Wednesday, October 20, 2004


Darn this last song syndrome! Maroon 5's song is now permanently lodged in the videoke part of my brain, together with MYMP's "A Little Bit". Oh yeah, would recommend 94.7 during early afternoon (12 to 2 pm). They play acoustic hits during that time, and I'm not talking about the usual accoustic singers. I heard Nickelback's song today. Was surprised since I only hear their song in SO's radio station (NU 107).

Anyway, it's been days since my last post. I've been busy since Sunday. Leo and I were down south last Sunday and when I came home, I finished the last of my Ethics report and my genogram assignment.

As for Monday, I met with my groupmates to finalize our report. And yesterday, we had our group presentation. So far, the feedback was great and we got a nice applause for our efforts (even if our report took the whole 3 hour period!). And to think there were only three of us in the group.


There was a short, albeit, heated discussion at work last week about conjugal property. It started when SO made a statement regarding conjugal property. Anyway, I asked around and this is basically what I learned:

1. Anything that a person owns before marriage will be considered part of the conjugal property. Property, land titles and other chattel usually fall under this category. Income earned and debts incurred before and during the marriage will also be part of the conjugal pool. Jewelry, believe it or not, is also considered conjugal (although I doubt a husband would want to wear his wife's bling-blings or earrings).

2. If you're married, even if you have a bank account only under your name, the money there will be considered conjugal property and your spouse will have legal rights to that account.

3. There are property and assets which can be exempt from this ruling. For one, if the aforementioned property/assets were inherited, donated or given to the person. Inheritance or lotto/lottery winnings are not conjugal.

4. The existence of a pre-nuptial agreement is for the purpose of limiting the application of the conjugal law. A pre-nup can dictate which assets can only be considered as part of the conjugal pool. It can also have a clause in cases if the couple will separate--that sort of thing--which leads to the thought that if one part asks the other party to sign a pre-nup, they automatically presume that they will separate and that one is only with the other for his/her money. I can be wrong in this and I'm not claiming total authority. Any correction will be welcome.


I played "Dear Ate Sunshine" to a good friend tonight. We had dinner at a nearby Pancake House and I spent more than an hour or so listening to his woes and his over-rationalization. I didn't mind though. It's been a long time since we've talked and I would want him to find the same happiness that I share with my SO right now. If listening and giving him the female's point of view is the only thing I can do for him, then I'll glady do so.


I think my friend will kill me if he sees this. Isipin niya binebenta ko na siya (actually, parang ganon nga. Hwek hwek hwek!).

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Puerto Galera

Since my cradle is not here, I have to make do with old pictures to post.

This one was taken two years ago during one of our group's first forays to Puerto Galera. A low-tech camera was used to take this really nice picture of us. I'm such a big standout in my white shirt.

Acquaintances and Friendships

I went to the Taft campus to meet with my groupmates this morning. We have a group report this Tuesday and the information that we need is only available in the Taft campus library. It was also the first time that I returned to the library after 7 years.

It took me awhile to get my bearings and to refamiliarize myself with the cataloguing system. My groupmates were impressed with how fast I was able to find the books from the shelves. I credit it to my high school library training. Being the nerd that I am, I spent my free hours in the library. I wanted to spend some more time there but my asthma was acting up and I could not stand the smell of old books.

After meeting with my groupmates, I had one of them drop me off at my grandparents' house in Makati. They were pleasantly surprised to see me although I did not stay long. I hailed a cab to take me back home. Upon arriving, I went online to download the program that I needed to make my genogram for my ethics class. It's a rather colorful chart. It took me a few hours to finish and I proudly showed my SO the results. Well, actually, I just told him that I included him in my chart (as "dating"). It irritated me when he questioned his presence there. What compounded to the irritation was when he asked me to change my YM picture (which featured the both of us). I know this is just a quirk of his, but it irritated me once again. I don't know. Maybe this has nothing to do with him.

I've been under pressure the past two days to do a very distasteful task that my mom asked me to do for her. Times like these that I wish I was never born. Much as I would want to ask for moral support from my SO, I don't know if he can even give me that since his family is not as dysfunctional as mine (you want dysfunctional? Just look at my genogram!). Nor has he harboured these feelings that I'm feeling for my family right now.

Ok, I just did what every eldest sibling would do in situation such as this--pass it on to the youngest (haha!). I asked my brother to do the task and gave him the specific instructions. Hopefully, he'll be able to do this to the letter.

