieces and nephews abounding.

I also met a relative who happens to be a newscaster at a local channel (I think she also did a tv ad for a facial wash) and another cousin who's a close aid of GMA. It was fun though even if I vaguely remember most of their names.

During a lull in the celebration, I invited my brother to accompany me to practice my driving skills. I didn't realize that that would be a big mistake. Being a driving novice, I had no idea that the subdivision's hills with humps would be a humongous obstacle for my minuscule driving talent. I ended up inadvertently killing the motor more than once (while "hanging") and almost crashing into vehicles twice. It was really scary and I shed buckets of sweat the whole time. Going through that makes me wonder whether learning how to drive is worth it. Moreover with the maniac drivers abounding the city.

Friday, December 12, 2003


WARNING: This post is a rant and could be highly depressing. If you don't want your day ruined, kindly leave and come back some other day when I have something more cheerful posted.

I can very much identify with Avril when she sang, "It's not supposed to hurt this way." That's basically how I feel right now.

It's my first day back to work after my finals and everything was not going right. I discovered that my People's magazine issue this week was stolen from my desk last night. Other than that, my pc was acting up the whole day which prevented from processing applications as much as I would want. Curse words were also my favorite sayings today. That's definitely not me. Once I start cursing a streak, there must be something really wrong.

I've never hated Christmas season as I do now. It's Friday night and while riding the taxi on my way home, the taxi driver played Christmas songs interpreted by Celine Dion. I don't know if it was the song or Dion's caterwauling but I just broke down and cried.

I still can't figure out why I cried. Maybe because I was so lost and lonely with the loneliness biting my ass and munching heartily. Maybe because of nothing else to think about, I could not escape the reality that has been hounding my heels these past months. I remember posting something about it some weeks back, about my siblings getting married. That really got the tears going.

An officemate noticed my mood and asked if I was a member of the SMC (Samahang Malalamig ang Christmas). I affirmed and he asked if I was also an active member of the SGV (Samahang Galit sa Valentine's). I said I'm more of an SMC than an SGV with the fact that I have to suffer through Christmas longer than Valentine's. Valentine's is just one day while Christmas runs up to two months.

Oh God, I hate Christmas. Let this be over soon.

I can't help but also feel guilty whenever I feel this way. Christmas is also the official celebration of the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. All day I kept on repeating that to myself, but the feeling still won't go away.

This is ironic considering I have started giving away Christmas goodies to my officemates. Guess no one could accuse me from being a scrooge.

Please don't let it be this way.

Thursday, December 11, 2003


It's over! I can't believe it's over! I survived my first finals week in Graduate School! Oh happy happy joy joy!

I can actually go back to work with that issue off my mind. The next thing I need to worry about is how to catch up on my work since I was on leave for the past two days and a half.

Overall, I really enjoyed my first term. Pressure and stress aside, it was indeed interesting and an experience in itself. Maybe my brain was craving for the knowledge that it appreciated my jump into graduate school. Moreover, my current studies helped me appreciate my job and created some sort of structure from all the learnings that I had culled in my four years with the bank.

Next term, I'm taking up a core subject (Management Science) and a pre-MBA subject (Financial Accounting). I think I made the mistake of taking up two math subjects in one term. I can take the math, it's just that it takes me quite some time before my brain can absorb a certain concept. That's why I had to work twice as hard to keep up with my groupmates. My groupmates are math gods (not surprising since one is a comsci graduate while the other is an engineering graduate) and our group meetings always leave me speechless.

I also decided to TRY to at least get an honorable mention upon graduation. Yes, I know it's ages away and it's very presumptuous of me to say so, but at least I have that goal in mind. That's a very difficult goal for me considering that I was not considered as an achiever when I was taking up my undergraduate studies. Maybe because I did not take my studies seriously then.

But then, that might be another source of stress for me, which is the last thing I need. I just received the results of my annual medical exam and the prognosis is not too good. Let's just say that if my mom got wind of the results, she will throw a fit since she has already forewarned me and I did not listen to her.

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Finals Week

Sometimes I take myself too seriously. My finals is one prime example of this.

I took a leave of absence from work to study and do my final papers. Everything is pushed at the sidelines until I finish my exams. I can't understand why my way of thinking is this way considering I'm not supposed to be as pressured as I was in college. Everytime I find myself falling into despair just because my linear regression formula does not want to work or I could not understand the concept of homoestasdicity (I don't even know if I spelled it right), I remind myself that there is life after the finals. I would minimize my excel and word screens and play a round of spider solitaire.

Because of my studying, my room is a big mess. My books and case papers are lying all around, ready to be picked up if I need to refer to something. As long as I can make it through tomorrow, then I'll be fine. Next thing I need to do is to finish wrapping up my gifts.

