Grief

How does one deal with grief? 

I had a difficult time last Thursday when we learned of the news. I found myself breaking down later that evening. I couldn't sleep and not even my Kdramas could soothe me. 

We held an online wake for you last Friday evening. It was a chance for us, his colleagues, to come together and share stories about him. Most couldn't speak as they were so overcome with emotion. Besides, it was the best that we can do considering the COVID situation. It sucks though as nothing would beat a physical hug for comfort.

I wanted to hug so many people that day--his family, his team members, his supervisors. Heck, I wish I could even hug myself (though my husband did that for me). Numerous people have already expressed their frustration with this epidemic and I add my voice to that count--not because of the curtailed freedom to go anywhere I want, but more of the freedom to express our sympathies the way we want them to.

It still hurts up to now and I can only imagine the pain of his family. 

One thing's for sure, even when we finally return to work, it will never be the same. 

Goodbye, Ernie

I hate it that this is our last photo together taken last December. I hate it that we never had a proper celebration or even a proper goodbye. An hour after we heard the news, I can't still process the thought that you're gone. 

I can still remember the time we first met. I recently joined the bank and I was looking for a new team leader for my department. Your resume landed in my inbox and though you had no experience with the product, I still hired you because I trusted my instincts. Plus, your answers to my Ms. Universe questions were beyond par. 

Over the years, you impressed me with your wit and how you managed to get things done the way I wanted them to be done. You've become my confidante--one who I've bounced ideas off and one who will never hesitate to speak his mind.  

And don't get me started on your generosity and the stories. We never seem to run out of them. 

It still amuses me that I started the trend of having people call you by your first name in the office when nobody outside of work knows you by that name. 

My heart goes out to your wife who I know you love so dearly. 

I have so many stories and so many encounters. But one thing's for sure. I will really really miss you, my friend. God bless. Until we meet again.