Anyway, onto happy thoughts. Met with my barkada last night. I haven't seen them for three months and it was a happy reunion, even if it was just to watch Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (a nice watch, by the way). I missed everyone, especially Allan, my ever-wise bestprend. We managed to set a dinner date for next week for a lengthier and more private talk. It was a lively atmosphere over dinner. I really did miss everyone. Chris hasn't cut his hair in months and was the subject of our ire and teasing (from the "vaness" to the "inis" look); Edy and Ipe are still a cute couple; Ching and Mike are still going strong; and Rico is still the same subdued "bubbly" (I don't know how you can reconcile those two words, but that's how I describe him) self.

Other than picking on Chris' hair, being the un-athletic people that we are, we picked on the DLSU basketball team, moreover with their recent appearance at Cito Beltran's talk show. SO and I saw the show although we only caught the last part of the interview. Apparently, one of the players gave a really stupid answer to a really easy question which made me cringe and be ashamed of coming from the same school that he did. To give him credit, maybe he was just nervous, but how can you give an "I don't know" answer to a "What is your course all about?" question? Aaaaargggghhh!!! Franz Pumaren was the only one who made sense in that interview.

We're scheduled to come together (right now! Over me!) again on Miko's birthday at the end of this month. That will be another round of lively conversations, cigarette breaths and no doubt, alcohol-induced slumbers. Ah yes, my friendships! I missed you guys!

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Hi Ho Hi Ho Off to the Shop It Goes

I returned to Electroworld Park Sqaure with the SO this lunch time to have my Palm Zire cradle checked, since it was not synching with my laptop. The attendant could not figure out what was wrong with it so he pulled it out. So I have to preserve my palm's battery since I won't be getting it back for three days or so.


My sister-in-law is pregnant once again. She's 7 weeks on the way, which means that she'll be five months pregnant on her wedding. I do hope the gown will fit. Moreover, I do pray that she carries this baby full term. Too bad my mom won't be here to witness the birth of her first ever grandchild.

My brother-in-law's father was also rushed to the ICU yesterday due to a mild heart attack. The doctor noted that it was because of his excessive smoking that got him to where he is right now. This prompted us siblings to relaunch our "dad-you-have-to-quit-smoking" campaign. We have been nagging our dad for years and years and years to quit something. He was already hospitalized before and the doctor already advised him to quit, but no, he still kept on going. It bothered me that my half-sister loved our dad's smoky smell when we all shy away from him once we smell a whiff of cigarette smoke. We do hope that he does not learn his lesson the hard way.

My possible future father-in-law had an angioplasty a few years back and this promoted them to eat healthier (which also prompted Leo's abrupt weight loss. He lost 20 freaking pounds in less than three months!).

My cough has gone from bad to worse. Noticed that it acts up when I'm exposed to the cold. It's unfortunate that the aircon vent at work is near my area. It's more unfortunate that two jackets still did not keep the cold out during class this evening. The tightening in my chest area became more acute. I was only relieved when I managed to thaw out. I swear, I'll never survive in a cold country. I'll probably be miserable the whole time.

It will also be a contention when/if Leo and I live together. The heat bothers him easily while the cold bothers me easily. Wonder where will the compromise be in that? Heck, if my sisters survived this, I'm sure I can too (according to my sisters' stories, they also don't like the cold and their respective husbands do. I'll ask them for tips on how they managed the sleeping arrangements).

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Woe is Me!

My technical difficulties does not want to end.

First of all, there's my palm. It automatically reset itself this evening. I had no idea why. This prompted me to dig up my warranty sheet and pack all my palm paraphernalia up ready for a trip to the shop tomorrow. All the while I thought it was just the cradle, now my the unit itself is acting up.

Second, there's my laptop. I can't seem to get rid of this bug that keeps on restarting my computer. I already installed two patches: WindowsXP-KB824146-x86-ENU and WindowsXP-KB835732-x86-ENU. I don't know which one will stop the auto-restart but I hope it's one of those.

I also switched my anti-virus from Norton to McAfee. Hopefully, it will do a better job than Norton from keeping all those nasty viruses (is this the plural form?) out of my system. Also installed Spyware to keep out that nasty spybot bug that keeps on lodging itself in my folders (how it gets there, I have no freaking idea).

From the technical difficulties, let's go to my breathing difficulties. I grew up as an asthmatic. At least now, my attacks are not as worse as four years before wherein I could barely get out of bed. For the past few weeks, I could feel a tightening in my chest area. The tightening developed into a cough. The sneezing followed although everything is still not yet full-blown.

I'm thinking twice of NOT getting sick. I would welcome the sick day since the load at work is not that heavy, but getting sick would mean missing a school day. I'd rather miss a day at work than a day at school.