I think I'm turning into a scrooge. Don't get me wrong. I don't scrimp on gifts nor do I hide from my ever-growing number of godchildren. It's just I'm learning to dread the Christmas season. It's turning into the most hated season for me. Rather ironic since just early this year, it was my favorite time of the year. It must be the commercialism that got to me.

You know, I don't think this way before. I'm not even supposed to think this way. Maybe graduate school changed my way of thinking and turned me into a person reeking of commercialism. It made me see Christmas not as a season of joy, love and peace but a season of exchange gifts and stress.

It's not supposed to hurt this way.

Sunday, December 07, 2003

Return of the King

Fourteen days to go and the journey will end.

I got my premier tickets for Return of the King this afternoon at Greenhills. At least I can rest easy now. I don't think I can wait until January to watch the movie. For fantasy buffs like me, that will be an eternity.

I remembered reading the about Middle Earth when I was a kid. I saw the collection sitting on top of my aunt's television. Being the bookworm that I was (read: nerd) and seeing that it's a classic (the edition is as old as I am!), I borrowed it from her and never returned it. The prose can be a bit tedious to read but the universe that Tolkien crafted is the birthplace of the worlds created by other fantasy writers.

I could barely remember the story when my friends and I bought tickets to the first Lord of the Rings movie. All I know is that they're very excited about it. Three hours later, I suddenly remembered why I'm such a fan. I really can't wait!

CHRISTMAS PARTY #1 (and counting)

December 1 does not only mean that the birth of Christ is a few days away, but it's also the start of a string of Christmas parties.

My first Christmas party this year is that of our bank. It was held last Friday at Makati Shangri-la. It was the best so far and I truthfully mean that. Deviating from the usual prizes of appliances, our benevolent CEO (sipsip!) gave away trips abroad. Originally it was supposed to be trips for two to Hongkong, Bangkok and Europe. An hour before announcing the trip to Europe prize, Mr. Simon Morris (our CEO) suddenly announced that they will be giving another prize and that's a trip to Australia! No one left (except for a few) that night and we stayed until 12 midnight waiting for the announcement. Unfortunately, I did not win but I still had a great time. Moreover, with our division winning the Christmas presentation. Too bad I had no part of it this time since I was too busy with work and studies to attend the practices. I guess we're thankful to the "Otso-0tso" craze for winning the prize for us.

I have another party coming up on the 19th and some others which I don't want to attend but we'll just see.


Our group of 3 had our case presentation last Thursday. I'm proud to say that it turned out quite well. Our classmates actually applauded our presentation and our professor heaped us praises. My groupmates are indeed very brilliant and I give them credit for my good grades. Jek and Ryan made my first term in La Salle very memorable and worthwhile indeed. They helped me understand the concepts being taught to us by our very abled professor, Mr. Montesclaros, and they never hesitate to answer even my most inane questions. Having them as groupmates also made me strive to study harder so I could contribute something to our case papers. I am truly blessed.

Thursday, December 04, 2003

Birthday Girl

"It's my party and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cryyyyy if I want to. You would cry too if it happened to you!"

I can't recall offhand who sang that song but I remember it being included in one of Cher's movies (but then I could be wrong).

The reason why that song came up is that it's my birthday today (actually yesterday. It's already 1237 am of December 4 by my watch)! I just turned 28 and I'm proud of it. It's been a rather hectic day.

There are three highlights of my day. First, a really good friend sent me an appropriate and heartfelt greeting. It just simple said: "I doubt you'll get your peace on earth in our lifetime,so I'll wish you peace in your heart." With all the things that are happening in my life right now, I really REALLY needed that.

Today was also the first time when I received almost 40 messages from different people wishing me happy birthday. Does that mean that there are people out there who really care for me?

The third highlight was when I dropped by to attend a prayer meeting after class. I only stayed for an hour because my mom is leaving in a few hours and I wanted to spend the next few hours with her. We had some snacks and they honored me and my co-birthday celebrant with words of support, friendship and love. They truly are great people.

I also received some really nifty gifts. From my officemates, I got a bottle of Eve cologne from Plains and Prints which I have so wanted for the longest time. One of my staff also gave me a bilao of biko. A good friend from the community gave me a book which somehow appeased my turmoiled soul. To top it off, my Tita Rosa gave me a copy of "The Book of Jabez". I've so wanted a copy of this book for the longest time but was not able to buy it.

All these things basically tell me one thing--that I am a blessed soul. I have friends and family who has always and will continue to care for me. For that, I will be forever thankful.

