Friday, December 29, 2006
For Christmas Eve, I made my peach-mango ref cake to bring to our Noche Buena with my grandparents. Leo picked me up at around 930 am for our 10am mass at St. James. Afterwhich, we went to their house where we saw Papa's (hah! I should get used to calling Leo's parents "Papa and Mama". After all, their recent gifts to me was tagged, "From Papa and Mama". Hah! I'm part of the family!) new toys. Papa wanted to buy a flatscreen TV but instead, he bought an LCD projector. Other than that, he bought a folding piano off VENTA5. He was really enjoying his new toys!
I also prepared the ham/cheese bread sticks that Mama asked me to make for the Christmas reunion. We watched dvd's after that.
By 3 pm, we went back to the house where I picked up the gifts that I'm bringing to Makati. We had Domino's for merienda and we left for Makati at around 6 pm. We thought we were early but apparently, we were the last ones to arrive.
It was fun seeing my family again--especially my niece and nephew. Chloe has grown to be very friendly and she's smiling a lot! She can make you laugh by just her smile. However, Miguel has reached the cranky stage wherein strangers make him uneasy and everytime he's not within the proximity of his parents, he breaks out into loud cries.
However, my cousin was late. Lolo did not want to start dinner without him. Apparently, I learned (I live in the same house but I'm always the last one to know!) that cousin and his mother had a disagreement which caused my cousin to leave the house. Christmas Eve was the first time I've seen him in a week! Lolo wanted them to make up but I don't know what happened then. It was just so sad as Lolo was quite upset.
After dinner, we opened presents where I got a nice digital camera from my mom and stepdad (Nikon Funpix!) and a bag from my dad and stepmom. My aunt gave me another bag while my brother and his wife gave me a wallclock (yahoo! Just what I needed). My sister and and her husband gave me a nice pair of earrings.
A few minutes later, Leo and I said our goodbyes where we then proceeded to my sister-in-law's house at BF. We ate (again) and stayed there until 1 am where I saw Leo's nephews opened their gifts finding their PSP's (from their Lolo). Take note, both of them got their OWN PSP!
The next day, I woke up at freaking 6 am (damn my body clock!) and I could not go back to sleep. I went downstairs to get some breakfast and I was quite surprised to find my dad there. Apparently, he was supposed to bring Mamu and Atay to Pampanga. My aunt came down and she was very upset as her car was not tuned properly to make the long drive to Pampanga. She sat on the stairway and started crying (I don't know if due to her car or because of her son). My dad and I tried our best to comfort her but I had to leave when Leo arrived. I just gave her a hug and a pack of tissues.
Leo and I went to church to hear Christmas Day mass and we went to their house where I cooked the ham and cheese sticks that I prepared the previous day, then we waited for the gang to arrive.
It was fun spending time with his family and relatives. I got to know his cousins better and I found out what a funny lot they are. One of his cousins is also getting married next month and we exchanged notes. I'll also be taking down notes during her wedding to see which aspects I can adapt for my wedding.
They also liked the ham and cheese thingee that I cooked. I'm trying to find the Pancit Molo recipe that an aunt gave me way way back. It seems it's one of their favourite dishes but no one knows how to cook it. So I guess I have to learn how to cook it (pogi points!).
Anyway, it's the last working day for the year and I can't wait for the long weekend. I'll be probably spending it with Leo's family again, not that I mind.
Happy New Year!
Friday, December 22, 2006
Personally, I'm really feeling that Christmas is just around the corner--with the help of the "The Nativity Story". However, there are too many negative things happening around me that prevents me from fully enjoying the holidays.
First of all, there's this person that has been giving me grief for the past three months. I'm seriously thinking of giving up and going elsewhere. I don't think I can survive this fight anymore. I have to leave before my reputation gets slashed into pieces. Though how much pep talk I give myself, I don't think staying will be for the best of my well-being. We'll see.
Other people have been giving me the cold shoulder for reasons that I really can't understand. I try to ignore it and let whatever it is they're feeling pass, but it can get quite difficult to do.
It's been quite challenging. I'm glad my Christmas shopping is done. At least it's one less grief for me.
I haven't really been attending the Simbang Gabi but I've been attending the masses the past four days. The priests officiating the masses at work are the Salesian Priests of Don Bosco. They're quite a happy and jolly bunch. Fr. Francis Gustilo is my favourite as he used to say mass at my hometown since I was a kid. I told him that I still remembered one of his homilies--about the camel and the needle's eye. I don't know why that stuck to me, but it did. I thought of asking him to officiate our wedding but I already asked two other priests--Fr. Eligio and Fr. Eliseo Santos.
I met Fr. Eli and Fr. Elis at work. We usually have First Friday Masses and other Special Celebration Masses and they usually officiate (they're related by the way. They're 7 siblings and 3 of them are priests. The other one died at East Timor). Their homilies are very touching but I'm leaning more on getting Fr. Elis. I always cry when I confess to him and he has always said the right words to give me comfort. Again, they're both very busy and they told me to remind them of my schedule. I won't mind if they're both available, but I hope at least one is available on my wedding.
Nevertheless, it has been quite a year for me. A year full of blessings. Though how much I gripe and complain, I have been very blessed this year. Let me count the ways:
1. Leo and I finally decided to get married
2. I got a promotion/transfer
3. I was able to enhance my learning and broaden my horizons
4. I saw my high school friends more than once this year
5. Two people who mean so much to me finally made peace with each other
6. I finally "acknowledged" the mother of my stepsister (hey, if I could talk to my stepfather, why not her?)
And many others. Okay, Leo just called me to say that he's on his way to fetch me. I'll continue this list some other time :)
After lunch, I hitched a ride with Fr. Francis Gustilo to Don Bosco where I had lunch at Amici. Afterwards, I met up with my friend Kay at Waltermart where we ran into Leo's mom. Then, Kay invited me to watch the Nativity Story with her. I was not exactly sold to the idea but not finding anything else to do, I agreed.
After almost two hours, I'm so glad I agreed to watch it with her. Movies like that should be shown during Christmas to remind everyone why we are celebrating Christmas in the first place. We celebrate Christmas because Jesus was born. God's Son who will save mankind.
The movie portrayed Mary as a young girl--around 15 years old. She was so obedient and willing to do God's will even if it will give her hardships. She had so much faith that at the risk of being stoned to death, she agreed to bear the Saviour.
As for Joseph, now I know why he's the patron saint for those seeking husbands. Joseph is a very good man. He puts the needs of his family above his own and he was kind and merciful enough to claim the baby as his and not let Mary be stoned to death. There should be more men like Joseph and I'm so glad that my husband-to-be embodies the qualities of Joseph.
The best part of the movie which caused Kay and I to break down in tears was when Christ was born. The sheperds were approaching the family at the stable and they had this look of awe on their faces. One of them crept near and almost touched the babe but pulled back the last second, fearing that the mother might not like a stranger touching her baby. But Mary smiled and offered Jesus to him simply saying, "He is for all mankind." We kept on crying when the three wise men came and gave their offerings.
Christmas is not the Simbang Gabi nor the presents that we give. It is not the Christmas songs or the cold weather. Christmas is the birth of our Saviour
Now it really feels like Christmas.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Anyway, it's been two weeks since my birthday. There wasn't a big celebration or anything. Leo and I went to the bazaar in the morning where my mom called me in my cell and I got to talk to her and my stepfather. After finding some nice buys at the St. james bazaar, Leo and I then proceeded to Spirals at Philippine Plaza where I had the best buffet I ever had in my entire life. It certainly beats Circles in food, atmosphere AND price. Imagine, they had a cheese and wine buffet! Yum yum! And two chocolate fountains too! Gosh, am starting to get hungry again just thinking about that yummy food.