My Marketing Management professor gave my group a very interesting case to present next week. My group will be tackling the Viagra case. My group and I had our initial meeting this evening and it was hilarious! We still have no idea how we'll report this considering that 80% of our group of five is female (meaning only one guy!). What contributed more to our hilarity was we were openly discussing erectile dysfunction in very loud voices, in a classroom shared with another group who obviously sounds like law students (yes, La Salle is offering MBA-JD in partnership with FEU).

Through this case, we found out interesting stuff about Viagra and erectile dysfunction. For one, Viagra is NOT an aphrodisiac (in contrast to what others perceive it to be). It only works for men who are suffering from erectile dysfunction. These guys can't literally, get it up.

It's interesting to note that though how well received the product is, the hype did not translate to sales. Filipino men don't like talking about their sexual performance (or lack of it) because it will go against the common macho attitude.

Anyway, our reporting for that will be Thursday next week. We have a week to figure out how to present this creatively (pogi points for us and hopefully, a 4.0!).

Monday, October 11, 2004

Leo and Sunshine

This picture was taken using my sister's 76-something phone. The image is a bit blurry (that's the difficulty when you're the one who's taking the picture) and it was on night mode. Nevertheless, I still love this picture.

Requisccat in Pace

I was momentarily stunned when I heard the news that Christopher Reeves died. I first heard about it in the radio although I only heard the last part of the breaking news. I had to call Leo (through the internet) to confirm the news flash.

It's definitely sad news since I've always equated Christopher Reeves to the Superman cartoon. Yes, I know he's not really Superman but it's ironic that he played a character who was considered the Man of Steel. I guess it goes to show that he's just human after all.

May he rest in peace.


It was Saturday night and for the first time in ages, I was home bored out of my mind. Leo's busy with work and just spent more than 8 hours in the office (on a Saturday!) and afterwards, went straight home to brood and rant about his work. I, on the other hand, spent the morning with a friend although I came home shortly after 4 pm to try to catch up with my assignments and also to relax.

To my dismay, my sister had her classmates over and they occupied our living and dining room. Since turning on the tv is not option, I could have just planted myself in front of my laptop and surfed to my heart's delight. Unfortunately, my brother was tinkering with my laptop and reinstalling stuff.

Left with no other alternative, I semi-cleaned my room although that took only an hour. I contented myself to playing some of my palm games. Nevertheless, that did not look too good considering I'm capable of amusing myself even without electricity.

Speaking of my palm, I think there's something wrong with my cradle. All the while, I thought there was a problem with my drivers, but when I tested the cradle on another PC, it still would not work. I have no other option but to go back to the shop and have the cradle checked. That's such a big hassle.

Oh yeah, my sister has a brand new spanking phone. Her husband got her the new Nokia 76-series phone (the one that's shaped like a leaf). She's the point of envy of everyone in the house right now. As much as I would want to get a new phone, I don't have the financial means to do so right now. I'm even worrying where I will get my Christmas shopping money! And most of all, I have no freaking idea what to get my SO for Christmas! What do you give someone who has (almost) everything?! And my possible-future-in-laws?! What do I give them?! ((worry worry worry))


You might be wondering why I feel fat today. Well, it's what I get for more than 3 weeks of no physical activity. Ever since school started, it's difficult for us to find a free schedule to go walking or jogging. The lack of exercise slowed down my metabolism. Moreover, I've made it a habit to drink coffee in the morning (or afternoon). It's becoming part of my staple diet and I find that alarming. One cup of coffee for me can be fattening since I drink my coffee with lots of milk and sugar (my officemates call it milk with coffee). However, I've been teaching myself to drink plain tea. Is it healthier than coffee?

Saturday, October 09, 2004


An 6.3 earthquake hit our island 10:30 last night. It was the strongest earthquake I've experienced since the 7.1 that devastated Baguio last 1991 (prior Pinatubo).

Leo and I were at Cinema 2 of Greenbelt 3 watching Shark's Tale and I just came from the restroom. Just as I sat down, I felt my chair shake. I just looked at Leo while half of the theater's patrons hurried to the exits. I asked him whether we should be also heading for the exits but he just sat there saying that it will pass and he continued on watching as if nothing extraordinary was happening. I sat there all tense while I gripped his hand tightly silently praying that nothing catastrophic will happen.

The earthquake lasted for approximately half a minute. I immediately called the house inquiring about everyone and ensuring that everyone is safe. I informed them of my whereabouts and that I will be heading home as soon as the traffic clears (most of the people suddenly wanted to leave).