Sunday, November 30, 2003

Sunrise, Sunset

It's been awhile ever since I've seen a sunrise. I can still remember the last time I saw one. It was the summer of 1995 at Sariyaya, Quezon. I guess it's just apt that I'd see my next sunrise at the same town albeit a different resort.

It took us 4 hours just to get to this place. It was dusk when we arrived yesterday. The last time I was in this town, we were at a beach. This time, we are somewhat on higher ground. I could barely read the sign when we arrived but it's something like a members-only resort where they have these wonderful amenities for members. Something like Tagaytay Highlands but more of the low-end side.

We came here to celebrate my Dad's 56th birthday. I haven't really counted how many we are in the party but I roughly estimate around 30 people (including the kids). That's 30 people crammed in 2 Adventures, 1 CRV and 1 Honda Civic. Due to the limited number of rooms, we pitched tents and 8 of us young'uns slept comfortably in this humongous tent that we set up amidst headlights of cars.

I woke up at 4 am and I couldn't go back to sleep anymore. Probably because I slept at 1030 pm and that's relatively early for me considering that my bedtime is at midnight or maybe I'm not used to the strong winds buffeting our tent. It's a good thing that my mom insisted that I bring my laptop (she was supposed to print the calendar that she's going to bring to the US when she leaves this Thursday). I pulled it out from its case and ensconced myself on the patio where I'm typing this and my notes on my final paper for my Statistics class.

Going back to the sunrise, it's really breathtaking to watch. From the darkness, the sky tinged pink then this wonderful shade of blue. Think corel or some paint program where there's different shades and hues. The sky is one big paint palette. One side in different shades of pink and one side in different shades of blue. There's birds chirping in the background (although I could do away with the sound of the generator and aircon). I could see the man-made lagoon from where I'm at. The sky reflecting on this clear surface. I can't wait to go boating in its calm waters later. Or probably take a dip in the pool. Hopefully it'll be much warmer later on.

According to computer time, it's already 543 am. For the first time since we arrived, I could see where we're at. The light is similar to that when we arrived last night, barely light and barely dark. The eastern sky which is at my left is now turning reddish pink. The mountains at my right look dark and foreboding. I'm not quite sure of my geography but I would guess that it's Mount Banahaw. I'll confirm that later. In the meantime, there's a cloud covering the mountaintop, letting me imagine how cold it must be up there.

It's much lighter now and I now can appreciate the beauty around me. Unfortunately, it also made me see some of the ugliness. There's a factory in the horizon spewing thick black smoke. I would not want to know what kind of smoke that is.

I'm not quite sure of what activities are planned for us today. I have two options actually. To go boating at the lake or go swimming at the pool. Or I could sleep later on. Nah. I'll sleep in the car on the way home. Four hours is hell on my back.

Speaking of my back, I've been having these horrible lower backaches lately. According to my masseuse, it's work-related. Maybe I should ask for hazard pay. At least I don't have tension headaches...yet.

We bought a car last Friday. A 1994 silver 2-door Honda Hatchback. It's really cute and just right for us siblings. My sisters are very excited about it. Cheryll already got a non-pro license. I still have to freshen up my skills before I can get a license. It's been more than 10 years ever since I drove.

It's already 6 am. That's enough typing and thinking now. It's light enough for me to find my way to the lake. I need the exercise and the fresh air.

Thursday, November 27, 2003


I'm having problems with my statistics final paper. With less than three weeks to go until the deadline, I still haven't started on anything. I can't seem to decide on which area of our department I will do the study on. Our department is a bottomless pot of information which is rich for testing. I have talked with my bosses and they're quite excited of the fact that someone will be doing the testing for them. Thing is, we also can't agree on what I would test.

I also stayed up late last night talking to an old (and i mean that in every sense of the word) friend. He basically ranted about the state of the Philippine economy and how it will get worse. He also mentioned that most of the people that he knows are migrating to other countries and asked if I have plans of doing so to. I just shrugged and told him that I'm apathetic. That drew amusement from him. He might have been probably offended too considering that he's from UP.

He also observed that there's something different with me lately. That I seemed to have lost "life". That caught me aback because I realised that it was true. I was half asleep when he said this so I could barely form a coherent reply. Rather than blurt out disjointed phrases and sentences which might put me on the spot, I opted to keep quiet. It also made me think of the reason.

Why have I lost my "life"? Has work and studies literally eaten me alive? Or am I just using that as an excuse to cover up the real issue? This could also be connected to the apathetic issue. It's scaring me that I'm feeling that old feeling again which I last felt when I was in college. I'm feeling nothing.

Yes, it's possible to feel nothing. That is what's scary about the whole thing. I don't dare dwell on the ramifications because I have a feeling that whatever would spring up would further suck me down in the muck of misery. That I do not need right now.

