Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Test of Motherhood

I was told that you will never know how it is it like to be a mom until your child gets sick. I didn't believe it at the time but I am now proven wrong.

Basti has been sick numerous times before but this is the first time that would warrant hospitalization. After throwing up the whole day and seeing blood in his vomit threw me out of my comfort zone and made me panic. In the midst of a raging storm and blackout, we drove through debris-laden roads in our village even making a detour to avoid a tree that was blocking the whole road, to bring my son to the hospital.

Good thing we were the only patient so far in the ER that it only took the residents an hour or so to give us the recommendation that he be admitted. He was on his way to dehydration and needs to be re-hydrated immediately. Oral medication is useless as he will just throw up whatever we will give/gave him thus exacerbating his condition. We readily agreed and we now understand why his previous pedia would try everything just so he would not be confined--it was because of the dreaded IV (intravenous) Line.

For us adults, it's easy to understand what the IV is for and the sustenance it would bring our bodies. But explaining that to a toddler would require more patience which we had nil at that time. It took the residents quite some time to find a vein and when they were able to make the initial insertion, Basti moved his hand thus dislodging the needle. They had no choice but do another attempt. This time, they called in the other nurses to hold him down.

It took five of us to hold him while I held his head and repeated over and over that everything will be fine. His cries for them to stop especially when he cried over and over again, "No, Mommy," just made my heart break into tiny little pieces. If I could just take the pain from him, I would.

Initial diagnosis was gastroenteritis but pending a stool exam, it could not be final as Basti did not have the usual LBM which is a symptom of food poisoning or an upset stomach. He only experienced vomiting and a low grade fever for more than 24 hours.

Last night, I stayed by his side to make sure that he does not move too much endangering his IV line. While I was rubbing his legs and arms to put him to sleep he suddenly said, "I love you, Mommy." I was speechless for awhile but he repeated it again and again until I repeated it back. I silently cried afterwards when he fell asleep.

I sat up with him until midnight as I had a new thing to worry about. His low grade fever breached the 38degrees C mark and his cough worsened. He was also spitting out/throwing up phlegm. As his pedia is not accredited here in the hospital, he referred us to his previous associate here. I discussed my concerns with him and we somehow agreed that it could no longer be gastroenteritis. What we're looking at now is bronchitis. We already had an x-ray done and hopefully, we'll have a final diagnosis soon.

In the meantime, I keep vigil beside my son's beside with my laptop and social networking to keep me sane. Also wishing what my son has been wishing since yesterday--for us to be able to go home.

Sunday, July 08, 2012

The Star Wars that I Used to Know

I'm a Star Wars fan, thanks to my Dad. I remember when we watched Return of the Jedi at a movie house with him the first time it was released (yes, it was in the early 80's. Yes, I'm old). Also, almost every year, a local channel would be showing the Star Wars movies. I draw short of being a cult follower but I really appreciate and love the series.

 When I stumbled upon this video while surfing, I could totally relate to it. I really loved the old movies more compared to the prequels. I wish there would be more movies like that.

Basti Reading Three Billy Goats Gruff

Basti is only three years old but his vocabulary and reading skills continue to amaze me.

Sunday, July 01, 2012

Envy or Acceptance?

Since early this year, my Facebook wall has been flooded with pregnancy announcements. I am sincerely happy for my friends and/or relatives but a part of me is dying of envy.

 My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for our second baby since last year. I went through three cycles of duphaston-clomid-TV ultrasound-pregnyl just to end up unsuccessful. After the third attempt, I resolved to take a rest as the cycles can be physically and financially exhausting. I also joined a new employer and it was another reason for putting our baby plans on hold. Nevertheless, the disappointing results does not stop me from wishing that we too will be joining the dragon baby rush. There are also numerous comments lately coming from friends and relatives to give Basti a baby sister or brother but my body refuses to cooperate again.

 I've been trying to tamp down on the envy part and concentrate on being happy with just having Basti. Though a part of my still prays for another child, I will resolve to accept God's will for us. If He says that having one child is enough then I guess it's just something that I have to accept.