I couldn't help but be paranoid about yesterday's earthquake. The 1991 earthquake was still fresh in my mind. I was in the school's library chatting with the librarian when the quake hit. My friend and I scurried under a table and prayed for dear life while I saw the 10 ft high shelves topple over.

The swaying lights overhead (it was an old building. Ours was an old school) crashed on the table we were hiding under. I hurried home after that and I remembered crying when I got home (I was 16 years old then). Scanning this morning's news report, no major catastrophe has been reported. Thank God!

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Make Up

It's been a dramatic and emotional week for me. I was torturing myself and reflecting on things which compounded the intensity of my emotions. Good thing Leo and I touched base tonight which somehow eased the anxiety and brought things to a manageable perspective. I'm glad I was able to air certain concerns out and not let my otherwise hurtful tongue, take control of the situation.

I was very much annoyed with my SO since he has not been answering my text messages for the past couple of days. I somehow understood his silence since he had an exam and case presentation tonight. I tried to be understanding but the silence just bugged me. I started getting paranoid and thinking that I might've done something to annoy him (girls, you know what I mean by this).

Whenever I try talking to him, he sounded distracted which irked me more. When we met after our respective classes, he was in high spirits because apparently, he did well in the exam and report (thank God!). While waiting for our turn to get out of the school's basement parking, I blurted out how annoyed I was for his silence. It turns out that it has been a long-term habit of his to ignore messages whenever he's busy or focused on something. He apologized and somehow, that, and the corresponding hug and "I'll make it up to you this weekend", assuaged my fears and soothed my tired spirit.

My gosh! Ganon lang ba ako kababaw? :D At least we talked. That's a good thing. I was at first, tempted to ignore him but I realized that that would lead to more heartache. I feel better now.

Lost and Found

Funny how the internet works. Not only do you find things that you need, but you also get to find long lost people (or they find you). Let's just say a person who used to be part of my life (extended family life that is) found me and we exchanged pleasantries and updated ourselves with regards to our respective lives. I'm glad he's doing well and from the looks of it, happy with his life. I wish him well.

I discovered It's a link which you can place in your blog that will reflect your current mood. It features different moods and being the moody person that I am, I get to relate. I think it's only applicable to females though. Maybe there are male versions.

Caught the last full show of Farenheit 9/11 last Tuesday night at Rockwell. Leo was adamant that we watch it before they take it out of the cinemas. The film won best picture at the Cannes Filmfest. Let's just say that you'll begin leaning towards becoming a Democrat after watching that film. There were a lot of conspiracies presented and somehow, it doesn't sound something new to me. We have lots of that here in my country.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Codependence Day

These past few days have been a revelation for me. I learned a few painful lessons and I resolved to learn from all of these eye-openers which would hopefully, help me before it's too late.

Before I go into that, let me share with you these things: There are three kinds/stages of a relationship. Before a couple decides to become a couple, or even before they meet, they are two independent human beings (assuming of course that they did not come from other relationships).

Stage 1: Independence
An independent human being can survive on her own. She depends on herself for happiness and any other decision, which would affect her as a human being. When two people meet and there's a certain attraction, they decide to take their relationship further by dating (for other cases, they get married immediately without exploring each other's personalities. This may work for other people while others do not). At the start of the relationship, one might be dependent on the other, in a sense that one is "superior" to the other

Stage 2: Dependence
One would depend her happiness on the other's presence and/or decisions. she loses her sense of self since she identifies herself with the other person and not as an individual.

Stage 3: Codependence
The last kind/stage of a relationship is codependence. In this case, both people in the relationship are equally dependent on the other. I believe that this is what couples should strive for. Both should work for the success of their commitment to each other. A two way thing so to speak.

These reflections came out as a result of going through bouts of jealousy and insecurity. I found myself stuck in the second stage. I realized that I've forgotten 8 years worth of lessons on independence and have become dependent on someone. I do not mean being dependent with regards to basic needs, but in the emotional, psychological and even physiological level.

Before I met Leo, I was basically alone (not counting the LDR one) for 7 years. I learned to go malling by myself, learned how to watch movies by myself, do the groceries by myself and basically, being myself without being answerable to anyone. I would do anything without consulting anyone (except for friends if their presence were needed). It was a great, albeit, lonely time, but I was my own person.

Seven months ago, Leo and I became, as what Amazing Race terms it, a "dating couple". We would be together every weekend (and sometimes during the week). We would talk everyday and consult each other for plans. We get along with each other's families and was and still is, a sickingly sweet couple. We hear mass together and spend every free time with each other. We would also go jogging/walking together. Everything was perfect.

