I'm having problems with my statistics final paper. With less than three weeks to go until the deadline, I still haven't started on anything. I can't seem to decide on which area of our department I will do the study on. Our department is a bottomless pot of information which is rich for testing. I have talked with my bosses and they're quite excited of the fact that someone will be doing the testing for them. Thing is, we also can't agree on what I would test.
I also stayed up late last night talking to an old (and i mean that in every sense of the word) friend. He basically ranted about the state of the Philippine economy and how it will get worse. He also mentioned that most of the people that he knows are migrating to other countries and asked if I have plans of doing so to. I just shrugged and told him that I'm apathetic. That drew amusement from him. He might have been probably offended too considering that he's from UP.
He also observed that there's something different with me lately. That I seemed to have lost "life". That caught me aback because I realised that it was true. I was half asleep when he said this so I could barely form a coherent reply. Rather than blurt out disjointed phrases and sentences which might put me on the spot, I opted to keep quiet. It also made me think of the reason.
Why have I lost my "life"? Has work and studies literally eaten me alive? Or am I just using that as an excuse to cover up the real issue? This could also be connected to the apathetic issue. It's scaring me that I'm feeling that old feeling again which I last felt when I was in college. I'm feeling nothing.
Yes, it's possible to feel nothing. That is what's scary about the whole thing. I don't dare dwell on the ramifications because I have a feeling that whatever would spring up would further suck me down in the muck of misery. That I do not need right now.
I guess it's back to studying again. At least I can control that little corner of my world.
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