During our Discovery Weekend, Leo and I planned to have two kids with a three year age gap. So far we already have one kid and he's turning three this coming January. In order to meet our self-imposed deadline, my husband and I have been trying to conceive since June.
It's not easy for me to get pregnant. I have a condition called PCOS which I posted about here. Any pregnancy attempt would require a cycle of duphaston/provera, clomifene, follicle monitoring and keeping a close watch on the calendar.
We have been on this cycle for two months already and each attempt has failed. When I got my period last Friday, I just cried. I felt so exhausted and wondered whether our son would be an only child. I decided not to go back for a third session and to just rest this month.
The past two disappointing months that we've had made me question God's plan for me. We already have one child and there are other couples who are struggling to even have one. Maybe this is God's way of telling me to be content with what I have. Also, maybe He has other things planned for me--something better.
Whatever it is, I just have to wait for it to unfold in His time. In the meantime, I will just enjoy the holidays and be thankful with what I have.
A friend who recently lost her 19-day old son sent me a bible reading which she said helped her through her loss. I was so touched when she sent it to me as for someone who has suffered more than I did, she still managed to reach out and provide me comfort:
From Jeremiah 28:11-14
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.[a] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”