Saturday, December 29, 2012

Cooking Mama

We have a cook at home so I don't have to worry about cooking. If I do cook, it's because I want to and my husband is asking for a dish. Today, however, we were faced with the decision whether to order dinner or I cook. I opted for the latter just because.

We went to Festival Mall earlier today so my husband can buy me my Christmas gift -- a computer chair (yes, quite romantic). We decided to shop for groceries after lunch. While waiting for our order of pizza and chicken at Don Henrico's, I browsed through my recipes which I brought with me on what stuff I should buy. I opted for a chicken burrito for dinner and some chocolate chip cookies for Basti.

cooking outfit
Upon getting home, I started to prepare for my afternoon in the kitchen, I made sure to dress comfortably-- Shorts, shirt, my Starbucks apron and a bandana. I always wear an apron while I cook as ingredients tend to get on my clothes (like flour for one) and the bandana is for the sweat as I do a lot of that while in the kitchen. When I posted this picture in Facebook, some of my friends thought I was on my way to the Operating Room.

I decided to do the baking first. I rummaged around the kitchen for my supplies and found a mixer. I was surprised as it was not used. I asked my mother-in-law about it and apparently, it was mine! I must've bought it sometime ago and as usual, forgot all about it. I checked my ingredients and was relieved when I found baking powder at the pantry. The grocery stores were out of baking powder and soda. Lots of people must have baked a lot of stuff for Christmas.

some of my chocolate christmas gifts
However, I underestimated the chocolate chips that will be used for my cookies. Instead of buying 2 12 oz packs which the recipe required, I only bought one. I scoured through our refrigerator hoping that I still have some form of chocolate left which I can use as substitute. I remembered  my Royce chocolate hoard that one of my colleagues gave me for Christmas. I resolved to only eat and savor only one piece a day but desperate times called for desperate measures. I broke the remaining pieces and dumped them in the cookie batter praying that the chocolate will cook well.

As our oven thermostat is undependable, I  had to turn the kitchen upside down to look for my oven thermometer (our cook was on vacation and the other maid is with my in-laws in Tagaytay. The one who was left behind is barely a month in the job so she does not know what I'm talking about. Fortunately, I found it beside the oven). I also could not find my cookie sheets so I had to improvise. After all the grinding, mixing and molding, we tried putting one batch inside the oven and after 10 minutes, the kitchen smelled heavenly. I quickly pulled the cooked batch from the oven and without waiting for it to cool, took a bite out of it. My experiment paid off!

sunshine's chocolate chip cookies
The chips were so gooey and tasted oh so good. I'm happy to say that I haven't lost my touch. I used to cook batches of these in the past. Maybe I should seriously go back to baking. It's a good stress reliever and my son apparently loves whatever I bake (as long as it's chocolate).

hubby enjoying the tortillas
By 5PM, I quickly started on dinner. I marinated chicken breasts in a taco mix that I bought earlier. I then placed them in a pyrex container and baked them (I took out the cookies first as I don't want my cookies smelling like tacos) for 5-10 minutes. I was not exactly sure as I kept on testing the meat to see whether it was cooked. The recipe called for it to be grilled but I was too lazy to go out and light some coals. Anyway, my gamble paid off (again) as the meat turned out really soft and juicy. I also put together the salsa mix -- tomatoes, onions and cilantro. As I was not able to buy lemon, I used calamansi for the citrus taste. It tasted absolutely wonderful! I placed the tortillas between paper towels and microwaved them for 10 seconds. Putting everything together was easy -- rice, chicken, salsa, grated cheese and sour cream on top of the tortilla and wrapped it up. It also tasted  amazing! The tortillas were halfway gone before I remembered to take a picture!

After dinner, I'm glad I did not have to do the dishes as I was so exhausted from standing and running around for 2 1/2 hours. I just plopped down and relaxed after discussing with the helper on what will be cooked for breakfast. I'm sure I'll be awake already to supervise the cooking. But then, I'm the only one who eats breakfast. Hubby just eats cereals and my son eats whatever's served (or sometimes the cereals that his dad eats). I still have two dishes to be cooked tomorrow. I can't wait to try them out. Hopefully, they'll be a success as well.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012


I've always been a tomboy when growing up. I disdained make-up and fixing myself much to the chagrin of my PerDev high school teacher and my mom. I spent 11 formative years in an all-girls Catholic school and instead of being conscious about my looks, I would rather read books and study rather than figure out how to fix my hair or apply make-up (yes, I was and am still a nerd). Even when I had a serious boyfriend, I still never paid attention to my looks. I justified the thought that it was not my looks that attracted me to him in the first place. I was out of shape and though how much my mom harangued me, I never really gave a thought about it. My idea of fixing myself was combing my hair, putting on moisturizer and ensuring my clothes fit properly.

The first bank that I worked for did not pay too much attention on appearance or make-up. There's a dress code but we could wear jeans on Fridays and so on and so forth. Our job was considered backroom so we did not have to really spruce ourselves up as we're not exposed to customers. From time to time, I would try to put on make-up but it was such a bother for me that I gave up on it all together.

It was only after I gave birth and moved to a new company that I seriously paid attention to my looks. I learned to apply make-up skillfully. I had a colleague who really loved cosmetics so I would spend hours asking her for help. I shared this "hobby" with my high school bestfriend so I would visit her and we would practice. I also learned how to wear suits and pearls--outfits that would flatter my "unflattering" figure and would make me more "respectful-looking." When I moved to my current employer, I began wearing make-up everyday as I have to look the part of a "boss". My staff and colleagues have grown used to seeing me with make-up that they get alarmed whenever they see my pale face. At least I get to now utilize my boxes of cosmetics that my relatives from abroad are fond of giving me (I do ask for them). I'm not complaining though as I get to experiment.

As for my nails, I've always admired my sister-in-law's and mother-in-law's well kept nails. For my birthday, I treated myself to a manicure at my favourite nail salon--Isabella here at Alabang. Whenever I would visit them, I usually would just get a foot spa/pedocire but since it was a special day, I resolved to get a manicure together with my pedicure. The nail technician talked me into getting gel nails. I first heard of it from my mom when she came over for a visit last October. The first color that I got was red (again, for my birthday). It was supposed to last for a month but since it was red, I got rid of it after two weeks as I could see the new nail growing. This time around, I got a pale pink color (see above picture) so that the new growth will be unnoticeable and I can test their claim that it will last for a month without chipping.