I guess it's back to studying again. At least I can control that little corner of my world.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Christmas Shopping

I went Christmas shopping today at Divisoria. This is the third year in a row that I did my Christmas shopping as early as end of November. Fortunately, I was able to get half of what was on my list. I'm returning next week to finish off my list.

Divisoria is the same as always. Lots of bargain stuff. My Php2,000.00 went a long long way. If I shopped at Megamall, I would only be able to buy one item compared to the bags of stuff that I bought.

Children would no doubt be going gaga over the toys that I found there. Adults are the difficult ones to find gifts for. I've decided to just give food to the adults. You'll never go wrong. The only time that you'll be able to go wrong is if the person that you gave food to is allergic to it.

Monday, November 24, 2003


I'm not much of a fangirl. I mean I don't go around idolizing people and collecting memorabilia of their personal items. However, I am a fan of several writers and artists wherein I collect their works. There are times that I go out of my way to meet them and get their autographs.

I remember the time when I dragged a friend to accompany me to a book signing of Pugad Baboy where I brought with me my collection of PM Jr.'s swiney masterpieces. I even emailed him previously telling him how much I enjoyed his humour. Unfortunately though, he was only able to sign half of my collection.

There was also the time where I made an unscheduled visit to Megamall just to have Arnold Arre sign my copy of "Beyond Eden" which is a wonderful love story and "Trip to Tagaytay" which has a futuristic theme. It was an honor to meet him but unfortunately, I was too shy to stay and chat with him. He did tell me that I share the same name with one of his characters in the comic book.

I also had a friend bring my Charleson Ong books to school since Mr. Ong is his professor for a creative writing class. I did get my autographs but I did not meet him personally.

But with Lyndon Gregorio (which is a pseudonym), creator of the Beerkada comic strips, I not only had all my Beerkada books autographed (well except for Doug and Kitten), but I had the honor of having coffee and chatting with him as well! (So much for not being a fan girl). We stayed in Starbucks for an hour where we talked about hobbies and interests. I would consider it an honor if I was able to provide him cannon-fodder, errrr, inspiration for his future strips.

Here's to more Beerkada books!

Sunday, November 23, 2003


With the duration of my mom's stay here in Manila, she demanded that we leave our Sundays free for us to have lunch together. This was the second Sunday wherein we were able to eat lunch at the same time. It was a touching moment except the time when they started planning the weddings.

My brother is having his church wedding December next year while my two other sisters will be having a double wedding January of 2005. While they were doing all the planning and talking, all I wanted to do was slink away. All the wedding talk made me come face to face with what I do not have.

I am perceived as a person who's good at what she does at work and would no doubt, succeed. I am perceived as someone who chose this path. Someone who chose her career over having a family or love. I wish it was that. I chose this path because this is what is laid out for me. However, in my heart, all I want is to have a family and live a simple life. That is all I want in life, but I will be damned if I will marry the next available guy. I don't want to make myself more miserable than I already am.

Nevertheless, I take this path with eyes open and with great hope that I will still have what I want in life. But if that is not God's will, then I will just pray for strength to accept what is given to me. Moreover, having the strength to survive those upcoming weddings. I'm sure I will have to contend with the questions and pitying looks that I will get knowing that I'm the only unmarried sibling left.

Sunday, November 16, 2003

Best Christmas Present!

I am writing this blog entry from this spanking new laptop that my mom gave me for christmas/birthday (we supposedly shared the cost). It's what I've always wanted. A piece of hardware which I can use for my own without sharing. I think I'm making progress here. First of all, a room of my own, and now my very own laptop. It was the first thing that my mom took out and gave me. While my siblings were fighting over everything that my mom took out from her balikbayan boxes and suitcases, I was content to sit in my very own corner tinkering with this wonderful piece of machinery.

This machine is not EXACTLY new. It's secondhand. Good condition for a second hand thing. I think my mom used it for several months before buying one for herself. She left it in the US and gave me this instead. I'm not complaining. I'm still happy.

I don't know what makes me happier, the point that my mom gave me a laptop, or the point that I don't have to share it. Throughout my years of growing up, I ALWAYS have to share something with siblings. Don't get me wrong. I don't mind sharing. It's one of the values that were taught to us while we were growing up. Heck, it was drilled into us by our parents and our teachers. However, there are times when you need a piece of yourself. Something which you don't have to share.

I've always been a techie. That's why I almost took up computer science as a college course (well, I did for five terms and then I shifted out). I've often marveled how wonderful technology is and how advanced these new machines are. I've always wanted one but I felt that it is way beyond my reach. My mom, sort of consuelo and the carrot which she dangled in front of a stick, used the gift of a laptop for me to take up my masterals in business. As it turns out, she has so long wanted for me to take up my masterals but have long given up on telling me what to do. It just took so long for me to decide and figure things out for myself. Yeah, that's what I am--a late bloomer.