After partaking of that sumptuous fare, we then proceeded to the Mall of Asia. It was our first time there and I was looking forward to it after hearing so much about it from my friends. Unfortunately though, just spending 10 minutes there made me want to leave. We made the mistake of going there during a Sunday. There were so many people around and I felt claustrophobic even if it was a very big humongous place. Am not returning there during a weekend!
We capped the day by hearing mass again at St. James. It has been a blessed 30th year and am looking forward to my 31st year. It will no doubt be memorable for me as I'm going to get married! (happy happy joy joy!).
This is the first time in years that I'm still in the office near Christmas. I used to be on leave starting on the 15th. It's just I decided to take my block leave last November (when I had that nervous breakdown and I had to recuperate). Things were supposed to be quiet and slow but there are a couple of audits waiting for us on January and February so we're trying to catch up.
Yesterday, my college friends I met up at Greenbelt 3. We don't see much of each other as we did before thus this meeting was really fun where we caught up with each other's lives. We got a little corner at Pasha and after talking and eating for 3 hours, we caught the late afternoon screening of Tenacious D. There were some funny parts in the movie but there were also parts where I was dozing off.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Due to my tight schedule tomorrow, am having dinner at home with my family tonight. Hopefully they'll sleep over as I miss my niece and nephew. Tomorrow, Leo and I will hear mass first thing in the morning and then to the St. James bazaar (we actually already went this morning but we're not yet done with our shopping. I have to be here at work in the afternoon and he has to go to school), then have lunch at Spirals (heard good things about this restaurant in Westin Philippine Plaza). After lunch, we're watching "Happy Feet" at I-Max. If we have time, we can go back to bazaar.
That's it. Hope this coming year will be better than this one.
You are The Star
Hope, expectation, Bright promises.
The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised
The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
I slept at 1 am this morning as I was reading my past journals last night. Ever since grade school, I've been keeping diaries but last 2001 during a difficult move of ours, I threw them away as I saw them as dust gatherers. Together with those journals, I also threw away letters, notes, mementos of my grade school and high school days. I regret that I did that. My memory lately is so poor that everytime I'm with my high school and college friends, I'm having difficulty remembering stuff that happened back then. The journals that I'm keeping now has January 1997 as the earliest date--during my college graduation.
It was really hilarious and I just wondered about my naiveity and stupidity before. I cringe whenever I read about embarassing stuff and I envy my life before when I was so close to God. I wrote down my reflections on Gospels and I kept thanking God almost every page. I should regain that kind of spirituality. My recent trials is God's way of reminding me of his presence and how much I've forgotten Him.
Please pray for me.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
During the past two weeks, I spent most of it with friends and loved ones. In doing so, I learned more about myself and what I was going through with regards to my problems at work.
My bestfriend Kay tried to help me figure out objectively what I was feeling. When I think of my work, I get all tensed and stressed. We then dug deeper and tried to figure out what was the source of my stress. It's definitely not the work as I really love what I do; I love the learning experiences that happens everyday. The work is not a problem, it's my boss who I really dread to return to.
Don't get my wrong. My boss is very good at what he does and he's really serious in cleaning up the department. It's just that, it was the first time in my entire life that somebody made me feel that I'm a failure. No, he did not say it directly to my face and I know he did not mean to make me feel that way. When he came in, I was unofficially the OIC of our department and since I was inexperienced and there were too many things to be done, a lot of things fell through the cracks. He kept on asking about things that should've been done but was not done. It made me feel really bad and I felt like a total failure whenever I tell him, "I don't know" or "No, it was not done". To make it short, I took it personally.
I met with my college friend Cessna today, and when I told her of my concerns about my job, she said that I have always been a perfectionist. No wonder I felt the way I felt. My standards of myself are so high that if I fail to meet them, I take it as a failure and failure is something that is hard for me to accept. Though it may not seem that way to some people (and sometimes, even to me), I am an achiever (sometimes, an overachiever). I guess it was something that has been ingrained in me since childhood. My family has kept reiterating how they expect me to succeed and it was something that I really believed in and kept to heart. I guess it what drove me to where I am right now.
My personality demands perfection and am quick to see flaws on things--sadly, even on other people. It was the added pressure of wanting to be perfect so that if I point out a flaw on other people, they can't say the same thing to me. It's a miracle that I did not turn into an evil narcistic bitch. Though it may be a liability, it is what makes me perfect in my current job function.
Going back to my boss, I have subliminally and unconsciously identified him as my source of stress, that the thought of just seeing him again makes me cringe which is somewhat perplexing. My boss can be a tyrant but he is a kind man. He's still a human being and not a monster as my unconscious has portrayed him to be. I have to change my mindset of him and it's something that I really have to work on if I want to be effective and productive at work. I really love what I do and going back to my personal mission, vision and values, this is what I really want to do. As Kay said, I have to let that be my beacon to lead me through the darkness.
So what really drives me? What do I consider as a success?
I am an intellectual person. As long as I am doing something that enables me to learn regularly, I'm a happy camper. Success is also not measured through material wealth or promotions. Success for me is reaching my full potential and being able to use all the talents that God has given me. Success for me is measured by meeting the objectives set AND surpassing them; to see how far I can be stretched; to see how far I can go.
I have different definitions of success in all aspects of my life. As Kay (she is turning to be my personal Yoda. I don't know what I could've done without her guidance and help) said, work is just a facet of my life. To make it as the only facet will somehow lead to my downfall. There are other aspects of my life which I have to pay attention to.
Though how much perfection I demand on myself and others, I just have to accept that I am an imperfect being; that I am human and that I commit mistakes. Sometimes acceptable, sometimes unacceptable mistakes and I have to learn to live with that knowledge. I just have to learn how to forgive myself and move one. Maybe once I have accepted that then maybe I can be more at peace with myself and my own humanity.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
It was a typical fantasy tale with dwarves, elves, dragons, mages and of course, the hero, 16 year-old Eragon. I do wish the author named him something else. His name looks like an allusion to Lord of the Ring's Aragorn.
I like the book though. I've forgotten how a fantasy tale can hook me up and would make me unable to put the book down. I think I slept past 1 am with barely 100 pages left. Upon waking up this morning, it took me less than 30 minutes to finish it. Much to my chagrin, I've forgotte that this was a BOOK ONE of a series of books. Gosh, I hope it's only a trilogy and not like that never-ending Wheel of Time series of Robert Jordan or Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series. It never ends!
Anyway, I'll write more about it. Am starting on "Labyrinth" which I bought weeks ago. HOpefully, this won't be a series.
Pagdating ng Panahon, if I'm correct, is the second (or is it third?) movie featuring the Sharon Cuneta-Robin Padilla tandem (I don't dare call it a "love team". Somehow, "love team" is more appropriate for teeny boppers, but not in the age group of Sharon and Robin). The first one was Maging Sino Ka Man where Robin Padilla popularized the line "taas kamay ko sa yo!" (and that was during his pre-carrying-firearms-without-a-permit days). If there was a second movie, I can't remember it. (Disclaimer, the reason I watched the first movie was that my twin sister had a huge crush on Robin Padilla then and she wanted to watch it.)
Anyway, I was not able to catch in the credits who directed "Pagdating" but I really have to hand it to her. Surprisingly, I really liked the movie. It's really great to watch a movie without any expectations. Liking it was a pleasant surprise.