I'm such a late bloomer. I'm now having my hair dyed at least twice a year to hide the white strands. I try to regularly get facials and ensure that I clean my face everyday. Someday, I hope to lose weight as well.

The best compliment I got so far was when one of my colleagues gave me a personalized coaster with a caricature of a nice lady with a handbag as her Christmas gift for me. She said that she chose the drawing because it reminded her of me (ma-postura daw). That really made my day.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

So This is Christmas

John Lennon followed that by asking "and what have you done?". Perhaps I'll ask the same question to myself.

I previously mentioned in my recap that this year has been an exciting year for me. A year full of changes. However, my spiritual life took a beating and it's something that I hope to reclaim.

I also haven't had a an outreach activity this year other than my monthly contribution for World Vision and Unicef. Back in my previous company, we would have outreach activities right and left. In fact, it was mandatory and part of our annual grade. With my current employer, I can't recall getting any email about any outreach activity. I should discuss this with my team leaders and see if it can be feasible.

Speaking of World Vision, I received an award last March that I was honored for being an donor for the past 10 years. The sad thing is, the child that I have been sponsoring decided to stop studying as he would rather work and help his family. I was given a new child to sponsor but it broke my heart that my contributions for the last 10 years were for naught. It did not deter me from stopping my contribution as I still believe in the organization's purpose and that they are a big help in the community. I just hope that my adopted child would be able to finish College.

I still haven't thought about my plans for next year. I'll probably do that before the New Year. Maybe I'll strive to have better answers for John Lennon's question.

Monday, December 24, 2012

It's Just Another Christmas Eve

For the last 30 or so years, Christmas Eve was always spent at my paternal grandparents' home--wherever it was. We spent it in Paranaque and then in Makati. But when both passed away in 2007, Christmas that year was particularly somber. This time around, we spend it with our Dad and my siblings and whomever among his siblings would want to come. It's just dinner with exchanged presents and little bit of chitchat.

Christmas Day was spent at home relaxing and just sleeping the day away. Before 1991, we would spend Christmas with my maternal grandparents but when my maternal grandfather passed away in 1991, we really just spent it at home. When I met my husband, he would bring me to their family Christmas reunions and that has been the tradition for last 8 years that we've been together.

One of these days, I would want to spend Christmas abroad--away from the maddening crowd. Just with my hubby and my son. We have a standing invitation from my mom in the US to spend Christmas with them and we would probably do that sometime in the near future.

Sadly, I don't really feel the spirit of Christmas even with all the parties I went to. I have somehow forgotten that it's the birthday of someone very important and what that represents. Maybe I have faltered with my faith this past year no thanks to the RH bill brouhaha. But I am a Catholic and a part of me does not want to let go of that. Hopefully, I can get back that connection that I once had with Him. I have returned to listening to Christian songs to hopefully help me find that missing part of me.

I leave you this song which should be the real reason for the holidays. Merry Christmas everyone--whatever it's worth.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

2012 Recap

I have neglected this blog for too long. I initially thought that I will surpass my posts this year as I started off rather strong but it tapered off in the end. I was horribly busy with my new job and teaching at the same time. Good thing I took the term off this semester. Else, I will be running in fumes.

The changes that happened to me this year are not for the fainthearted. I joined a different employer and not only that, I took up teaching. Health-wise, I'm back to wearing glasses because my eyes got irritated with the dust at work due to the construction. We also marked our 5th year wedding anniversary with an overnight stay at the Penn.

For our trip this year, we went to Bohol and it was Basti's first plane ride. That was a fun, albeit expensive, trip. It was worth seeing the joy in my son's eyes and bonding with him for three days.

Back to my new work: It's still in the financial services industry (aka banking. I don't dare use banking as according to my STRAMA teacher, banking is not an industry) but not as big as my previous employer. My new job lets me utilize my MBA degree as I'm handling a department once again and within credit operations at that. There are days that I'm actually having fun. With 52 employees under my purview, it can be quite challenging but I'm enjoying the ride. I have four capable team leaders who are miracle workers as they make impossible things happen. I let them know what I want to happen and they make it so with little or no help from me. I have great plans for them and hopefully, they will all be realized. WHEN that happens, I would want to think that I had a small hand to it. That's us in the picture below in our recent Christmas party.

I actually don't know where 2013 will take me. Should other opportunities arise that should coincide with my core purpose then I will go where that path will bring me. I would want to think that I was able to accomplish what I set out to do at work and I'm quite happy with that.

Everything's not perfect though. I do have trials and challenges but as my favourite song goes, "What if trials of this life, are your mercies in disguise?" I believe that what I'm going through is part of God's plan for me. I just have to be steadfast and firm and believe in His grace and goodness.

Merry Christmas everyone. May the true spirit of Christmas dwell in our hearts throughout the whole year.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

The Christmas Party

Christmas is less than a week away. You know it's almost there when Christmas parties come one after the other.

For this year alone, I had four Christmas get-togethers/dinners/parties. Probably the best one is that of my department.

I was never really that invested in Christmas parties--even in my previous offices. Yes, I would join the presentations and I would always try to leave early. But my department Christmas party was the best ever that I can remember. I have never laughed so hard as much as I did that day--as in falling off my chair and rolling on he floors hard.

My department is the largest in our division--52 officers, staff and PH under my purview. It still boggles my mind that I have that much people who I have to watch out for but I have somehow survived the past 10 months and have even met our targets so I must be doing it right somehow.

When I formed a team as early as July to handle the employee engagement activities in our department, one of the things that I assigned them to do was to organize the Christmas party. As early as August, we were already scouting for possible venues that would fit all 53 of us and our visitors.

I don't know if it was the long preparation period or the excitement but all my teams were very gung-ho about it. They came out with the idea that each team (not only the new hires or contractuals) will have their own presentation. Everyone embraced the thought and a week before the party, they were hard at work practicing their dance moves.

The video below is not part of the program. It was just a spontaneous suggestion (albeit shouted out) that the team leaders have a dance showdown. Not contented, they had to ask for me and my bosses as well. At least I hope I didn't embarrass myself too much.

Once I finish uploading them, I will also post the presentations of my teams. They're absolutely hilarious! Probably the "pangbubuyo" and "pang-aasar" made it more fun. Good thing there's no "pikon" person in my team.

