During our Discovery Weekend, Leo and I planned to have two kids with a three year age gap. So far we already have one kid and he's turning three this coming January. In order to meet our self-imposed deadline, my husband and I have been trying to conceive since June.
It's not easy for me to get pregnant. I have a condition called PCOS which I posted about here. Any pregnancy attempt would require a cycle of duphaston/provera, clomifene, follicle monitoring and keeping a close watch on the calendar.
We have been on this cycle for two months already and each attempt has failed. When I got my period last Friday, I just cried. I felt so exhausted and wondered whether our son would be an only child. I decided not to go back for a third session and to just rest this month.
The past two disappointing months that we've had made me question God's plan for me. We already have one child and there are other couples who are struggling to even have one. Maybe this is God's way of telling me to be content with what I have. Also, maybe He has other things planned for me--something better.
Whatever it is, I just have to wait for it to unfold in His time. In the meantime, I will just enjoy the holidays and be thankful with what I have.
A friend who recently lost her 19-day old son sent me a bible reading which she said helped her through her loss. I was so touched when she sent it to me as for someone who has suffered more than I did, she still managed to reach out and provide me comfort:
From Jeremiah 28:11-14
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.[a] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
I was crazy over David Cook when he won American Idol three years ago, and I'm still as crazy over him until now. His recently released sophomore album refueled my fervor for him.
One reason why I love him so much is that you could feel his passion through every lyric that he sings. When he sang the above song live, I was melting (and to think that was in youtube. What more if I'm really there?). When he was still competing in Idol, I would scream whenever he would look in the camera with his really dreamy eyes.
David is also one of the rare singers who still sounds good when he sings live (others uses auto-tune so there's a big discrepancy when you listen to the album and hear them sing live). When he covered Adele's Rolling in the Deep, I wish I was there in the crowd to scream and clap for him. What you hear is what you get.
That's why I'm still sore that I missed his show when I was in NYC last June. I would've given anything just to see him live and would have paid the extra money for VIP passes. Hugging him would be a big check off my bucket list.
Until I can get that chance, I would continue to watch youtube videos of his concerts and pray and wish that I would get the chance to see him sing live again. I fervently hope so.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
We've been teaching Basti to pray and I managed to record one of his nightly prayers.
Let me translate his prayer:
(Sign of the Cross)
Papa Jesus, thank you for our food, my blessings..
(and starts to name his classmates)
Bless Valerie, Carlson, Rhian, Megan, Zachariah, Inigo, Gabrielle, Sebastian
As I pray
(trying to pray Angel of God but end up being garbled)
Sunday, November 13, 2011
I was not suffering from a pinched nerve after all. According to the Rehab Doctor, I was suffering form Bicipital Tendinitis which in layman terms means inflammation of my bicep tendon. According to my therapist, if it was a pinched nerve, the pain would've been more immense than what I was suffering.
After my acupuncture session last night, I started my physical therapy today. I was given a hot compress, then heat ultrasound and afterwards, some exercises. The exercises were quite painful. We were able to do 10 rotations of my arm and 5 of side rotation--which is more painful.
What caused it? Well, I was very remiss in stretching before my work-out last Monday. I stopped going to the gym for a couple of months and last Monday was my second day back. I foolishly increased the weights on the machines where I did my shoulder press and other arm exercises thinking I can lift them. Unfortunately, I did not stretch properly before my work-out.
Well, now I know and it's a lesson well-learned. I promise to stretch before my work-outs from now on.
Thanks to mdguidelines.com for the picture.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
I'm not a fan of needles. That's why I when I gave birth, I refused the anesthesia until I was 19 hours into labor and with only 6cm in dilation to show. However, as mentioned in my previous post, I was suffering from a bad case of pinched nerves and I haven't had a decent night sleep in 3 days.
I went to Tokyo Healthlink this afternoon to schedule an appointment with a Rehab doctor. I came in at 330PM and was fortunately first in line. I went home afterwards as the doctor won't be in until 530PM. I just returned at 5PM.
When the doctor came and checked my arm, I almost cried when he began twisting and bending my left arm. He asked me if I'm open to acupuncture. I just paused for a bit as I haven't tried it before but I'd try anything to alleviate the pain. Not giving me the chance to change my mind, I was brought into the treatment room.
I was made to lie down on a cot and next thing I knew, needles were being inserted on my forehead, arms, legs and feet. It was not painful at all. In fact, the bite of an ant is more painful. I could immediately feel myself relaxing and that somehow was part of the healing process.
The needles were left in my skin for 20 minutes and after taking them off, the doctor tried stretching my arm. It still hurt but at least the degree of pain is smaller than before.
I'm due to return tomorrow for therapy (hot compress, ultrasound etc. Same as what they did to treat my de Quervain's Tenosynovitis almost three years ago.) Best of all, the consultation and therapy was covered by my HMO (go Maxicare!).
Hopefully, I can sleep peacefully tonight without waking up to the pain.
On Wednesday night, I noticed that my left arm was feeling sore. I didn't pay attention to it as I just went to the gym the previous day. But when I couldn't move my arm anymore the next day, I knew there was something wrong.
I self-diagnosed with the help of webmd.com and found out that I have a pinched nerve. As I knew therapy was needed, I called our local manghihilot to deal with my shoulder.
When she arrived and started working on my shoulder. She confirmed that it was indeed a pinched nerve and massaged the nerves out.
My arm is still sore up to now but getting better. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in three nights and I'm getting grumpy. I couldn't get dressed without any assistance from my husband. What frustrates me is that I can't take any painkillers as we're in the middle of TTC. I just have to do with Paracetamol and it somehow takes the edge off but still painful.
I think what made it really painful yesterday was the aircon in the office. Temperature is relatively Siberian (although it's only 22C but that feels like 10C to me) and somehow amplified the pain.
Hopefully today, my arm will feel better. I miss cradling my son and playing with him.
(Thanks to healthcentral.com for the picture)