I guess you could call it the best Christmas/birthday gift I received. I don't want to sourgrape or to downplay these wonderful blessings that I have received, but the thing that my heart has so long wanted to have these past few years, I can't seem to have. Instead, God has blessed me with all these material things. I guess this is just a lesson that I can't have them all.


One thing on having your birthday near Christmas, people tend to give you one gift for both occasions. To spare my friends and relatives the agony of thinking what to get me for both, herewith is my wish list:

1. Two Towers 4cd dvd.
2. Lord of the Rings tshirt
3. Pug (cream coloured)
4. Bookshelf/books
5. A date!
6. Music cds and dvd (CSI season 2)
7. Something which I can put in my room
8. Trip to Cebu/Palawan
9. Make-up (anti-allergy stuff)
10. Gift certificate for any spa/body massage place

Sunday, November 09, 2003


I just had a really stressful weekend.

I attended a birthday party of our friend, Eddie, at Laguna Friday night. We traveled for an hour and half just to get there and stayed up to 3 am singing and drinking. We woke up 7 am to hear news about a colonel who was killed while holding hostage an airport control tower.

I returned back to the office around 11 am to meet with my Information Management group mates and do a bit of work. I quit around 2 pm and accompanied my officemate to the mall to wait for her husband. After which, I hurried back home and collapsed on my bed. I woke up after 3 hours of sleep and worked on the stuff that I brought home from the office.

This morning, I opted not to attend to my choir duties and heard mass at the chapel nearby. I spent the early morning reviewing the case for our meeting late this morning. I met with my Statistics group mates for around 3 hours. After that, I did my grocery shopping and went home to collapse in bed and sleep again.

I spent the better part of the evening finishing up on my performance appraisal and answering some personality tests. I also tried doing my statistics homework but could not understand a damn thing about analysis of variances (ANOVA). Things are getting more complicated. Heck, I should start thinking of my final paper already!

I also tried watching TV but nothing’s good on. Jason X was on HBO but I was laughing the whole time. It followed its usual formula of high body count = good horror movie. Of course, the first people who got killed are those teenagers who were having sex. I swear, the Catholic Church can use the Jason series as a marketing tool to enhance their stance vs. pre-marital sex--if you practice pre-marital sex, you’ll literally go to hell, with Jason leading the way.

My mom's arriving from the US this Friday laden with our Christmas gifts and other stuff. What I'm really excited about is the laptop which she bought me AND my Two Towers DVD. Now if I can find the time to watch it. Heck, I'm not even halfway through with the "24" series which my officemate lent me.

Speaking of "24", I recommend this series to you all. It's absolutely full of suspense and would keep you in tenterhooks as to what will happen to who. Jack Bauer (brilliantly played by Keifer Sutherland--who is starting to look more like his father) plays the CTU (Counter-Terrorist Unit) boss who managed to beat all odds and could double as superman with his heroic attempts. It's not far-off enough that even if we suspend our disbelief, it's still believable. Not like LXG where my disbelief cannot go very far (i.e. Nemo's ship getting into the canals of Venice. That did not definitely sit well with me. Moreover seeing that the houses are literally built on stilts. DOH!!!!).

Friday, November 07, 2003


I got my grade for my first statistics exam today. Wonder of wonders, I got a freaking 94! It was a wonderful surprise because I’ve always thought that I’m horrible in Math. It’s the first time EVER that I got a line of 9 in a math-related exam, moreover knowing that I’m part of the top 10. Anyway, do let me gloat. This seldom happens in my life. Oh and did I mention that my midterm grade for my information management ubject is 3.5? :)

It’s been a hectic week at work since one of our officers resigned with his last day being last Friday. Since there is no replacement yet, I opted to take up the slack. Unfortunately, this left me less time to do my real work. Now I have to work double time to really catch up. Hopefully I can accomplish something this weekend and make a dent at my pending items.

My brother and his wife are going to move in before the month ends. This would mean me moving in with my sister in the other room. I’m not keen with the idea so I’m thinking of other alternatives that would enable me to have my own room. Ever since I had my own room, I appreciated my privacy and having my own space. I’m thinking of moving to Makati to live with my grandparents. Over there, I can have my own room and space. It’s even conveniently located a few minutes away from work and school. I could have the option of going to the Taft campus next term. I’ll talk it over with my parents this weekend and see.

Sunday, November 02, 2003


My body gave out last Monday from all the traveling that I’ve been doing the past three weekends. I love traveling but I forgot to rest and recharge.