The movie started off with sweeping shots of a coconut farm where tuba (it's liquor made from the juice of a coconut) is being harvested. I love the cinematography here. I like watching Filipino movies that features the beautiful places of our country. I was kept guessing where the movie was shot though. Probably in the Laguna/Batangas/Quezon area. That's where tuba is usually harvested and cultivated. And the town plaza was the typical provicial town plaza--with a big church in the middle with the town square in front of it.
The story is also a bit interesting--although it could use a bit of tweaking--but interesting nevertheless. There were still cliches, but enough non-stereotypical characters and funny dialogue that kept me entertained. Lynette (Sharon's character) lives with her widowed mother (Rosemarie Gil), old-maid sister (Amy Austria), and a couple of widowed aunts (Baby O'Brien and Marissa Delgado). Their family runs a buko pie business in the province. Marissa Delgado's character married into the family of Robin Padilla (Manuel) but the guy (Manuel's uncle) died in their wedding night. Apparently, Sharon's family has a curse that the men die early into the marriage.
Fortunately, the story did not focus on this so-called curse that caused the feud between the two families. Moreover, Manuel was Lynette's crush since grade school and when she mistakenly mistook a question posed by Manuel as a wedding proposal, she hurried off home and announced that she's getting married to Manuel. Talking with her family, there was a line that really had me in stitches when Sharon was arguing with Amy (honestly though, I feel that Sharon is OLDER than Amy but the wonder of make-up really made Amy look older than Sharon. Haha). Sharon said, "Ate, sabi nga ni Ninang, malaking karangalan na i-rape tayo sa edad nating ito." (Sister, it's a big compliment that we can still be raped at our ages) It may seem so politically incorrect, but it was really funny. Their ages were not revealed but I would assume that they're in their late 30's or early 40's.
Robin also delivered a funny line that I swore I'd memorize and write down. In the movie, it was rumoured that he was gay. When he was strolling one evening in the town plaza and he saw the town bullies beating up the town gays, he approached them and tried to stop it, but one of the bullies hit him in the process. He said, "Alam niyo, tingin ko sa inyo mga bakla kayo dahil binubugbog niyo eh mga bakla. Pero dahil sinuntok ninyo ako, tingin ko na sa inyo, lalaki na kaya puwede ko nang gawin ito", (I thought you were gays when I saw you hitting gay people. But now that you hit me, I see you as men so I can do this) and he hit the guy in the face.
Anyway, going back to the story, Lynette later found out about the mistaken proposal and overnight, she made a transformation. She put order into their buko pie business, changed her "old maid" outfits to more sexy ones and decided that she'll move to Manila to stay with her cousin (Bing Loyzaga). So she left Manuel and put up a business in Manila. Manuel followed her but threw a jealous tantrum when he saw her going out with her business partner. This lead him to go back to their province where he nursed his broekn heart.
Lynette, in the meantime, was called home due to a family emergency. While there, she mended her relationship with her sister, who was very bitter over her leaving, and her relationship as well with Manuel. They did end up together.
One thing that I did not like about this movie was the abundance of talented actors and actresses who had no use at all. Baby O'Brien had less than 5 lines in the movie. In terms of casting, the story would've held if it was just Marissa Delgado as the aunt. Her character had more flesh and she was absolutely entertaining. While Baby O'Brien rarely said anything which contributed to the story. And Ruffa Mae Quinto. She's there as a kababata of Robin and Sharon. She was just a decoration in the movie. I really love Ruffa Mae (I remember my friends who dragged me to watch "Booba" with them and even if I was the one vehemently opposed to watching it, I was the one who laughed the loudest in the theater. Thus, I did not put up much of a fight when they dragged me to watch "Super B" with them) and her comedic acting style. Though it won't win her any awards, she just makes me laugh.
The family of Robin's character almost had no use at all. I wish they did not had to sing "Pagdating ng Panahon" harana style as it was really embarassing, and his mother just disappeared in the end. What happened to her? Why was not she present during the pamamanhikan? And Bing Loyzaga. She's a talented actress but again, she barely said 5 lines in the movie. Her character just has a nice house and a couple of really loony maids.
I liked Marissa Delgado's character most of all. She's really kooky and funny. When she converses or tells story, she does so through multiple choice questions. During the burial of her husband and while she was sobbing over his coffin, she said, "Bakit mo ako iniwan? Dahil ba a. hindi mo na ako mahal? b. panahon mo na? or c. talagang may sumpa kami?" the last one being added by the family of her dead husband. ("Why did you leave me? Is it because a. you really don't love me? b. it's your time? or c. we're really cursed?") Though it may not be too believable, it was a very convenient tool to build and flesh her character.
Oh, and what's with the advertisements??!! It was so obvious that the movie was also sponsored by Alaska and Dove. The milk being used in the buko pie factory was blatantly Alaska (and the aprons featured the Alaska logo as well). Dove soap was also on the vanity table of Sharon. Three bars of them, I think. And the town fair was sponsored by Dove! Wow. I didn't know Dove's campaign brought them to even the most remote provinces.
Nevertheless, I still liked it. The editing was really good and believable. I remember watching a Filipino movie wherein I was just amazed how unbelievable the whole thing was. Imagine, the bida and his lady is running away from the bad guys on top of a mountain and the next scene shows the bida running with the heroine along a beach with the bad guys hot on their heels! Naman, it's really an insult to our intelligence. And for the life of me, I don't know why a beach scene (complete with a production number) is mandatory.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
When I saw my friends sometime last week, we were at a bookstore and my friend, Kay, pointed out to me a small Chinese horoscope book which she says was very accurate. I picked up the book and turned to the month showing October 2006 and true enough, it said, "This is the darkest month of your year", (actually, I could not remember whether it was "year" or "life") and it was eerily accurate. It mentioned something about health and family being threatened. October was really a horrible month for me (year of the Rabbit). And Kay, also a co-rabbit, also had a taxing month. She got sick for 3 weeks and the security of her family was threatened, and I experienced almost the same thing. October was when my sister got into an accident, my brother left his house, and I got stressed out of work and had a nervous breakdown.
Regardless of the accuracy, I don't think it's enough for me to buy next year's edition. Not only is it against my beliefs, but I don't want my decisions to be influenced by something that was written down by someone. I do not underestimate the power of suggestion.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Last Wednesday, I went to Divisoria to go shopping for my godson's birthday on Friday, after that, my Tita Rosa accompanied me to an opthalmologist over at Sta. Mesa, after that, she dropped me off at Waltermart so I could meet with a possible OTD coordinator and after that, I met with my high school friends where we had an early dinner at Amici, and THEN, Leo picked me up where I accompanied him to have dinner. It was really quite a long day but it was fun!
Thursday, I stayed at home and watched CSI episodes the whole day. Tita Rosa picked me up late afternoon so we could go to Southmall Toy Kingdom and buy Kiko's birthday presents. It was really quite fun. While I was there, I went Christmas shopping as well.
Friday, I went to the gym and then went back to Dita to attend the birthday party of Kiko at his nursery school. It was quite fun even if there were not much activities but I did get to see my nursery school teacher again. She still looks the same after all these years. If Leo agrees, I want my children to study in that nursery school as well--even if it's quite far from our home. Heh. I had good memories of that school and I want my children to have the same.
For my last week, I have quite a line-up of activities which I'll be doing with my high school friends. We're planning to go out of town--just a day trip. Can't wait for that.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
I had my teeth cleaned yesterday. At least I'm sort of productive. It's also my godson's birthday on Friday so I bought him invitations which he'll give his classmates. I was supposed to have lunch with some friends and have dinner with another set of friends but they had to cancel. I guess I could just go home and get that foot spa/pedicure that I've almost postponed.