Here's the presentation of Team Eds:

Here's the presentation of Team Ernie:

And here's the team that won the contest, Team Toto:

I can't wait for next year's party. It will be so hard to top this.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

"Ber" You Go

September is almost ending and the last quarter of 2012 is upon us. I can't believe time flew by so fast this year. Maybe because of my new job that entails meeting targets every month.

It has been a really exciting year. Lots of changes and challenges that came my way. Probably the only thing that I didn't like about this year was that I gained back all the pounds that I lost last year. I now have to struggle in losing them again before the year ends (or at least 5 lbs as that would be the amount of weight that I'll gain during the Christmas season).

I haven't been writing that much as I have been horribly busy. Between the new job, my teaching and Basti getting sick recently, it has been really crazy. But then, I prefer this than twiddling my thumbs and whiling the time away. I feel myself degenerating everytime I get bored with what I'm doing or if I have too much time in my hands.

On a sad note, my maternal grandmother passed away last Wednesday due to renal failure, she's 84. My memories of her involve staying with her and my grandfather at their mansion in Batangas during weekends and summers. She is one strong woman to have birthed 13 children and survived  her husband who passed away due to stroke more than 20 years ago. She has been residing in the US for more than 10 years already. I'm glad I had the chance to see her one last time last year when we had a vacation at the US. Farewell, Lola Meling. You are now free of pain and reunited with Lolo Prime. Say hi to him for me and also to Lolo Ruben and Lola Pacing.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Sunshine Says...

“Severus, please fetch me the strongest truth potion you posess, then go down to the kitchen and bring up the house elf called Winky. Minerva, kindly go down to Hagrids house where you will find a large black dog sitting in the pumpkin patch. Take the dog up to my office, tell him I will be with him shortly, then come back here.” 
― J.K. RowlingHarry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

I'm a stickler for instructions and rules. I believe that rules are there for a reason and are meant to be followed. (Of course, I do not follow it blindly but I ensure I understand the spirit behind it before implementing a rule). It irks me no end if I encounter people who are "pasaway". I have a number of them at work and at school.

My most important rule for my department is that everyone should come on time. I cannot tolerate late-comers. Though they tell me that they render overtime if they are late, it defeats the purpose as we end up paying them more for their tardiness. I have 2-3 people in my list who are perennially late and I am fast running out of patience. I have given them so many chances to make it right and they still persist on being tardy. I have talked to them till I was blue in the face but I have yet to see permanent results. If our HR is as efficient as my previous employer then I would not be having this problem in the first place. If they cannot follow just one simple instruction then how can I trust them with bigger things? Not only is cost involved but it's unfair for their team mates who come in earlier or even on time. One of these days, I will bring down the sanctions indicated on our code of ethics on their heads without prior notice (actually, I have warned them already several times. They don't deserve another warning).

As for my class in school, I encountered also students who cannot follow simple instructions. For example, one of them did not even write their name on their midterm exam when I even reminded them numerous times to do so! I wrote a big question mark on her paper and was even tempted to not give her a grade. In the recent quiz, a couple of them also did not follow instructions. I did not even think twice in not giving them the full grade. I specifically wrote down the instructions AND even verbally repeated it but they still did not follow. I dread how they will turn out when they join the working class. They have to understand that not following directions can cost them a job.

Oh well, I just can't have it all.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

A Thousand Years

I'm having a bad case of LSS where I cannot just get a song out of my head. People have described the song as "haunting" and it definitely has not stopped "haunting" my mind.

The song is A Thousand Years sung by Christina Perri. I first heard the song when it was used in the very famous "Meme Proposal" as seen in the video below:

Meme Proposal | Tim * Audrey from Crazy Monkey Studio on Vimeo.

I was surprised to  know that it actually came from The Breaking Dawn soundtrack. Even if I watched the movie, it must not be that good if I already forgot all about it.

I guess what makes it more meaningful is the message of the lyrics. Maybe that's why it's a perennial favourite to be used during weddings.

Anyway, I will surely be listening to this again tomorrow. I just hope that it won't be my LSS for a thousand more.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Test of Motherhood

I was told that you will never know how it is it like to be a mom until your child gets sick. I didn't believe it at the time but I am now proven wrong.

Basti has been sick numerous times before but this is the first time that would warrant hospitalization. After throwing up the whole day and seeing blood in his vomit threw me out of my comfort zone and made me panic. In the midst of a raging storm and blackout, we drove through debris-laden roads in our village even making a detour to avoid a tree that was blocking the whole road, to bring my son to the hospital.

Good thing we were the only patient so far in the ER that it only took the residents an hour or so to give us the recommendation that he be admitted. He was on his way to dehydration and needs to be re-hydrated immediately. Oral medication is useless as he will just throw up whatever we will give/gave him thus exacerbating his condition. We readily agreed and we now understand why his previous pedia would try everything just so he would not be confined--it was because of the dreaded IV (intravenous) Line.

For us adults, it's easy to understand what the IV is for and the sustenance it would bring our bodies. But explaining that to a toddler would require more patience which we had nil at that time. It took the residents quite some time to find a vein and when they were able to make the initial insertion, Basti moved his hand thus dislodging the needle. They had no choice but do another attempt. This time, they called in the other nurses to hold him down.

It took five of us to hold him while I held his head and repeated over and over that everything will be fine. His cries for them to stop especially when he cried over and over again, "No, Mommy," just made my heart break into tiny little pieces. If I could just take the pain from him, I would.

Initial diagnosis was gastroenteritis but pending a stool exam, it could not be final as Basti did not have the usual LBM which is a symptom of food poisoning or an upset stomach. He only experienced vomiting and a low grade fever for more than 24 hours.

Last night, I stayed by his side to make sure that he does not move too much endangering his IV line. While I was rubbing his legs and arms to put him to sleep he suddenly said, "I love you, Mommy." I was speechless for awhile but he repeated it again and again until I repeated it back. I silently cried afterwards when he fell asleep.

I sat up with him until midnight as I had a new thing to worry about. His low grade fever breached the 38degrees C mark and his cough worsened. He was also spitting out/throwing up phlegm. As his pedia is not accredited here in the hospital, he referred us to his previous associate here. I discussed my concerns with him and we somehow agreed that it could no longer be gastroenteritis. What we're looking at now is bronchitis. We already had an x-ray done and hopefully, we'll have a final diagnosis soon.