Speaking of travel, I have a classmate who’s going to Switzerland this week. He works for the World Scout Organization and his job takes him out of the country three or four times a year (even more). I looked at his passport and he’s been to almost everywhere! That’s the kind of job that I would like but I know I won’t be saying the same thing years from now.

The TV’s on and I’m watching my namesake (the one who married Cesar Montano) sing with a couple of guys. She’s wearing this really sexy white shirt that’s blatantly showing her bellybutton. Yup, she just gave birth a year ago and she is prancing around with the same body God bestowed on her years before she had a family.

My family and I had a blast bonding yesterday. My dad discovered the e-mode site and we spent the whole afternoon answering different IQ and personality tests. It just proved things that we’ve always known e.g. my twin and I are opposites, my other sister and I share the same IQ and that I will excel in a career that requires me to solve problems—that sort of thing. It was still fun nevertheless. It’s interesting to note that the test revealed that my dad has an IQ of 170 (superior). I know that he’s well read (he steals my magazines and comic books) but I never learned of his IQ until yesterday. I should not be surprised though. We do come from a family of geniuses and creative people. My grandfather used to run his own advertising agency back in the 60’s before he closed down and went into the lending business and is now writing his own biography. I also have a cousin who’s a certified genius. She topped their SAT in the US well that’s the last I heard about her since my uncle and their mom divorced four or five years ago. There’s also another cousin who’s in the US who won their academic decathlon a few years back. And then there’s me.

No, I am not and definitely no way a genius even if my whole family perceives me that way. Heck, my GPA when I was in college is no way impressive. That taught me though that we have our own impressions of what a genius is. If my family thinks that being a genius involves reading as voraciously as I do manifesting it in the way I answer questions for them, then I guess I’m a genius. But for me, genius means graduating magna cum laude/valedictorian or scoring high in IQ or any other intelligence related exam.

Thursday, October 23, 2003

Sunshine, the Baker!

Friends have been telling me to open my own bakery or bakeshop. I've been baking/cooking more than usual these past few weeks with my officemates as my taste testers. They all gave positive reactions which made me seriously think about opening one. They also helped me think of a name for my shop. Some suggestions are: The Shop that Sunshine Baked, House of Sunshine, Sunshine's Bakery and so on and so forth. Maybe this Christmas, moreover with cookies as my giveaways. Who knows?

Monday, October 20, 2003


I'm back to wearing glasses. My eyes are graded at 400 with astigmatism of almost a hundred. Since my contact lenses are useless, I conceded to going back being four eyes to at least bring down the astigmatism. According to my eye doctor, I can still wear my contacts but I have to wear my prescription glasses at least an hour everyday. That doesn't sound convincing so I'll get a second opinion. Nevertheless, I still got a new pair of glasses because my old pair has a lower grade.

I managed to catch "9 Mornings" in one of the local channels here last night. Piolo Pascual is absolutely GORGEOUS! I was practically speechless the whole time. All I can do was stare and gawk at him throughout the whole movie. I did not care if Donita Rose, who is as beautiful, was sharing the screen with him. Judy Ann Santos was right on the money when she said, "Mukha pa lang, ulam na." Yes, he is definitely good enough to eat.

Going back to work today was not as difficult as I thought it would be. My eyes are still swollen due to lack of sleep not to mention my eye bags growing heavier.

Something about my Baguio trip:

I went to Baguio for the Singles for Christ Metro Manila Leaders Conference. It was held at the Baguio Convention Center but we had to find our own places to stay. Fortunately, our chapter heads know a person who gave us the use of his condo unit near the Girl Scouts place. Getting to the condo was very tricky. Lots of twists and turns and upon getting there, we saw that it was in the middle of a bevy of privately owned vacation houses. The building was four stories tall with four units per floor. The creepy thing was that we were the only people occupying the whole building (other than the caretaker). It was very very creepy. The building smelled and looked old. There was also a garden of bamboo outside our bedroom window that added to the creepy feeling. Good thing we rarely stayed there since we were always out.

Sunday, October 19, 2003

I'm Back!

Baguio was as beautiful as I remembered albeit more crowded and commercialized. Heck, SM is putting up an SM City branch somewhere in the middle of the city. I was sorry that we were not able to go around much due to our tight schedule but the weather there was wonderfully cool although my eyes did not agree to the thin air and cold climate. My eyes kept tearing up which unabled me to wear my contact lens.

I won't go much about the details of the conference/retreat but it was enlightening although last year's was definitely better. But at least I was able to bond with some of my friends.

The trip was very tiring. Six hours on the road is hell on the butt and on the back. I can't wait to go to my masseuse next week.

Will write more when I'm more coherent. I just got home an hour ago and I still have to unpack and do my assignments.