Last night, I accompanied my aunt while she took her sons to Cavite (they stay there during the week as they attend school there). I didn't realize it was quite far--compounded with the traffic--it took us an hour and a half to get there and an hour to get back. Too bad it was dark already. We passed by the house of Emilio Aguinaldo and I wanted to take a picture of it. Maybe next time.
As for what I'll be doing for the rest of my block leave. I still don't know. I'll probably do my next update after it's over or if something eventful happens--whichever comes first.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
After finishing the book for the first time, I really sat and prayed. I knew then something was missing from my life. I thought I had it all, I mean, I'm getting married to a man I love next year, my career is going somewhere, my family loves me, what else do I need? Unfortunately, I HAVE forgotten something, or rather, Someone. My current trials are God's way of poking me and reminding me of His presence and how much I owe Him for all the blessings I have received. It's such a humbling experience.
I intend to spend the next couple of weeks (am on block leave!) getting my life back together. Things have sort of collapsed last month and it already affected my emotional, mental, physical and psychological well-being. Please pray for me.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Am so looking forward to my leave in a couple of weeks (starting Nov. 13). I really need some R&R. It's so long overdue.
*sigh* I think I need a new job.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
When I got to work, I was crying every other minute. When I could not bear it any longer, I asked him if we could talk and we went down to Starbucks and went to a corner where we talked.
We spent around half an hour wherein we dialogued about expectations and my future with the department. Am so glad I managed to get all those things off my chest. It was affecting me in a negative way already. My sanity and my health was at stake already.
On another bright note, two people who are dear to me managed to resolve their decade old "misunderstanding". Am so looking forward to seeing them both on my wedding day together.
Am on block leave starting mid-November. As I needed a break from work, it was one of the things that I asked from my boss which he readily granted. I contacted my high school friends and we're thinking of going off to my bestfriend's province in Laguna for some R&R. Come to think of it, it's our first out of town ever! I'm so looking forward to that.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Today is supposed to be a vacation. No, I'm not at work but I woke up at freaking 4:30 in the morning with thoughts of work in my head. Leo picked me up at 9 am and we had breakfast at Pancake House where I had their bangus breakfast. Afterwhich, we went to South Supermarket where I picked up a few groceries. On our way back to the car, I felt queasy and was finding it difficult to breathe. Morever, the sun was really hurting my eyes. Gosh, I must be turning into a vampire!
I don't know how long I'll last like this. Leo's getting worried for me already and so am I. I cry when I go home from work and I dread going to work the next day. Am in the verge of burnout and I badly need a vacation. Am going to talk to my boss when I get back tomorrow and negotiate for my vacation time. My block leave is initially scheduled on the end of December but I don't think I can wait that long. My sanity and my health is on the line already.
Just last week when I experienced these chest pains, I still had to go to work because my boss was worried--not about me but the work that I might leave behind. He said I should just speak up if I need to go to the hospital. Yeah right. All I need is to freaking rest!
Friday, October 20, 2006
For the past two days, the crowing of a rooster manages to cruelly wake me up at 430 in the morning. And to think this rooster is in a vacant lot behind our house which my room unfortunately overlooks. I don't know if this has been happening for quite some time and I only noticed it recently due to my stress, but it has been irritating the hell out of me. I peered out of my window this morning and I saw the rooster teetered beneath a tree. If I had a sumpit or slingshot, I would've taken a shot on that rooster. However, I've already complained to Mamu and hopefully she'll have a talk with our neighbor.
Monday, October 09, 2006
My birth certificate carries only my first name while my baptismal and confirmation certificates carries my two names. I read in a wedding preparation forum that one couple had their marriage application rejected by their parish because of the name discrepancy in their documents. My option now is to go to my baptismal and confirmation parish to request for a name change on my documents. It's going to be a long tedious process of going back and forth. I plan to do this during my break this year. Hopefully the churches are open to facilitate my requests. Another option suggested to me was to have my name legally changed which would lead to an annotation on my birth certificate. But am not prepared to go through that process.
Now, I have to have ALL my official documents changed to carry just my first name. It's going to be something that I have to get used to.
I fully support my fiance's notion of only giving one first name to our kids. I do not want my children to go through the same complications and legal hassles. Actually, it would not be an issue if my birth certificate was properly filled out and nobody in my family decided to add that second name on my baptismal certificate. But well, it happened and I have to live with the consequences.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Our new boss FINALLY came in last September 15 and ever since he came in, I can never seem to have a slow day at work. There's always something to do EVERYDAY. Don't get me wrong. He's REALLY good and he knows what he's doing. Am very priviledged to work with him and in the past 2 weeks that we've been working together, I've learned a lot as well. He treats me as his right hand and at the same time, he gives me SO many things to do. We meet everyday first thing in the morning and we go through all the stuff that we have to accomplish within the day. It's great to finally have some sort of direction. Although the work that we've been doing means that there are a lot of things that we need to accomplish.
Am sure everyone has been talking about the typhoon "Milenyo" last week which caused widespread devastation across Manila and several provinces with Bicol being the worst hit. Leo's area was declared state of calamity due to the number of trees that fell around their subdivision. There was even this tree that fell but instead of falling on the street, it caught on some wires and was kept upright because of these wires. We had also to endure the inconvenience of no power as electricity was only restored at BF Sunday morning!
Oh and things got more interesting! The misadventure continues!
Last Tuesday around 3 pm, I received a call from my hysterical aunt saying that my sister, Cheryll (the mother of my adorable nephew, Miguel) got into an accident. In between her sobs, she was telling me that my sister fell off the jeepney, hit her head on the cemented road and that she's in the hospital in critical condition. By then, I was also getting worked up and trying hard to stay calm. I called her back on her landline and tried to get the whole story and calming her down as well. I just asked that I be picked up as soon as possible so we could go to the hospital and find out what happened.
My dad (who was also sick) and my brother, picked me up at around 4:30 in the afternoon. We proceeded to Chinese General Hospital and looked for the husband of my sister. We found him lining up to pay for the room of my sister. When he saw us, he started crying. We then went to the Emergency Room where we saw my sister all bruised and battered but fortunately, still conscious and most importantly, still alive. She started crying as well when she saw us. After talking to my brother-in-law and his mom, we finally got the whole story together.
My sister was on her way to Metropolitan Hospital for her 1 pm nursing shift. She was riding a jeepney and seated beside the back entrance of the jeep. When the jeepney was near the La Loma Cemetery area, the guy beside her suddenly announced a robbery and asked for her cellphone. Now, my sister is a very intelligent person and she has proven this by passing not one, but TWO different board exams (dentistry and nursing), but at the instant, she just panicked and jumped out of the moving jeepney. She landed on the road, rolled and eventually bumped her head on the hard ground. She then blacked out. Fortunately, there were no cars trailing the jeepney at that time and a jeepney stopped to take her to the hospital. When she regained consciousness, she was already at the hospital. She still managed to text someone which somehow led us to the information.
The whole thing was a very traumatic experience for all of us. I had to calm down my aunt and my mom who called from the States and was also very worried and frantic. My aunt even brought her own specialist (a family friend) with her to the hospital to assure us that my sister will be fine. My sister had bruises and wounds on her arms, where we assumed took the brunt of her fall from the vehicle. The CT-Scan also revealed a fracture on the occipital area of her skull which will also fortunately heal after 6 weeks. Her temporal lobes were also bruised due to the brain bumping the back of the skull as well as the temporal lobes. There's nothing to worry about neurologically. Her brain is okay and her spine is okay. We just need to take care of her fracture and ensures that she gets her rest. Am just so thankful to God that she's okay and not seriously harmed.