In the meantime, I keep vigil beside my son's beside with my laptop and social networking to keep me sane. Also wishing what my son has been wishing since yesterday--for us to be able to go home.

Sunday, July 08, 2012

The Star Wars that I Used to Know

I'm a Star Wars fan, thanks to my Dad. I remember when we watched Return of the Jedi at a movie house with him the first time it was released (yes, it was in the early 80's. Yes, I'm old). Also, almost every year, a local channel would be showing the Star Wars movies. I draw short of being a cult follower but I really appreciate and love the series.

 When I stumbled upon this video while surfing, I could totally relate to it. I really loved the old movies more compared to the prequels. I wish there would be more movies like that.

Basti Reading Three Billy Goats Gruff

Basti is only three years old but his vocabulary and reading skills continue to amaze me.

Sunday, July 01, 2012

Envy or Acceptance?

Since early this year, my Facebook wall has been flooded with pregnancy announcements. I am sincerely happy for my friends and/or relatives but a part of me is dying of envy.

 My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for our second baby since last year. I went through three cycles of duphaston-clomid-TV ultrasound-pregnyl just to end up unsuccessful. After the third attempt, I resolved to take a rest as the cycles can be physically and financially exhausting. I also joined a new employer and it was another reason for putting our baby plans on hold. Nevertheless, the disappointing results does not stop me from wishing that we too will be joining the dragon baby rush. There are also numerous comments lately coming from friends and relatives to give Basti a baby sister or brother but my body refuses to cooperate again.

 I've been trying to tamp down on the envy part and concentrate on being happy with just having Basti. Though a part of my still prays for another child, I will resolve to accept God's will for us. If He says that having one child is enough then I guess it's just something that I have to accept.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Harvard Baseball 2012--Call Me, Maybe?

I can't help but smile while watching this video. There's so much eye candy, I'll end up with diabetes.

I especially like the guy at the back (the one who first "sang"). He's just so exuberant. Hehe.

Friday, May 25, 2012

The Reason I Watched AI this Year (or at least parts of it)

I have stopped following Idol after Season 8--the year Kris Allen won. Somehow after that, the contestants seem lackluster and the show just got worse when Simon Cowell left.

When this season started (is it the 10th already or even more than that?), I did not feel the usual excitement that I had come January when I know AI will start. However, I've been hearing about this half-Filipino/half-Mexican girl who was wowing the judges week after week. I did not have the chance to watch her until I saw her sing Whitney Houston's anthemic song, "I'll Always Love You". As I already saw Charice Pempengco sing that song, it did not impress me much but I acknowledged that she could sing. But when she sang the song below, it just mesmerized me and I realized that she could actually have a chance to win it.

I guess the producers or whatever powers-that-be in Idol realized how powerful the song was, they actually got the original singer, Grammy Winner, Jennifer Holliday, to sing a duet with her. And their duet birthed a dozen memes.

But before the memes, watch the video:

Here are a couple of them which I got at It's in Filipino so unless you understand that language, it won't be as hilarious.

As we already all know, Jessica Sanchez lost but her duet with Jennifer Holliday will be one of the greatest duets in AI history.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Teenage Parenting

I was a bit bothered when I read about 4 teens killed in a car crash just this weekend. It made me think how I should parent my son when he grows up to be a teenager.

A part of me wants to keep him in a leash and never let him out of my sight. But I know that will just exist in my imagination and will have negative repercussions on him. If I want him to grow into a well-balanced individual, I have to ease up on the control and ensure that he's equipped with the proper skills to help him find his way through life. Whether I like it or not, driving is definitely defined as a life skill that one should really learn. Though commuting is always an option, knowing how to drive a car really makes a difference as it keeps you mobile especially in areas where the commute can be quite difficult.

I was pretty tame when I was a teenager in a sense that I only recently learned how to drive so there were no instances where I would sneak off the car for a joyride. I also don't like going to parties so I'm particularly stuck at home and I was ok with that.

I just hope that I can inculcate the right values to my son so by the time he grows up to be a teenager, he can make the right decisions for himself.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Bohol Part II

Summer vacation is almost over and in three weeks time, I'll be back in school teaching and molding young minds. Hopefully, I'll do a better job than what I did last term. I guess there's no way to go but up. I envision myself to be an effective teacher and hopefully, that will come to fruit.

 As a personal last hurrah for the vacation, my family and I together with a friend's family, will be going to Bohol. It will be our second time there but Basti's and my friend's first time. I really fell in love with that place when we went there two years ago and I posted about that here. I hope my companions will feel the same way.

 We will be staying at Bluewater Panglao Beach Resort and the pictures shown in their site are really awesome! I hope that it's not all pictures and the views are real. Will post more about our trip once we get back.

Paint Transfer

Last April 28, we were on our way to the grocery when our car was hit by another vehicle that was swerving into our lane. I still can't believe how calm both my husband and I were after the accident to think we were entitled to really freak out. Other than our car being barely a month old, Basti was seated at the back near to the side that was hit. Maybe we were just in shock but afterwards, I was thinking that I should have jumped out of the car with fists flying. Good thing nobody was hurt. My insurance had to cover everything though as the other vehicle (a company vehicle at that) does not have comprehensive insurance--just third-party liability--which absolutely sucks. At least they paid for our participation so we did not have to pay for anything. Nevertheless, everything is just one big hassle. The paint transfer looks awful and the mags were scratched too. Can't wait to get my car back.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Roasting Hot

It's definitely summer with the daily temperatures hovering between 34 to 36 degrees Celsius. It feels as if we're always being roasted alive, especially during the afternoons. That's why I would prefer to stay in the mall where it's cooler and relatively cheaper. If you compare the cost of fuel going to the mall and merienda, it's cheaper than turning on the aircon the whole afternoon. Welcome to the country with one of the highest cost of electricity in the world. According to our weather bureau, temperatures are still expected to increase come May. I hope we'll all survive the heat. I blame it for my growing size as I tend to eat more cold and sweet things to fight the heat (hello, Magnum!).

Sunday, April 01, 2012

Surviving my First Term

I survived my first term of teaching. Actually, it was an abbreviated term as I came in at midterms. Nevertheless, it was such a different experience for me that I agreed to come back next term.