Friday, October 17, 2003

Baguio, Here I Come!

The world is getting smaller by the minute. I just created my profile for a website called It's a system where you get to meet people through your own network of friends. You freak out when you find out that your friend actually knows one of your friends etc. etc., you get the drift?

I'm heading for Baguio tomorrow. Let me rephrase that, I'm heading for Baguio in three hours. I got home from work around past midnight and I spent the next hour packing. After which, I logged on and finished my friendster profile. I also found out that one of my friends know Lyndon Gregorio (Beerkada creator). I remembered when I first came upon that comic series. I was waiting for my friend at the second floor National Bookstore Tutuban. While browsing, I saw his first comic compilation on display. Since I had nothing better to do, I picked it up and began reading. Next thing I knew, the salesladies were giving me queer looks because I was laughing by myself. I did not hesitate to buy the book and the succeeding releases (I have all 3!).

I bought a dvd today entitled "God's Army". I later found out through Rico that it's actually titled "The Prophecy". I got all excited about it because I liked the premise of the story. Moreover with Christopher Walken playing Angel Gabriel. I like it when he plays the antagonist. Although I did like him as Brendan Fraser's dad in "Blast from the Past" and while he was dancing to that song who's title and singer (?) escapes me right now (Moby?).

Due to lack of sleep, I finished off one vendi mocha frap early this afternoon. It gave me a caffeine high turning me into a jukebox. My officemates had fun requesting for songs (even the old ones! Especially movie/tv theme songs) which gave me a bad case of LSS (Last Song Syndrome). Right now, the same song is still running around and around my head ("Does the moonlight shine in Paris after the sun goes down...").

Anyway, I need to lie down for awhile. I did not curb my packrat side and I literally packed the whole house into 3 bags. I need my strength to bring all those bags to our meeting place.

Monday, October 13, 2003

I am Loved

I just came from a "retreat" this weekend held at Tagaytay. Up to now, I still don't know how to feel about it. I really did not want to go in the first place because my schedule was very hectic as it is. But out of guilt (which I have a great abundance of) and unwillingness to miss one of the major events at church, I did a lot of schedule shifting and sleep sacrifice just to be able to go.

I got home at 1230 am Saturday morning because I wanted to finish my work that I was supposed to do that Saturday. I spent the next hour or so packing for the trip and trying to sleep (I made the mistake of drinking mocha frap grande at 10 pm. I forgot that it keeps me awake).

I woke up at 5 am because according to the organizers, meeting time was at 6 am. So barely awake, I managed to drag myself off to the bathroom and do my morning rituals. I arrived at the meeting place at exactly 6 am only to learn that the reason we were asked to be there that early was for us to hear mass. I didn't mind that so I climbed to the second floor chapel and heard mass.

We left Villa San Miguel at 8 am, arriving at the retreat venue (Villa Santa Luisita) 2 hours later. Now that is a very beautiful and tranquil place. Their grounds are very expansive. Lots of space for one to roam around and commune with nature.

I won't bore you with the retreat details but I appreciated the theme of the whole retreat: "You are loved". I tried to apply it to my life and what do you know, I could relate with it.

Being in the state of singlehood since college can somehow make me doubt my "lovability". There was a time when I even entertained negative thoughts which brought me on the edge of despair. But I dragged myself off the edge and forced myself to think of and do other things, like taking my MBA for one.

Yes, I am loved. It's not the kind of love that my heart really wants, but I felt more at peace knowing that there are other people out there who really does love me and care for me. Moreover, knowing that God loves me and has blessed me with so many things in my life, removed the doubt that my prayers have been falling on deaf ears.

One of the activities during the retreat was for us to write a Psalm regarding God's role in my life. This is what I came up with:

The Lord is my Healer,
There is no sickness that He cannot heal.
No wound to deep,
No hurt too long,
No pain too harsh.
My heart He cleansed,
My soul He calmed,
My brokenness He made whole.

The Lord has healed me
And because of this, it is
In Him that I will trust
In Him that I will hope
And it is in Him that I will love.

I couldn't sleep during the lengthy break times that our parish priest/retreat facilitator gave us. Either the caffeine was still in my system or the youth that was with us was driving me up the wall with their infinite chatter and noise.

Our last activity for Saturday was done by 11 pm and by then, I was ready to conk out. I forgot that I was sharing the dormitory type room with 15 other teenagers. I have forgotten how it was to be young and have no cares in the world. I guess as we grow older, our priorities and perceptions of life changes. Their priority was to giggle and chat with their friends while my priority was to get some sleep and rest. I held on to my temper and tried not to scold them for giggling and running from room to room. I tried moving to a different room but to no avail. Eventually I fell asleep at 2 am.