Oh, but the misadventures doesn't stop there.
When I got home last night, my cousin said that my brother, and his family will be sleeping over at BF. That somehow alarmed me and when they arrived sometime midnight, it seems that they're having problems with his wife's family (they live with his wife's family). There was some sort of big blow-out and either they were asked to leave the house or they decided to leave themselves. That was not clear. My aunt offered to take them in until they figure out what to do.
Am just so glad that it's Friday tomorrow. I've already calendared the First Friday Mass here at work so that my boss will know that I will be busy. Please pray for my family. We really need it now.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
I also had a talk with one of my bosses this afternoon (yes, I have two direct lines and BOTH are expatriates. I don't know if that's good or bad). We were talking about issues and he suddenly asked me what my priorities are. While I was ticking everything down, I had the sudden urge to cry. He then noted that I have so much stuff on my plate and he took some of the stuff that he asked me to do.
On a lighter note, my aunt arrived yesterday from England. It was really nice seeing her. As a welcome gift for her, Leo gave her flowers (hay, my boyfriend is so thoughtful!). She got me two really nifty gifts. One was a bridal horseshoe (apparently, it's a custom in England) and another thing was a small mosaic cross from Rome. Now, I have to figure out where I can put the horseshoe and to find a chain or ribbon for my mosaic cross.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
School starts tomorrow for me and I just learned that we have a meeting with a regional visitor until 630 tomorrow night. Knowing my boss, it'll last until 7 or 730. I hope my professor won't be too mad that I'll be coming in late.
Friday, September 08, 2006
All entries regarding our wedding preparation will be dumped in our wedding page. Feel free to visit that. It has a lot of cool stuff in it. Have updated that to include pictures from our pamamanhikan. It's only half of it though. Leo hasn't given me the pics taken from his camera.
It's Friday 8pm and am here at work. I actually came from the gym already. But I returned to do my web-related stuff. Am also waiting for the rain to subside. I just hope next year, it won't be this rainy.
I just want to share this picture of my nephew and niece. They're both very cute! Hmmm..wonder if we'll be able to get a picture with both of them smiling :)
Thursday, September 07, 2006
While in the shuttle going to work, my mind kept wandering back to the stories. Neil Gaiman is indeed a genius. I wish he'd come back and sign my graphic novels. I'm only halfway through the 9th volume but I already knew that Death will be coming for her brother, Dream, so I cheated and skimmed through the last few pages. I promise to go home early so I have more time to finish that volume and start on the 10th.
I feel quite off today. As Leo will be off to some teambuilding this Saturday, I intend to pamper myself this weekend. I'll be going to work Saturday morning and then I'll probably spend the rest of the day at the spa.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Since we pre-registered, Leo and I got our wedding expo pack and ID's quickly. The entrance to the exhibit area are mostly cake suppliers. I finally saw one cake supplier that I was eyeing (Clay Cakes). I was very charmed by their design, especially their cake toppers, but I have to consult my mother-in-law first before we decide on getting one. Their cakes are also quite costly (15K for the one that I saw, but they can work within a budget).
Next to the cakes are the chocolate fountain suppliers. My companions were very delighted by the fountains and unashamedly gorged themselves of the free-flowing belgian chocolate dips (milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate). Kulang nalang straw!
We found my P/V and HMUA suppliers and we made our downpayment. We went to the other booths and we were drawn by the invitation suppliers. Some of the invites were really very creative. I was so envious! Although again, I have to check whether our invites will be acceptable to my MIL and if they're right for the occasion. H2B and I would need to decide on our theme (if we want one) and our motiff. For the motiff, we're already partial to sky blue (it's a morning wedding after all), but am thinking what to match it with. I was toying with the idea of having the entourage in different shades of blue or contrasting it with another color (pastel green?!). Any suggestions?
Anyway, we left the expo two hours after. Seeing all those things made me more excited in our wedding preparations and made me wonder why we set the date so far away. But well, maybe in hindsight, I'll be thankful for having a one year preparation period.
Friday, September 01, 2006
For the past few weeks, I've been stretched and stressed that getting a good night's sleep and rest has become unachievable. I keep on waking at 4 or 5 in the morning with thoughts of work tumbling into my head. I have to get some rest of I will just explode.
I was so stressed yesterday and when I got home, my stomach was aching. I didn't know if it was from the stress or whatever, plus, I was very very tired. In my experience, even if I'm tried, it will be difficult for me to sleep since work is still in my mind (case in point, my last week's massage incident). Desperate for rest, I put on the yoga vcd and followed the breathing and meditation techniques that was taught. Wonder of wonders, I almost fell asleep 10 minutes into the breathing exercises.
I quickly got up and got ready for bed praying that the movements of getting ready for bed will not chase away the lethargy that I was feeling. I put on some instrumental music, lied down on my bed and I immediately dropped off to sleep. When I opened my eyes, it was daylight!! That was the best sleep that I've had in days! Maybe one of these days, I'll get through the whole CD without falling asleep. Heheh. Maybe I'll be able to practice those medidating techniques here at work. I sorely need it.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
I just got back today from a 3 day retreat with Leo. The retreat designed specifically for engaged couples or couples seriously thinking about marriage. I have never felt so happy and so at peace with myself. Moreover, I can honestly say that my relationship with Leo is stronger and more solid than before.
The retreat ran from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. As the venue is at Commonwealth (Oblates of Mary Immaculate Retreat House in Mapayapa Village near Don Antonio Heights) and the check-in time was 530, Leo and I had to leave early to make the check-in time. Unfortunately, my boss is holding an important meeting that afternoon and he wanted me around but when I told him that am getting married and I need to attend a pre-wedding seminar, he agreed to move the meeting at an earlier time and even instructed his secretary to provide lunch for us. It was embarassing though because during the meeting he announced that I was getting married next year. I just grinned throughout the congratulations and made small talk regarding wedding preparations etc.
Leo arrived in the office to pick me up at 330. As the meeting was not yet through, he waited for me downstairs while the meeting wrapped up. I hurried downstairs and by the time we were able to leave, it was 430 already. We were unfamiliar with the traffic going north so we were a bit nervous that the traffic might be bad. Fortunately, EDSA was very cooperative that day and we reached OMI around quarter to six. I took it as a sign that we were really meant to be in that retreat.
The first session started after dinner. There were 28 couples all in all and the facilitators asked us to introduce one another and add to that, cite the attributes which attracted us to each other -- physical and "ugali". As we were sitting at the back, we were the second to the last couple to stand in front and do our speech. Leo surprised me by being a comedian during our introduction. He started first and he introduced me by my whole name. He then listed the things of what he likes about me and everyone, including me, almost fell out of our chairs from laughter (well, I was bent over). He pulled out his kodigo (he was the only one who had that) and said: He likes it that I let him sit at the aisle, he also likes it that I introduced him to cheaper shopping alternatives even if he lost his phone at Divisoria but his savings are more compared to the phone that he lost. And the physical attribute that first attractive me to him were my eyes, they were so brown but then after he got to know me, he found out that I wore contacts. It maybe not be funny here but the way he said it really made us laugh. It was even affirmed by some of our batchmates. Kenkoy raw si Leo. When it was my turn, I was giggling throughout my speech. I introduced him as someone O.C. and proceeded to tell the story of our first date wherein after dinner, Leo asked me if I wanted to watch a movie and he pulled out a listing of all movies showing in Greenbelt 3, and the other cinemas around Makati. In hindsight, it was pretty humorous but at that time, I was impressed, VERY impressed. My heart went pitter-patter.