This is totally away from my comfort zone and I'm looking forward to the challenge. I'll be teaching a subject that I'm not familiar with so I have the rest of the summer to really learn it. This time, I'll be teaching finance majors which is different as my previous students were BM majors so they're not as familiar with finance as these finance majors would probably be. I would be hard-pressed to really learn the lessons as it would be difficult to bluff my way out of difficult questions.

I'm so looking forward to next term. Hopefully, I'll be able to be more effective as a teacher. Good luck to me!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Stress Drilon and Hagardo Versoza

My stress levels today breached another stage today. So many things happening on top of the other that until now, I still haven't destressed.

Which reminds me, I need to buy a stress ball because my keyboard at work is taking the brunt of my frustrations. Just this afternoon before I went home, I was pounding on it like crazy. I wanted to throw stuff but I'm scared I might hit the window.

I know I asked for this when I took the job and I'm not really sorry. In fact, I welcome the challenges. It's how I thrive and if I manage to get through this, I know I'll be quite happy. I just need to find an outlet for my stress. I'm already staying away from food as I can feel myself getting fat. Maybe it's time I go back to the gym. Maybe it's something that a good run on the treadmill can cure.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Ten Years From Now

I asked my staff at work to write down a 150-word essay answering the abovementioned question. It's such a cliche topic but I really just wanted to gauge their grammatical skills as their emails to me are mostly "acknowledged" or "noted". I just wanted to see their grasp on the english language as I am looking for ripe people who I can promote to officers.

I had to go through more than 30+ essays earlier and I only managed to find less than 5 people with average grammar skills that I can depend on to not embarrass me if they would send email to the bosses. However, I was deeply touched with what all of them wrote. I managed to read through the grammatical errors for me to see the message that they were trying to get across.

It inspired me to write my own essay reflecting on the above topic. Here it is:

I was asked this question more than a decade ago and I never thought I would end up where I am right now. All I wanted then was to have a job and live each day as it comes. I refused to make big goals or have dreams because back then, I was afraid to fail.

I later learned that it is not the goal that really counts but the road towards my goal. I would never trade all the hardships and disappointments that I experienced throughout my journey. I also realized that I can fail along the way and the world will not end. I learned from my mistakes and became stronger because of them. To some, my achievements may be relatively insignificant but to me, they are products of my hard work and determination and I am extremely proud of them. Nobody can tell me otherwise.

If it would be possible, I would want to retire ten years from now and live a simple life with my husband. I would want to travel the world and see different cultures and people. I would want to see my son grow up and be successful in his chosen field and maybe even play with my future grandchildren.

Ten years from now, I want to truly say with all my heart, that when the time comes that I would be called by my Maker, I could say that I have lived a life that has been greatly and fully lived.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Asthma, Go Away!

For the first time in ages, I'm plagued by asthma attacks the past few days.

I could not figure out what was causing it. I figured it must be the weather change. About a decade ago, I recall being incapacitated during the months of February and March as the weather would drastically change from cold to hot. Weather change are usually the triggers for most asthmatics.

I never really outgrew my asthma. It's such a point of contention during my application with the different companies I worked with as I'm forced to declare that I have asthma. As such, I had to get clearance from my doctor that I'm currently in medication and that it is being managed.

My inhaler is getting quite a work-out since Friday. My pulmo said I need two clicks whenever I have an attack. The adverse effect of the inhaler is that I have to gargle afterwards as the powder is irritating my throat.

I just wish that the weather would normalize as I can't afford to get sick. Too many things are happening at work and I have to be there to ensure that my projects are implemented properly.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Kung Bakit Ako Kinilig

Please allow me to give way to this somewhat dormant side of me. A lot of people don't know that I do watch Filipino movies. I usually watch the romantic comedy ones and just of specific actors and actresses.

During my birthday last year, I discovered the loveteam of Sarah Geronimo and Gerald Anderson when my sister-in-law invited me to watch their movie which I posted about here. Ever since I saw their chemistry, I knew there was something there. I was able to find an honest-to-goodness Gerald Anderson fans club and was updated with everything that was happening to the young actor's life (just the general stuff. I'm not THAT obsessed to be on stalker-mode).

Recently, his partner in the movie, Sarah Geronimo, launched a weekly evening show. Gerald was surprise guested in a couple of episodes and their chemistry came out again in full force. I was smiling and laughing throughout the whole time they were on the small screen together. It is obvious that there is something between that I don't know if they want to acknowledge or what.

The hopeless romantic in me wants them to end of together. Both of them are good kids and I wish them both the best. I'm hoping that their friendship will blossom to be a real honest-to-goodness romantic relationship. However, I will be the first to say that relationships in the showbiz world have low staying power. It is seldom that you will find a showbiz couple who will withstand the test of time. I truly hope that they will be the deviation to the norm.

Goodbye, Zach

It's been more than 12 hours since I heard the news but I still can't shake off the feeling of sadness.

Zach is Basti's classmate and seatmate in toddler school and he passed away Thursday night. I couldn't get over the news as I know the child. I don't see him everyday but I see him whenever I accompany Basti to school or if I'm there for a school activity.

I cannot imagine what the parents, especially the mother, is feeling right now. My heart goes to them.

Eternal rest grant unto the soul of Zach, Oh Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace. Amen.

RIP Jadden Zachariah Gan (May 2009 - March 2012)

Thursday, March 08, 2012

The Power to Change Someone Else's Life

Being a department head, one of my tasks is to fill in vacancies either due to transfers or added volume.

I run an operations-intensive department so manpower is an important factor that I really need to monitor to ensure that I am properly capacitized for incoming production volume. As the tasks involved are quite boring, my turnover can be quite high.

To fill in my current vacancies, I had our existing project hires take the exam given by our HR for the first filter. I was surprised at the low passing rate. I don't know if our education system has sorely deteriorated or if the exam given is difficult but whatever the case, I was left with enough people to fill in my vacancies.

I personally interviewed them one by one to see if they have the potential to become leaders in the future. I saw something in them that I like--a certain spark that I haven't seen for a long time. Moreover, I learned that all of them came from not well-off families and are even supporting their siblings. There is one who is the only college graduate among his cousins and siblings and he is quite proud of that achievement. Somehow, I think someone with that kind of pride can be capable of accomplishing something great.

I am proud to say that the people I've personally hired in my old company have not disappointed me so far. There are fall-offs but there are those who have excelled in their current positions. My greatest dream is to actually have someone say that I have inspired and influenced them to be performers and achievers. Knowing that I made a difference to just one person, is enough fulfillment for me.

