Relax!

Things must be bad when I can't even relax after a massage.

 

We had a meeting that lasted up to 6pm last night and I had to finish things for the review on Monday. Unfortunately, I think I scheduled my massage to early that the masseuse was at my house before 9 pm and I haven't taken a bath yet.

 

Anyway, when the massage started, my thoughts kept drifting back to work--of the numerous things that I have to finish; of the stubborn people that I have to talk to; of having no boss to guide you through the rough politics of the corporate world. When I joined my current department, I felt excited to learn something new. Unfortunately, my boss resigned with me barely two months in the job. Thus, there's no one to teach me what to do and this is not the best way for me to learn. According to the results of my learning styles exam, the best way for me to learn is for me to observe how it is being done and then I do my thing. That's my problem now. I have no one to observe and my only guide is a group manual that is not even localized! I'm totally floundering here. I feel like a fish out of water and the stress is big time! No wonder I can't relax!

 

People say that it's my time to shine and to do something new, but it's not my style. Knowing that people expect big things for me does not help. My appraisal this year will definitely be not as good as last year's.

 

Another dilemma is that my old bosses are coming back to me and are asking me to take on the management of my old team PLUS another team. Somehow, it adds to the stress. I am tempted to take it, but I am needed here more--though how small my contribution and efforts are, I know I am much needed.

 

My current team SHOULD have 8 members, currently, we are only 3. Yes, 3 people doing the work of 8 people. We have raised this so many times and we're hoarse from saying it over and over again. We know that something is being done but it's something that cannot be easily accomplished, especially filling in the position of our boss. It's so specialized that it cannot be sourced locally. No other companies has this kind of position/department and we had to go to the group to help us find an eligible candidate. So far, the position has been vacant for more than a month already and there are too many balls up in the air already. Soon, one of them will come crashing down, and no one will be able to catch it.
 

In the three months that I've been here, I've cried more than I've ever cried when I was in my old department. I need another stress outlet. I cannot just cry whenever I'm stressed.