The whole retreat is divided into four parts wherein there are talks tackling these four stages: the "I" stage, "You and I" stage, "We and God" stage and the "We, God and the community" stage.
In the "I" stage, we were taught on how to express our feelings. Feelings were identified to be positive and negative and we were made to write down these feelings in a journal depending on the question or issue involved. AFterwhich, we shared these feelings with our partner.
It was an exhausting but productive first night. I woke up 430 Friday morning and we were up until midnight Friday night. I shared the room with another girl who's very personable and we got along pretty well. I crashed and work up next day when the wake-up bell rang.
Saturday morning and afternoon session dealt more in the "You and I" stage. Hay naku Tita Norrie, Leo and I talked and talked and talked or as the facilitators say, we dialogued to death. We did not realize that there were so many issues affecting married couples and we were made to talk about them one by one. There's the issue of money, family, in-laws/relatives, sex, death and what have you. There were sharers who have been married for 30 or so years wherein they shared their love story and marriage challenges.
Disocovery Weekend has a stigma wherein most of the couples who undergo such a retreat end up separating. It was one of my concerns when we signed up for that, but basically the reason why they separate was that after the end of their discernment, they realize that they really not meant for each other. Fortunately, that was not the case for Leo and I.
By Saturday afternoon, Leo and I have a plan and timeline for our married life. We'll be taking a two week vacation for our wedding and we'll be having our honeymoon in Palawan or Hongkong. When we get back, we won't be working hard to have a baby but we'll wait for another year. Basically according to our timeline, I'll be giving birth to our first baby by year 2009 (if there won't be any problems). We'll have a gap for 3 years and we plan to have our next baby by year 2012. We only plan to have 2 children.
Not only are we able to share our plans, but we were able to share each other's feelings. All the while, I thought I knew Leo and his feelings and that we were close. But after this activity, we developed some sort of intimacy based on our sharings. I appreciate Leo better and I know I can never find another man who I would want to spend the rest of my life with.
Our letters to each other were super mushy (as encouraged by the facilitators). The facilitators also gave advice on how to fight and how to tackles issues such as jealousy. It was all very interesting and I could relate to each one of them.
Saturday night, they started the "We and God" talk. I thought they were going to get all preachy but I appreciated the way on how they handled the subject. As their program is designed for couples of different religions, they tackled the issue of God in a general way. They talked of God as a Supreme Being and how he's related in the concept of love--which most religions are based. In fact, our class was very diverse. We had two foreigner classmates with one of them speaking fluent Tagalog. There was a Hindu, Baptist, Iglesia in Kristo and others. Oh and we also have the son of a famous director/actor as her batchmate. They do not enforce the specific rituals involving the Catholic religion although they did offer the sacrament of Reconciliation (Confession) that night but they did it in a way that is again, religion-friendly. We were made to sit with our partners and we held hands. Then, we were made to think of all the hurtful things that we've done to each other and in our hearts, we forgave each other by squeezing each others' hands. After that exercise, we were made to write our wrongdoings in a piece of paper, showed it to the priest which he gave back to us and after blessing us, we burned the piece of paper.
Being a Catholic-based organization, they still preached against pre-marital sex, although in fairness, they did not mention it in their talks but they did give out notes afterwards about contraceptives, and they separated the males from the females in terms of sleeping arrangements.
Sunday morning, we learned that one couple have left the compound Saturday night. They said that they've realized that they're really not meant for each other and opted not to go through the whole thing anymore. We were very sad for them and prayed that they'll be able to separate as friends and not hurt each other too much in the process.
We capped the whole activity Sunday afternoon with a mass. I managed to fill half a notebook with my reflections and love letters to Leo and to God. We read and discussed each other's thoughts and feelings and my heart is overflowing with so much love and joy.
After the mass, the men were made to go out of the room and us ladies stood at a straight line and we were made to sing this song called "You and I". I don't know if you have heard of this song but the lyrics are indeed very poignant:
You and I will travel far together
We'll pursue our little star together
We'll be happy as we are together
We may never get to heaven
But it's heaven, at least to try.
You and I are going on together
'Til the time we have is gone forever
Watch the evening drawing on together
Growing older, growing closer
Making mem'ries that light the sky.
That only time can make
That only love can make
That only we can make
You and I.
So we sang it once and we were made to sing it again. On the second pass, I could feel the tears pricking my eyes. I don't know why I wanted to cry but maybe I was touched by the song. We heard the guys coming back into the room and they stood behind their respective partners. In the last part of the song, we were asked to turn around and face our partners and there they were holding flowers for all of us. Leo was standing there with a smile on his face while he gave me my rose. He hugged and kissed me and I started to cry. All the girls were crying and no one could finish the song. I was crying so hard and I could feel Leo's laughter as I buried my face on his chest. He could not understand why we were crying, I just told him I was just touched.
All engaged couples should really go through a retreat such as this. If my parents attended this maybe things might have turned out differently. I'll also encourage my siblings to attend the retreat for married couples as it will make their respective marriages stronger.
I can't wait for our wedding so Leo and I can start our married life together. It holds so much promise that I hope we won't end up a disappointment to one another. But we know we can survive any obstacle as we were equipped with the right tools in ensuring that our marriage will last.
I don't know how long this euphoria and feeling of lightness will pass, but I know my love for Leo will not. :)
Monday, August 07, 2006
As it was a benefit concert, there were other guests who performed before the star. One guest was a 9 or 10 year old child who was supposedly a product of a singing school. I knew it would be a different performance when she strutted out onstage wearing an outfit that should not be worn children her age. I suddenly sat up on my chair when she started screaming her first notes out. All three of her songs required her to stretch her vocal cords to the limit or as they say it in Tagalog, "birit".
Her songs and her spiels were also not appropriate for the audience. The audience was mostly of high society and even the star performer is not just any other star. I really pitied the child and wanted to strangle her guardians and her supposedly singing school for training their students to sing that way. Whatever happened to angelic voices? One does not have to sing ala-Regine Velasquez to impress the audience.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Am out of the office since today until Thursday for a seminar. Am so glad to have that break. Although when I passed by the office this evening, some bad news greeted me and am panicking a bit. As I won't be here the next two days, am leaving the issue to be settled by my capable department-mate. I can't be here in the office as my training has been paid for by our cost center and I hope to maximize it. I haven't attended any training in two years!
Oh by the way, check out this site. It's another online journal that am working on. Hehehe :)
Friday, July 21, 2006
Leo was promptly at the ground floor to pick me up at 6 pm. Once I got in his car, I started crying softly. It carried on until we got home and I still kept on crying. Heck, I was crying until I fell asleep at 11 pm!
When I woke up this morning, I felt very much better. It's true when they say that a good night's sleep really cures a lot of things and in my case, it cured my depression for sure! I was just frustrated with my job and my life. My job because of all the expectations heaped on me and doing my job without proper orientation, and my life because also of the expectations of my family and relatives. I harbored thoughts of being inefficient and incompetent that I started believing it. I know that I am where I am because people believed in me and my capabilities. I am not incompetent, just not properly trained. Thank God it's Friday!
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Monday, July 17, 2006
I bought a new pair of blouse and pants last month. I need more than a pair to supplement my shrinking wardrobe. I also need to buy a new pair of jeans. Now that jeans are part of our wardrobe, I can charge it versus my clothing allowance although at last count, I've exceeded the allowable disbursed amount. Oh well.
I have 11 months to go before my deadline. I hope I meet it.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Second is a decision that we have to make which will also affect my life next year. We hope to make that decision if not by this month, then next month. So until those things happen, I have to put off making important decisions until September.