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Our Yaya Misadventures

The thing with being working parents, we need to find a yaya (babysitter)to watch over our son while we're out toiling to make money. It's such a difficult task because we are basically trusting her with our most loved person on earth.

Finding the right yaya is not a task for the fainthearted. Maybe among the tasks involved in home management, it's my most hated thing to do. I could handle people issues at work but somehow, applying what I know in handling people does not hold true for yayas. They're part family and part employee. How do you draw the line?

My son is now 3 years old and he's now on his fourth yaya. The first one that we hired before he was born was really perfect. I cried when she left but her family needed her. Her replacement needed minimal training and was actually ok. But little things started cropping up here at home that really stressed me out--she doesn't get along with the other maids; I was losing stuff in my room etc--but we bore it because she's actually efficient and I could not really pinpoint where my stuff was going.

When the second yaya went on her annual leave last year, we got a temporary replacement but she was really...awful. We just bore it as it was only for a month but there were so many issues: my son's room was barely clean most of the time and his clothes were all in a disarray; she was complaining of the aircon and would turn it down/off in the middle of the night while my son starts sweating; when we go out to eat, she would eat before she would feed my son (minsan sabay pa sila at uunahin pa niya sarili niya). When Basti's yaya returned, we were all so relieved and life went back to normal.

My husband and I left for the US middle last year and when we got back, lo and behold, yaya was pregnant. She tried to mask the symptoms at first with colds and cough but when we had to bring her to the hospital, the truth finally came out. What really got to me was when I confronted her about it (before it was confirmed), she had the gall to deny it. It was only when I told her that the hospital tests confirmed it that she confessed. But she said she only knew it then (yeah sure).

Come January, we were already looking for a supposedly temporary replacement while yaya goes on maternity leave. Not wanting to trust agencies again, we went to our existing maids and the yayas of our relatives to ask if they know someone. The yaya of my husband's nephew referred her daughter who was not only efficient, she really spends time with my son. We were very happy with her and I was already thinking of making her the permanent yaya.

Basti's yaya went on maternity leave start of February and gave birth end of February. We offered the services of my husband's aunt who is an OB and the yaya gave birth at her clinic.

This afternoon, I got a text from yaya which was unclear. Basically, she said that she's asking for another advance because she wants to stay with her baby until the end of the month. My husband refused so I called him up only to learn later on that she already asked for an advance from my hubby before she left for her maternity (who actually pays for her salary). I was shocked when I learned that he gave her 4 months advance. She said that her boyfriend who got her pregnant is not supporting her blah blah blah. Moreover, hubby also paid for the midwife's fee. His response when yaya previously texted him was that she should return first here at home so we can properly talk as her debt is already too much for comfort.

We're already entertaining the thought of terminating her employment and would be "promoting" temporary yaya to permanent yaya. Honestly, she's doing a better job with my son and Basti's teachers are all praises for her (don't get me started when Basti's teacher called me up to tell me that they caught the preggy yaya hitting my son on the head (batukan) at school. She explained that it was only meant as a "lambing" but it took a long time for me to get over it).

I really hope that we'll figure this out soon.

Saturday, March 03, 2012

Clash of the Titans

One of the reasons why I left my previous job was that I was looking for more challenge. My previous employer is considered as #1 in its chosen industry. I felt that I had nothing more to contribute to its growth and I felt so lost in the organization due to its size.

Maybe what urged me to quit was when I found the personal strategic vision that our STRAMA professor made us write before. I mentioned this: "My core purpose is to make most of the talents that I have been given to be able to fully give justice in all the roles I play in my life."

Thus, when this new job was offered to me, I accepted after I got excited over the challenge that came with it. I was also hoping that it will let me use my talents to give justice to my role as an employee.

Of course, fitting into a new company is not that easy even if half of the heads are my friends or acquaintances. I clashed with one of my team leaders last week but fortunately, I was able to fix it before it got out of hand. I guess I ruffled some feathers that are not meant to be ruffled. We made peace the next day and made some promises to each other which we both intend to keep.

In order for me to get to know my team better (I have 50+ people in my department with 4 team leaders), I had my TLs take the strengths finder test to help me tap their strengths into furthering the goals of the department and our company. Moreover, knowing their strengths will help me manage them better.

I was fortunate to find out that they are all fit into their respective roles. I just have to develop those further and hopefully, give them the right motivation to help them succeed. I'm sad to say that the image of my team has been tarnished in the past due to non-performance and a lot of errors and I am trying my best to change that. Luckily, we made our first good impression when we hit our target (which according to them) has not been hit in months. Hopefully, this will continue.

Yesterday, I managed to show my bitchy side (again) to a person in another department. According to my friend in the company, I don't have to apologize as he also has a notorious reputation and he probably deserved my bitchy attitude. However, I still have to respect the person and his position (although I do outrank him). I don't know though if he does deserve it after he poached into my ranks when I'm not even a month into the job. (On a side note, I hope the person that he's trying to recruit from my team would change his mind after giving him my counter-offer. He's one of my team performers and I know I can give him more opportunities than this other person). Oh well, being the new guy, I guess I have to bend.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

A New Office View

It's barely a month into the year of the dragon and it has been quite interesting indeed.

Last Feb. 3, I said goodbye to this office view,

and on Feb. 6, I said hello to this:

In the late afternoon, I could even see Manila Bay:

I spent more than two years with my last employer and it was relatively a vacation compared to my job previous to that. I had relatively more time to do stuff that I've put on hold before. Probably the best highlight of my stay there was that I was able to finish my MBA and I saw most of my son's milestones as I'm home an hour after 530PM.

My new job is challenging and I am able to use whatever I learned in my previous jobs as well as utilize my MBA. I'm not able to go home at 530PM as I extend until 630 but then it is impossible to go home on time because the elevators are always packed. Probably that's one of the things I miss about my previous job. Getting to my office floor to the ground floor and vice versa does not require lining up for minutes end and if I'm impatient enough, I could take the stairs. Unfortunately, taking the stairs to my current office floor is daunting as I'm on the 37th floor.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012


I was computing my class' midterm grades yesterday and I was dismayed by the performance of some of my students. My father-in-law consoled me by saying that the midterm grade is only a gauge on how the student is performing and does not really count to the final grade. Nevertheless, just the thought of failing someone makes my stomach turn. I was a student once and I know how difficult a failing grade can be to take in.