However, things do not look as good as they seem. I recently realized that I have grown dependent on Leo with regards to my happiness and well-being. I refused to go out with other people if Leo was not with me. As much as possible, I bring him with me wherever I go. I ask special dispensation just for him to be with me for events wherein outsiders are not allowed. I feel angry or sad if he prioritizes other things before me. I finally experienced what jealousy is and old insecurities started to resurface. It may seem sweet to other people for me to feel bereft and sad with the absence of my significant other, but it's not healthy. It's not right.

Through this past seven months, I realized that I made the mistake of revolving my life and plans around this certain person who may not even agree to my plans, or may not even include me in his future plans. I made him one of my top priorities, even sometimes, surpassing my studies, work and even God. I just assumed that I'm also a top priority of his.

Bottom line was, I have loved this person so much that I've forgotten to leave some for myself. It's no secret to him or to the whole world how much I would want to get married. It does not help that people around me are getting married left and right. All my siblings are married (civil rites though) and their church weddings will be this December and January. A person at work will also be getting hitched next year. Whenever friends see me, the first thing they ask me is when will my wedding date be. All these things converged and coagulated into one thought of getting married. Immediately!

However, it is also not a secret to me that Leo's not ready to settle down. I thought I respected that but I was unconsciously pressuring him to pop the question. I'd talk endlessly about weddings, rings, dates, churches etc. hoping I can get him to change his mind. Whenever I would bring the topic up and receive a non-committal reply, I was setting myself up for disappointment. I was pressuring him and myself for something which he (and maybe I) am not ready to get into. It was a hard lesson. One I had to learn by myself.

No, Leo and I are not breaking up (I hope so. But then, he hasn't read this yet). I'm not that stupid to give up something so special and so wonderful. I still love Leo very much. I just have to shift my paradigm and hopefully, make decisions for the betterment of myself and to save our relationship from further harm. Though how understanding and patient Leo is with me, I have to bring myself to change. He can only be understanding and patient up to a certain degree. I cannot expect him to always understand me everytime I go through a jealous fit. I have to reconstruct my plans, my hopes and my dreams or better yet, come up with Plan B.

A wedding and marriage can wait. I received good advice from people that I should not rush this. Though how loud and fast my body clock is ticking (I will be 30 in a year's time), I just have to try my best to ignore it and leave the rest to God. Everything will happen in God's time. Maybe one day, Leo and I will reach that codependence stage and most importantly, maybe one beautiful day in the future, I may get to walk down that elusive aisle.

Saturday, October 02, 2004

That's Done (For Now)

Leo and I had a late dinner Thursday night and I got home almost midnight. It was useless to panic but I had to get up early the next day since we're going to Tarlac for the Outreach and meeting time was 6 freaking AM (and I thought those days were over).

Unfortunately, I could not sleep immediately and I ended up only having 3 hours worth of sleep. I only managed to get a few minutes of shut-eye in the coaster but fortunately, I was able to survive the Outreach without snapping at people. I even enjoyed myself.

I also had so much to eat yesterday. After our turnover at the Aeta school, we had a lunch buffet and I tried VERY hard (and succeeded) in not gorging myself with the Kapampangan delicacies. When we got back to Manila almost 3 hours later, my boss had 3 bilaos of pancit delivered to celebrate her 29th birthday (yep, she's only 29 yet she's my boss and an AVP) plus some tarts from DeliFrance. I also broke a vow and drank a cup of coke and a cup of sprite.

Leo picked me up around 8 pm and we had dinner at a Japanese restaurant at Rockwell (Leo was hungry so he ordered a LOT). I have to compensate for all those eating yesterday. Hopefully, SO's not that hungry today so we can maybe skip merienda. The sugar and caffeine yesterday helped me through the day, but I experienced a crash when Leo brought me home from Rockwell. I fell asleep while we were watching TV and I crawled up to bed. Not even waking up when Leo tried calling me on my cell to tell me he's home (I always wake up whenever he does that).

My palm and my laptop are not synching. I have all these nice pictures that I took of my Clark trip and our outreach that I wanted to post here. I have to figure out how to resolve this hardware problem. I'm thinking of getting a new OS for my laptop. WinXP has too many bugs.

I'm still sleepy. One of these days, I'll be able to get enough sleep to satisfy my body. Whenever that will be, I have no idea but I hope it will be soon. My memory has gotten so bad due to the lack of sleep.