Come to think of it, I need some relaxation techniques. As mentioned, I could not sleep properly the past week as I was thinking of work everytime I close my eyes. I have to relax else I will lose sleep! I decided to have a massage Friday night hoping it will help me sleep, but after the massage, my thoughts kept drifting back to work! Good thing I was so exhausted Saturday night that I immediately fell asleep when I collapsed on the bed. Hopefully tonight, I can get more sleep to help me survive the week.
Don't get me wrong. I love my work. I just did not realize how much thinking it entails. I was so used to doing routinary work and thinking at a micro level, that am having difficulty adjusting to my current tasks. My mind is churning ideas and figuring out possible loopholes all day long that it takes awhile before it stops for the night. I talk to different people everyday and am practically everywhere. I keep my cellphone with me all the time in case any of my bosses or colleagues needs me.
Watched Superman last week. I so want to drool over Brandon Routh. We also watched Pirates of the Carribean: Dead's Man Chest yesterday. Great movie although I made the mistake of going to the restroom in the last part of the movie (when Capt. Jake Sparrow was swallowed by the kraken and Orlando Bloom and Kiera Knightly was on their way to see the witch to find a way to bring Jack back), thus I missed the ending. When I came out of the restroom, the credits were rolling. Argh! I can't wait to see the last installment of the trilogy next year.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
I don't know why, but they'd bring whole a boxful of books and I remember going gaga over them. I remember having the sesame street books series. The topic above came from the Sesame Street tv show. It's the first thing I thought of when the rain came pouring down this morning. It's the perfect weather to settle down and take a nap or watch dvd's.
Which reminds me, I have to bookmark that Sesame Street site that I found before and now I found again. It's a nice site to remember all those lyrics of long-forgotten Sesame Street songs that have somehow stuck in the dark recesses of my brain.
As previously mentioned, it's raining right now. I have to confirm though if there's a storm. Leo and I plan to watch Superman tomorrow at Mall of Asia. I hope we can get seats. We have already reserved tickets for Pirates of the Carribean. Now that's something else that am looking forward to.
Man, I can't believe that it's already July. Half of the year has passed which means, it's less than 5 months till Christmas and 3 months till Halloween. We're all excited over that as I plan to bring my nephew and niece back to the office for the trick o' treat. It's always a big thing at work and we're excited over what costumes the two kids will wear. As Miguel is quite big now, he's going to be very adorable wearing a piglet costume, or probably a pumpkin costume. We'll just see what's available. Chloe would look angelic in an angel costume or probably a fairy costume. We'll just see.
Man, I would want my kids to grow up on Sesame Street.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
My sister left for the US last Thursday. It was nerve-wracking though. Her interview went as scheduled last June 19 and she was supposed to receive her US Visa 5 days later so she set her departure date for the 27th. However, when the 26th came, her visa was nowhere in sight. She had to cancel her flight and tentatively rebooked it for the next day. Fortunately, her visa arrived on the 28th enabling her to leave on the 29th. I went to their house in Quezon City last Tuesday to bid her farewell and also to attend the despedida of the sister of my brother-in-law who's also leaving for the US. Anyway, am glad she finally got her dream and is now happyily together with her husband. I wish them all the best.
Last Friday, I played referee between two people at work. We were called to attend a meeting with managers of two other departments present. Two departments that have always been at odds with each other. Well that Friday, they chose the time to really have words and they were shouting each other already. As the third party, I calmed everyone down. It was difficult as the other person involved used to be my boss. I tried to be as rational and calm as could as I don't want to be accused of taking sides. After that incident, I was pretty shaken up myself and if I was the type to smoke, I would've taken a drag then and there just to calm my nerves.
As for yesterday, the company had an outreach activity at SOS Alabang. At least it's near and I could come and go as I please. I was there early so I was able to help with the preparations. I had one of my officemates take me to Leo's afterwards where I waited for him to wake up. She picked me up an hour later so we could have coffee at Gloria Jean's. We talked for an hour before I returned to Leo's house.
Also watched "The Wedding Date" yesterday on DVD. Dermot Mulroney is absolutely SOOOOOOOO scrumptious and delicious. *sigh*
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your
heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build
up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so
nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other
stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...you give them a piece of
you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss
you or smile at you and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes
hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in
the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends"
or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way
into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the
mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets inside you and rips you
apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love.
From Sandman:The Kindly Ones, Neil Gaiman.
The above quote came from one of Neil Gaiman's books. I've forgotten
who forwarded it to me but when I read it, it somehow struck a chord.
I was lucky to have a good seat in the shuttle this morning. I had a
place where I can rest my head so that I can catch up on sleep on my
way to work. So I plugged in my earphones and let the music lull me to
After a few minutes, a girl in an exclusive girls' school uniform got
in and sat beside me. I blinked at her and went back to sleep. A few
minutes later, the door opened and I suddenly heard people giggling. I
opened my eyes and the two girls apparently know each other and they
started giggling and laughing. I thought it will just be a momentary
thing but they were giggling and laughing throughout the 30 minute
trip. The bad thing was, I could hear them through my earphones (and
my music was loud) and one of the girls was seating beside me and she
kept on jostling me whenever she would laugh or giggle. I wanted to
tell them to shut up and the "nice" side of me kept on telling me that
they are just girls. I then started to think when I was when I was
their age. I realized than I must've been laughing and giggling as
well if I saw an old friend. I must've been caught up with the
intricacies of life that I've forgotten what it feels to be carefree.
I suddenly felt so OLD!
Saturday, June 24, 2006
No, I don't make it a hobby of trudging or visiting all the wet markets around the Metro. I guess I just have good memories of those places. When we were kids, particularly around the elementary age, my parents would send us to the province to spent the summer. My aunt or grandmother would go to the wet market everyday to buy fresh meat, fish or vegetables to serve for lunch and dinner. I would gladly accompany her. I don't know why but I find myself fascinated whenever she would buy live catfish and have the vendor clean and chop it for her. Hmmm...that speaks volumes of my personality. Must be some Freudian thing. But, the best thing about the wet market in the province is when we would stop by the sweets store. Note that a provincial sweets/chichiria store rarely sell those imported candies. They sell the locally made ones and they're not even branded. I forgot what some of them are called but I love this small round yellow sweet thing. It's like a cookie but it's too soft. Also there's a sweet candy called "tira-tira". It's basically brown sugar molded into sticks. And the local cheese curls. I forgot the brand but they're sold in little packets and you can buy them in bulk (like 20-30 pcs in one big plastic).
My best memory of our summer is when our ice cream "suki" would pass by. We call him "lapit-suki". I innocently thought that it was his name but apparently, it's just something that he keeps saying again and again and my aunts just call him that. Anyway, he sold really creamy ice cream. It's so good that instead of buying a cone, we'd bring out our glasses and have him fill those up. And during fiestas or any celebration, my lolo would buy one whole can of ice cream (his favourite is langka. mmmmm...yummy). The can is not the ordinary 1 kl can you can buy in the supermarket. It's the long silver one. I don't know how much ice cream that holds but it can certainly feed all of us.
Actually, it's not only summer that we get to go to the province. My maternal grandparents and relatives have a big house in the province. Big enough for their brood of 13--most of them married. So every weekend, or every summer, we would get picked up and my siblings and I would join some cousins for a nice short/long vacation. As there were so many of us, we would never get bored or find nothing to do. We have relatives all around Batangas so we'd take trips to visit them, and we'd bring back food in the process. We would bring back a kaing of lanzones and eat them in front of the TV. My grandparents also owned a betamax rental then, so we'd bring home the latest movie (Night of the Living Dead--that certainly caused me some sleepless nights there. It did not help that the room that I shared with my relatives overlooked a wide expanse of lawn and I was calculating the distance of the house from the cemetery) and watch it while eating green mangoes (either with bagoong or with my favourite dip--soy sauce with sugar!). The house also has two bathtubs and we'd fill up one and soak in it with our cousins.