My friends who are also professors added that I don't have to feel sorry for the student if she is not exerting effort to learn. I was reminded that learning is a two-way street. I teach and my pupils study. One even said that the teacher's anthem is: "I did my best, but I guess your best was not good enough...there's no easy way to break somebody's heart." (Thank you Mr. Cortez)

I just really hope that I can become an effective teacher. I really want my students to learn from me and I hope I can impart the lesson without too much difficulty.

Thanks to for the pic.

Sunday, January 29, 2012


Gosh, I can't believe I'm afflicted again with the same illness that I got same time last year (missed it by a few days).

Last year, I was able to eat (or drink) something from a nearby restaurant which gave me gastroenteritis. This year, I'm still trying to figure out what I ate (or drank) which has caused this again. I only went to two restaurants yesterday so it could be either of the two.

I can't afford to go on leave this week as it's my last week at work before I move to my new employer. I really do hope the meds will work soon.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

DFA Experience

This month has been really interesting for me as I experienced both sides of our government. The efficient and inefficient sides.

I recently had to get an NBI clearance for new employment. Sad to say, that was the worst experience I had with regards to our government and it irks me no end that I pay tax money just to get crappy service. Anyway, I don’t want to go into that further as I don’t want to rehash the hell I went through just to get that yellow paper that will enable me to move to a different company.

I was at the DFA earlier to have my passport renewed as it’s due to expire January 2013. I opted to renew as early as now as I’m not sure if I’ll have time throughout the year to fix this.

I scheduled for an appointment early this month and got a 3PM schedule as today is my son’s birthday and I’m on leave. He had a small party in school earlier and I left around quarter to 1. I made good time and was at DFA at 130PM which was 1 ½ hours before my appointment.

When I got inside, I was made to sit with my other co-3PM appointees. We were made to wait on benches underneath a tent outside the building. It was rather comfortable and I had my book with me to keep me entertained. Around 3PM, we were asked to follow the 230PM appointees inside the building where there’s another line going to the counter screeners to check your documents. Again, that was fast and I was able to reach the counter at around 330PM.

After that, I went to the 2nd floor to pay the passport fees. Again, line was very short.

After paying, I was directed to get a number to wait in line for the picture and fingerprint capture. When I got my number, I was surprised to see that there were 300 people more waiting ahead of me. I then settled down to wait. I was delighted to see how fast the numbers were being called though probably because they had more than 50 counters open. I estimated that they could process 10 people per minute (or more). That’s not bad. True enough, my number came up 30-45 minutes later.

If you look at it, I was actually done in an hour and a half. I just came in early for my appointment. If that’s considered a long wait for other people, it’s a big improvement over my NBI clearance experience which was very excruciating and frustrating.

By the way, for those wearing contact lenses, make sure you either don’t use them during your picture taking or bring contact lens solution and case with you. The DFA staff only noticed it after I was done. She asked me to remove my contact lens as it’s not my correct eye color. Unfortunately, I did not bring any solution or even a contact lens case with me. I was forced to remove it after they thankfully provided me a case where I can put it in. In lieu of the solution, we used water. Good thing I was still able to put them back on after the picture taking. I had no choice as my eye grade is 5.00 and I’m driving.

I then paid for delivery and was out of the building by 430PM.

That’s it, basically. By the way, they still have a different line for those with children and senior citizens and another queue for those scheduled through travel agencies.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Game of Thrones

I noted in my 2011 recap that I have started watching Game of Thrones sometime that year. However, I realized that I haven't made a post dedicated to that wonderful TV mini-series that made me read the dreadfully long but deliriously wonderful books.

I admit, the first time I saw a glimpse of the TV show, I recoiled from all the nudity and violence. But when I saw the trailer on HBO featuring the prologue which gave us an impression how the series really look like, I was hooked. The above is actually the opening credits of the show and it's just so awesome!

I love Sean Bean as Ned Stark. I don't care if he gets typecasted in historical/medieval/soldier roles (Lord of the Rings, Troy, Percy Jackson and now this) but he's just so effective. There's something about his face and performance that brings you back to the old ages where kings ruled.

The series made me search out the books and reading the novel while watching the show showed me are more in depth look on the wonderful world of Westeros and the intrigues played by the different lord and ladies of the realm. I'm a sucker for medieval stories as I grew up reading stories about knights and ladies and my favourite book ever is Jude Deveraux's "Knight in Shining Armor". When I was in third year high school, I got a perfect score in our World History quiz focusing on the medieval period. That's how much I'm into it.

My husband got me ebooks of all five existing books (2 are still yet to be released) which I downloaded into my Nook. I couldn't put the book down and hated it when I have to charge my device to be able to continue reading (that's maybe the drawback to shifting to electronic books. I have to plug it in when the battery runs out of juice).

The Game of Thrones mini-series is based on George R. R. Martin's Song of Ice and Fire books. The first of which is A Game of Thrones (GOT, 1996)--where the show started. Next is a Clash of Kings (ACOK, 1999), then A Storm of Swords (ASOS, 2000), followed by A Feast for Crows (AFFC, 2005). The fifth book which was released last year was A Dance With Dragons (ADWD, 2011). Two books have yet to be issued which are The Winds of Winter (TWOW) and A Dream of Spring (ADOS). As the books are quite long, the show only focused on certain parts of the first novel. I just read out the parts to fill in the holes.

However, when I got to the second book, ACOK really dragged at first. It was just in the middle of the book which I was forced to read while waiting in line the half day to get my NBI clearance, that the action really started. I literally could not put my nook down and was hooked at what's going to happen next. I grieved for those who died and applauded when my favourite characters won their battles.

I'm already on the 3rd book and I'm still engrossed. I dread finishing the fifth book as it will be a long wait before the sixth and seventh book will be released. I surely hope Martin finishes the 6th book soon and I really pray he'll still be alive to finish the 7th one. Actually, he's only 64 but he looks old in his pictures (must be the beard).

Sesason 2 of GOT will start on April which is three months away. I can't wait to immerse myself in their fascinating world afain.

In the meantime, here's a teaser trailer for the next season.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Personal Strategic Vision

During my Strategic Management class two years ago, our teacher, Prof. Elfren Cruz, required us to make our own Personal Strategic Vision. This is to ensure that we understand how a corporate vision really works.

