When is "Enough"?

During one of my sessions, my therapist asked me, "When is enough, enough?"

That question caught me off guard.

I mentioned that I don't want to quit especially when the going gets tough. I don't want to quit especially when I know I'm needed the most. I don't want to quit because I don't want to be known as a quitter.

She left it alone as long as I find ways to destress.

I thought the matter was resolved but it was brought up again by another person. 

Maybe I should seriously start finding the answer to that question.

Office Politics

My work is already brutal but what makes it worse is the people around me. 

An incident of monumental proportions happened at the office which was perpetuated by some people. I can't go into details but let's just say that I'm being brought into it when I had  no idea what they were doing. I was being implicated by an e-mail wherein the objective was not meant to support their nefarious activities and even if you read it, it had no indication of that. 

Even if the higher ups asked for an incident report, they already know who was responsible. I can't help but be amused when the people responsible were preparing the incident report was they kept on implicating me when in reality, they bypassed me for several months.  

I already had an idea what they were doing as they were mumbling and whispering in their cubicle over the incident report. I'm just blessed that the person who needs to submit that report refuses to believe the crap they wrote down and even messaged me about it. I'm blessed that I have other people around me who still have the right morals and even praised me for being so nice. 

I guess that would be my detriment. I'm still "nice" to the people who are backstabbing me. My thought is that I still have to do my work even if I hate them. I have to approach them and talk to them but nothing much I can do if they still choose to make me look like the bad guy. 

My other colleagues who are familiar with my responsibilities and what we do sympathize with me, especially my team. We shed blood and tears and render sleepless nights in order to deliver the things that they need yet vilify us and won't take responsibility for their actions.

That's another thing that pisses me off. 

I love my job and what I do. For the first time in my career, I might resign because I can't take the people that I work with. I'm only staying because I still believe in my boss and his leadership and that he needs me more than ever. But I know at some point, I have to take care of my mental health and I will definitely cross the bridge when I get there. 

Color

After a year, I had my hair dyed again. 

The state of my hair usually did not bother me. However, seeing all those white hair adorning my head is reminding me of the incidents why I got them in the first place.

I noticed that when I get stressed out, aka, worried, they all come out in full force. It reached the point that even my eyebrows are sprouting white hair. 

That's why my first main agenda when I went on block leave was to have my locks colored. It was liberating, of some sort--like a clean slate.  Also had a cut as well, to stave off those unruly curls. 

Next on the agenda, is to visit my dad. 

Block Leave

I've been taking block leaves (vacation leave for at least 5 days--10 days for other companies) ever since I started working for banks but this is the first time in ages that I get to post about it.

I remember that in my early days of working, I would look forward to these days as it would be time for me to destress and do some self-care stuff. But for the past several years, it just meant that I can work from home (even when I was in the US, I was still working!).

For this year's block leave, I ensured to schedule an out-of-the-country trip with my eldest so we can bond. It will also force me to "disconnect" from work which I really need to do badly to regain my peace of mind. 

Work has consumed me a lot ever since I joined my current employment--not that I'm complaining. I had to prioritize things, that's why blogging, which I used to prolifically do in the past, took a back seat.  

Whenever I'm on break, I'd do things such as:

1. Spend time with kids.

2. Self care: 

    a. Watch KDramas or whatever series that I'm hooked on (come think of it, I also haven't updated my Kdrama blog in a long time)

    b. Go to the salon or have a massage

    c. Go window shopping

2. Clean

3. Bake or make kimchi

Half-Year

Half of 2024 is almost over yet I haven't written anything here yet. 

This 2024 is very challenging for my family. From the back-to-back hospitalization of my father to issues at work. I can't seem to catch a break.

Probably the highlight of this year is career-wise, my horoscope seemed to have come true. Not that I'm happy about it but it was a reward of some sort. A reward which I'm not sure I like but it is what it is.

I'm looking forward to the mother-son trip with my eldest. It'll just be us two and I'm looking forward to getting to know my son more.