That big house really holds wonderful memories of my childhood. Too bad it's not the same as it was before. Everything changed when my grandfather died fifteen years ago. Though my grandmother is still alive, her health began to deterioriate after his death. She's based in the US now and she'll probably stay there for good. She doesn't have the strength or stamina to endure the long travel back home.
I remember my relatives and I would be sitting at the marble front steps in the late afternoon or early evening with my grandparents. We'd play games or hold contests there to amuse ourselves (cable was non-existent back then). The front lawn was so wide that we can play tag or any outdoor game imaginable with lots of room to spare. I'd lose out on "monkey-monkey" (I was not a very good runner), but I loved the "luksong tinik" or "piko".
It was in the province that I learned to do household chores. My grandfather did not tolerate slackers and he ran a tight ship. He would have us cleaning the house, the garden and there was even a time, had us help with the slaughtering of the chickens (they had a poultry farm at the back of the house, beside a small piggery). He did not exactly had us do the killing, but we had the distasteful task of dipping the chickens in boiling water and pulling out the feathers. Aaaaaaahhhh!!! I must have a strong stomach because am still eating chicken up to now.
As we did not have any nannies back then, we had to do our own laundry and make our own beds. My siblings and I would wash our clothes by hand at the back of the house. I did not worst job of all compared to my sisters. They would patiently scrub or make "kusot" their clothes while I, taking the easy way out, would stomp on them, mimicking the washerwomen at the small river nearby with their "pamalo".
Those were the days indeed. I wish my future children would have the same experiences that I had. It has certainly helped me in more ways than one.
Nothing noteworthy happened much this week. My sister passed her interview and she's leaving on Tuesday. We're having a despedida for her tonight. My whole family is staying at BF tonight until tomorrow. There are plans going to Tagaytay tomorrow although I don't know if that would push through. We don't know where were going to go there. Unless we end up again having a picnic at People's Park.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
It was also nice seeing my dad. I gave him his favourite pastry sweet and he was likewise happy to see me. My brother also arrived with his family and my niece has grown. She's walking now and she has gained weight.
Leo and I left after lunch to catch "The Lakehouse" at Greenbelt 3. The film's ok, though there are some parts where it's dragging, but still ok.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Moreover, I'll be doing audit and spot checks. Am going to visit the branches (hmmm...wonder if they'll send me to Cebu) and agencies. It will not doubt, be very interesting. Some say that it's a very stressful and dirty job but as of now, I'm enjoying it.
Here is another picture. I asked my twin sister to have these photos printed out and to give me a copy. I'll no doubt, be showing the pics to anyone who has the misfortune of being in my area of influence :) When the pictures were sent to my office email, I showed all my departmates and even my former departmates. One even wanted to make it her wallpaper as one can forget his/her worries just by looking at the pictures.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
After my gym session early this evening, I bought a medium sized fresh mango shake at the stand outside the gym. I saw an MBA friend and we talked for a few minutes, then I went back to the office to fix my stuff and then I went to the shuttle station. When I was going to pay my fare, I could not remember, for the life of me, whether I paid for my mango shake. I surmised that I must've paid for it, otherwise, the vendor would've called my attention. But I really could not remember how much I paid and what bills I used. Heck, just last week when I boarded the shuttle going to work, I could not remember whether the dispatcher gave me my change. And that was when I sat down on my seat on the shuttle! Less than a minute AFTER he handed me my change. I had to check my wallet whether there's a 5 peso coin there!
I don't know what is causing these memory lapses. I read somewhere that lack of sleep can contribute to short term memory loss, but I know am getting enough sleep! Recalling names and events are becoming more difficult now and I have to think twice before I say something. What should I do?!
I immediately went to sleep when Leo took me home Saturday night. When I woke up Sunday, I checked and saw that I slept for more than 7 hours. It's been a long time since I slept that long. Leo picked me up at around lunch time and we proceeded to Greenbelt 3 where we watched Cars (which incidentally, is very good!). After the more than 2 hour movie, we walked around Greenbelt, had dinner at Masas and returned to BF at around 7 pm. We again watched TV until he went home at 10 pm. Again, I promptly fell asleep when he left.
I woke up at 7 am the next day, Monday, with my vivid dream still fresh in my mind. I had a hard time shaking of the sleep and I went over my dream. I dreamed that I went to Puerto Galera with my family together with Leo. Funny thing is, the place did not look like Puerto Galera. The coastline looked like a European coastline (think England or Scotland), and it was cold too! But in my dream, it said that the place was Puerto Galera. Anyway, we had a grand time etc. etc. until it was time to go home and then I woke up. After a few minutes, I fell asleep again and the dream continued, this time, going from good to bad. In my dream, I could not find my bags and Leo was missing as well. I went around Puerto Galera in a jeepney looking for him (and he's not answering his cellphone). I got a call from my mom that they're boarding the boat. So I went to the pier where I saw the boat leaving. Next thing I knew, I was on the boat myself with Leo and my bags not in sight. I woke up again with a headache and somewhat scared that I indeed lost Leo.
Leo picked me up at around 10 am where we again went to his house to have lunch and watch more DVD's. I fell asleep around 2 pm and woke up an hour later with a nagging headache. I guess I slept too much. I don't like sleeping that long.
Now, it's back to work for us. And I found out that am invited to attend a dinner at the CEO's residence next week. Gosh, I have to practice my social skills now (groan).
Friday, June 09, 2006
Nothing much I can talk about except work. The meetings that I've been attending lately are quite interesting and FINALLY, IT managed to transfer my files to my new pc. I can access my archive, address book and files now. However, I forgot to request for printer access. Guess that's another request that I have to make. Oh, I learned a couple of days ago that my boss is RESIGNING. Yes, after he interviewed me for my current post, he resigned and with me barely a week in the job. It's a long complicated story and I felt so lost. I thought I got a good deal when I transferred to my new department and I hope I do not regret it.
Just learned yesterday that my sister will be leaving on the 24th. Ambilis! Her interview will be on the 19th and she's leaving 5 days after. She'll be going out of town with my aunt this weekend to go on a dive with her friends and next week, it'll be a family despedida for her--again, out of town. Gosh, I will SORELY miss her. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'll miss her!
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
It's been quite an uneventful day.
Nothing eventful. Again, no meetings scheduled. However, I spent the whole day in front of an internet workstation. My boss asked me to do some things and I needed internet access to do those things. Forgot how tiring it can be to sit in front of the computer the whole day. I don't know whether I'd prefer the long meetings or sitting at my workstation. One thing's for sure, both activities requires long bouts of sitting.
Leo visited me last night before he went to work. We had dinner at Shakey's and returned home to watch TV. Still feeling down, it was no surprise that I burst into tears while he was hugging me. He was alarmed that I was crying and he wanted to know why. Funny thing was, I could not explain it. I can't totally say that I'm not happy with my work. It's just that I'm still adjusting and as I said in a previous post, I've been missing a lot. Maybe that's why I felt so sad. It's the fourth day in a row that I ate lunch by myself because my schedule with my friends would not jive. Moreover, I learned that my boss just submitted his resignation. I don't know whether I should panic or ignore it. I guess I just have to wait and see what will happen.