Scrooge

WARNING: This post is a rant and could be highly depressing. If you don't want your day ruined, kindly leave and come back some other day when I have something more cheerful posted.







I can very much identify with Avril when she sang, "It's not supposed to hurt this way." That's basically how I feel right now.

It's my first day back to work after my finals and everything was not going right. I discovered that my People's magazine issue this week was stolen from my desk last night. Other than that, my pc was acting up the whole day which prevented from processing applications as much as I would want. Curse words were also my favorite sayings today. That's definitely not me. Once I start cursing a streak, there must be something really wrong.

I've never hated Christmas season as I do now. It's Friday night and while riding the taxi on my way home, the taxi driver played Christmas songs interpreted by Celine Dion. I don't know if it was the song or Dion's caterwauling but I just broke down and cried.

I still can't figure out why I cried. Maybe because I was so lost and lonely with the loneliness biting my ass and munching heartily. Maybe because of nothing else to think about, I could not escape the reality that has been hounding my heels these past months. I remember posting something about it some weeks back, about my siblings getting married. That really got the tears going.

An officemate noticed my mood and asked if I was a member of the SMC (Samahang Malalamig ang Christmas). I affirmed and he asked if I was also an active member of the SGV (Samahang Galit sa Valentine's). I said I'm more of an SMC than an SGV with the fact that I have to suffer through Christmas longer than Valentine's. Valentine's is just one day while Christmas runs up to two months.

Oh God, I hate Christmas. Let this be over soon.

I can't help but also feel guilty whenever I feel this way. Christmas is also the official celebration of the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. All day I kept on repeating that to myself, but the feeling still won't go away.

This is ironic considering I have started giving away Christmas goodies to my officemates. Guess no one could accuse me from being a scrooge.

Please don't let it be this way.