Cellphone alarms woke me up at 5 am. By then, a headache decide to take up residence on my frontal lobe. I wanted to bang my head against the Tagaytay-cooled walls but I just prayed for strength and patience. We had our last activity that morning and Father Jun, bless his kind and understanding soul, announced that we will be leaving earlier than scheduled. By then I already decided that I will go straight to Megamall to have a facial and back massage. I was feeling so bad that I needed some pampering to help me feel human again.

I had the bus drop me off the Shaw and Edsa intersection at around 230 pm and I hurried off to Holistic Circle where I spent the next 2 hours getting a facial and back massage. I really needed the massage because my back has been hurting since Saturday morning. The lack of sleep and long travel aggravated the pain.

I appreciated the retreat because it will be the first and last time that our parish priest will be joining us due to the change of leadership of the Archdiocese of Manila. He will be assigned to another place. He also gave me lots of things to think about it. What I could not appreciate were the people I was with. Yes, it gave me the chance to get to know more people, but I could do away with the noise that never seem to end.

Anyway, it's going to be a long and bloody week for me. I spent the day today doing administrative stuff for our department and meeting my groupmates for our group presentation on Wednesday. Why do I feel like I'm the only one working on this case?

I also have a major quiz coming up on Thursday and then I'll be leaving for Baguio on Friday only to be back to work on Monday to attend a seminar.

Saturday, October 11, 2003


I sometimes wonder if everything I do is worth it.

Like today, for example. I was at work from 830 in the morning up to midnight. Funny thing was, I was not forced to be there, but it was my will to stay at work that late.

My boss and I had a nice chat this afternoon regarding my job description and my future with the bank. I had the chance to really think about my career plan and where I’m headed. She gave me a lot of work to do but I consider it a blessing. Most of the stuff she gave me I know I will enjoy doing and she assigned a specific task to me which utilized by analyzing skills and basically made me enjoy my job more. Yes, the added work could be a burden, but it’s also a chance for me to stretch myself and to learn more about my job.

Everything really falls on the proper attitude and the appropriate mindset. We have two kinds of people at work: the performers and the non-performers. I observed that what differentiates the two is attitude. Everyone has his/her own perception of things, but if you managed to come up with the right insight on an event, everything is easier.

An event could be a negative or positive one. Again, it differs on the person on how he/she perceives that event. My example of me being given added tasks could be viewed negatively thereby making me bitter and would result to non-performance. However, if I considered it in a positive light and seeing the brighter side of the situation, everything just falls into place.

I’ll be going to Tagaytay tomorrow for my second retreat of the year (the third and last one will be at Baguio next week). Hopefully, I’ll be able to reflect more on my chosen path and my future plans.

Sunday, October 05, 2003

Hodge Podge

Working while studying part-time is not an easy task. They were not kidding when they said I had to make sacrifices—not that there is a lot to sacrifice. I literally don’t have much of a social life so there’s not much sacrifice there. It’s the small things that I have to deal with. I had to sacrifice my tv and movie time instead, have to hit the books and figure out statistical computations.

Studying at my house is a rather difficult endeavor. I live with 6 other people and the computer as well as the main study area cum dining room is right beside the tv/living room. Unfortunately, the tv is always on and it takes a big effort just to be able to concentrate.

For this night, my dad is watching Godfather. I can’t understand why so many guys absolutely find this movie the best movie series there is. I admit, the story twists (of what I’ve seen) are interesting but there are too many shooting scenes for my peace of mind.

For those who know me, they will argue that CSI is as gory. It's the investigation that interests me.

I went grocery shopping today with my brother. I love shopping for groceries. No doubt, it will be one past time I will enjoy doing with a boyfriend/husband if ever that happens. Grocery shopping can build bonds, I can tell you that.

The only thing I hate about grocery shopping is the crowd. Most people in the supermarket have no shopping etiquette. Going around the supermarket with a grocery cart is like driving a car. Everytime you stop to take something off the shelf, you're supposed to have some sort of consideration for other people and park your cart on the side. Majority would just leave their carts in the middle of aisle leaving you to figure out how to go around the cart and the other people picking stuff of the shelf. It's absolutely frustrating. That's why as much as possible I do my grocery shopping as the store opens.

The Start of Something New

Making this blogspot is so difficult to do. It's actually embarrassing considering I managed to put up my own website before. Oh well, five years is a long time and I need to update myself on several webstuff.

Anyway, I've been influenced by a friend that's why I'm also putting up my own blogspot. Other than working for a bank, I'm also taking up my MBA. Since I don't want to be buried alive by figures and percentages, I decided to create my own journal up in the web to hopefully exercise my creativity and not let it rust.

Hopefully, this will be the start of something interesting.