Nagparamdam

It's been seven months since you've been gone. 

There are days that I really miss you. I miss bouncing ideas off someone and having someone find solutions for me. I miss having someone who knows what I want even before I want it. You were always like that. You were the best co-worker/team leader I've ever had and you definitely made my work as your department head, so easy. 

Just last week, I was so angry at a bank as they managed to fudge up my request which resulted to me being charged with unnecessary fees. I asked to speak with a supervisor who promised me a resolution. Within the day, somebody called me to find more about my issue and promised that he'll help me. When I asked for his name, I was taken aback when it was the same as yours. I literally paused and almost cried. I remember how you were always like that. You knew how to assuage my anger before it got out of hand. I thanked the person over the phone and told him that he shared the same name as one of my good friends.  

Now that I started a new job, I'm missing you more than ever. There were times that I felt so lost in what I do and doubted myself and my capabilities. I recall when I started my last role in our company, I confided to you my insecurities but you cheered me on saying I can do it and that I'll succeed. And what do you know, I did. What saddens me was that you were not around to see me kick ass. 

I finally had lunch with your lovely wife yesterday. While walking to the restaurant, I was figuring out how I should greet her but the apprehension disappeared when I saw her. We were both all smiles and shared stories, anecdotes and whatever else under the sun about our respective lives and of course, about you. I almost lost it when she showed me her remembrance of you but I kept it together. What made me lose it though, was when we hugged goodbye afterwards. I wanted to cry in the middle of High Street but we did promise that there would be no tears. 

Up to now, I still want to cry everytime I'd remember that hug. I don't know if it was her consoling me or me consoling her but we both know that it will take time for all of us to get over losing you. And from the looks of it--her most especially.

I promise one day, I'll visit your resting place. In my mind, you are still alive and kicking and that I'll get to talk to you again when we return to work. I guess when I do visit you, it'll be me accepting that you're really gone. 

In the meantime, I'd like to let you know that I'm getting used to my new job--acclimating myself to the culture and the people and looking for a person who can be my "Ernie".