I was able to craft one and looking at it now that two years have passed, I could say that it still holds true. It's still idealistic but at least it's the ideals that I really strive for.


Core Purpose
My core purpose is to make most of the talents that I have been given to be able to fully give justice in all the roles I play in my life.

Core Values
I am a woman who is a wife, amother, a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, a niece, a cousin, a student/teacher, a colleague, a subordinate, a supervisor, a neighbor and a friend, In order to play all these roles to the best of my abilities, I consider the following as values that would help me achieve by core purpose:

Generosity - I believe in giving until it hurts and without expecting anything in return. By giving, I do not mean just meeting financial needs but giving my time, my effort and my self.

Respect - I believe that there is good in all of us and it is because of that belief that enables me to respect people, even in the most trying times.

Responsible - I believe in being responsible for my own actions and words. I believe in my capabilities of making decisions and in knowing that I would have to live with the choices that I make.

Compassionate - I believe in being considerate of others. I believe in putting myself in the other persons' shoes to understand where they are coming from.

Trust - I believe that everyone is capable of good or being able to accomplish their assigned tasks.

Humility - I believe that I am not perfect and should never think that I am above others. I believe that there is still a lot of things that I need to improve or work on and this keeps me going in my goal in reaching my full potential.


Big Hair Audacious Goals (BHAGs)

Become a person who is instrumental in the success of people, activities and businesses.

Vivid Description

I will go to sleep at night knowing that I have done my best to keep my family safe and sound...My husband and I will raise a family of well-rounded individuals, rearing them to be God-fearing and responsible adults...I will do the best of my abilities to raise our children to be professionals and who will use their time and talents to help others who are in need, without being asked to...Fifty years from now, we'll be able to hold reunions with family and friends and seeing all of them happy and content with their lives...Fifty years from now and even beyond retirement, I hope to still be able to help people and to continue on giving and playing the roles that I've been given until the end of my days.

Friday, January 13, 2012


My officemate is a staunch defender of Charice and she really loves the little belter so much. She would tell us that Charice is very talented and would make us listen to her songs. Because of my colleague, I've also taken to searching for Charice videos in youtube whenever I find that I have the time to spare. Talent like hers is really something that the world should take note of.

This is her new single and it's really catchy. I hope it'll go up the charts.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Good Life

I'm claiming this as my theme song for 2012.

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

Monday, January 09, 2012

God Wants You to Know

While struggling to make a major decision last month, I came upon this FB app, "God Wants You to Know. It's basically an app that generates random "messages from God." Out of curiosity, I clicked on it to see what would be my random message and what came out I copy/pasted below. It was just so apt and helped me make up my mind.

On this day, God wants you to know
... that it's time you stopped hiding from life, and said yes to the adventure of being alive. Enough of the routine already. Go on, have an adventure, - do what you always wanted deep within your heart. Do what brings you alive, and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.

On February 6, I will begin a new chapter in my life because of this decision.

More to come...

Sunday, January 08, 2012

2012 Personal Projects

My Personal Projects are actually New Year Resolutions but I don't call them that as it's so passe. Besides, "New Year Resolutions" sound so doubtful so I started calling them "Personal Projects".

So far, I've had a good accomplishment rate. Last 2010,I accomplished 6/10 and for 2011, it was 8/10. Hopefully this year, I can do better.

Before I list down my 2012 projects, here's a rundown of how my 2011 went:

2011 Personal Projects

1. DECLUTTER! - Started January last year and was moderately successful. I was able to throw away a LOT of stuff and sold my 500+ of my book collection (which is basically 3/4 of what I have).

2. Be more physically active (walk/cardio at least 3x/week)- I did this and was able to run my short term goal of 20 minutes. I had to stop though when I thought I was pregnant. I plan to get back on the treadmill by this month.

3.Cook/bake at least 1x/month - Was only able to do this for 2 months but stopped

4. Find a new hobby by end of Quarter 1 - Can teaching be considered a hobby? If it is, I missed my target by 3 quarters but I still managed to find one before the end of the year.

5. Be pregnant by Quarter 3 - I cried over this one. But I believe that God has other plans for us. Besides, we already have Basti. If he's meant to be an only child then we accept it with grace.

6. Meet with "old" friends at least 1x/month - Not once a month but at least I was able to meet with a LOT of old friends this year--especially this Christmas. I've lost track of how many reunions I've attended.

7. Try a new restaurant at least 1x/month - Not really that successful. My dinner-mate when on a "tipid" mode so there goes our restaurant tripping

8. Visit my mom and sister in the US by Q2 - highly successful. It was my most memorable and best vacation so far.

9. Celebrate Basti's second birthday party - We didn't actually have a party. We just ate out and celebrated his birthday privately.

10. Celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary - We just had dinner at Mona Lisa Restaurant here at Alabang.

And here's my 2012 Personal Project List:
1. Limit myself to one dessert/sugary snack per day
2. Run 20 minutes on the treadmill
3. Run my first 3K race
4. Limit myself to 1/2 rice per meal with no rice for dinner
5. Visit all my doctors for a check-up (OB-Gyne, Endo, Cardio, Optha)
6. Survive my first year of teaching
7. Celebrate Basti's 3rd birthday
8. Celebrate 5th wedding anniversary
9. Visit another city in the country
10. Visit another country in Asia

Saturday, January 07, 2012

First Day = Epic Fail

I've been looking forward to this day since December. Today was the first day I met with my students.

Since I am a professor that replaced a teacher who had to go on leave in the middle of the term, I came in just a session before midterms. I also had to handle a subject that I've never heard of in my life. Looking at the syllabus, it looks like a hodgepodge of different subjects that I had. So I just reviewed the powerpoint and mentally prepared how I will approach the lecture.

When I came to class this morning, we had no laptop or projector and for some reason, none can be found for our class. That was when everything just fell apart. I could not conduct a lecture without the powerpoint and no pep talk can make me do otherwise. Even if the students have a copy of the lecture, I still can't bring myself to discuss the slides as my mind also went blank. I think I ended up spouting gibberish and I'm praying that they forgot everything that I said because thinking about it now, I said a lot of confusing stuff.

There's no lecture for the next couple of weeks as it will be midterms next week and group research after that. I'm just so disappointed with myself and hopefully, I can get out of this funk and be more prepared next time. My students deserve to have a professor who can deliver a decent lecture and I hope I can live up to expectations.