My 2015

I initially did not expect much for 2015 as even if it was the year I turned 40, I just wanted to quietly celebrate it and get it over with. Didn't know that life had other plans for me. It was literally a roller coaster but I'm glad I survived to tell my tale of 40.

HEALTH SCARES

1. My Father-in-Law

It started mid-June when my in-laws returned from their US vacation. My Father-in-law (FIL) was not feeling well so my mother-in-law scheduled him for a check-up. He was scheduled for an angiogram and they found out that he needed a bypass ASAP. No wonder he was feeling poorly and it was a miracle that he did not have a heart attack while they were in the US. So on July 1 at 7 in the morning, we waited outside the Operating Room while my FIL had his open heart surgery.

The doctor came out around 6 hours later and informed us that the surgery was a success. There was no touch and go moment and my FIL responded well to the procedure. Breathing a collective sigh of relief, we all then decided to do our own things while we waited for my FIL to wake up. My Mother-in-Law (MIL) went home with my husband while my Sister-in-Law (SIL) and I decided to watch a movie.

In the middle of the movie, our phones started ringing. We were being asked to return to the hospital immediately as my FIL was rushed back to the Operating Room due to excessive bleeding. When we were eventually picked up by my brother-in-law, it was very quiet in the car and nobody was speaking. Getting to the hospital, we immediately jumped out of the car and ran up the second floor where my MIL was waiting. She started crying when she saw us and I ran back downstairs to buy water for her. It was a tense two hours while we waited for the doctor's verdict. When the surgeon eventually came out, he informed us that they were able to trace the source of the bleeding and address it. Our second collective sigh of relief was more pronounced and accompanied with tears.

2. My Sister-in-Law

Around mid-July, my brother announced that his wife is pregnant with their second child. It's a big deal for them as their eldest is already 10 years old and they've been wanting a baby for the longest time.

Come last week of July, we learned that my SIL's pregnancy was ectopic. She had to be operated on immediately. Since I know my brother would not be able to afford the hospitalization bill by himself, I went to the hospital to use my card to pay a certain portion of their bill.  It's a big blow for them but we've accepted that it's really not meant to be and that there are other plans for them.

3. My Dad

On August 2, I was having a quiet Sunday evening when my phone started ringing incessantly. I was in the other room so I didn't hear my phone. My husband brought my phone to me and it was my brother on the line. He said that our dad had a heart attack and was at the ER of Makati Med. I quickly dressed and Leo drove as fast as he can to get me to the hospital.

I initially started crying when I called my stepmother who was with my dad in the ER. The doctors were asking me to make a decision if they are to proceed with the medical procedures that they intend to do. Unfortunately, it would involve a huge amount of money which my dad, nor I, have. Taking a deep breath, I agreed to their proposal and they whisked my dad off for an angiogram and later on, an angioplasty.

The surgeon was very nice in a sense that he spoke with us before, during and after the procedure. He gave us a short Heart 101 lecture and showed us where the infarction happened and how they inserted the stents which propped up the veins. It was a tense evening but my dad pulled through. He was kept in the ICU for a couple of days and was eventually moved to a regular room.

Since as previously mentioned, my dad did not have sufficient cash to pay for his medical bills, I had to shoulder most of it -- through credit. My sister and mom helped out but it's still not much. Who knew that a small piece of metal such as a stent can cost P100,000? And they had to use two on my dad.

DEATHS

I once jokingly said that in 2015, if I was not in the hospital, I was in a funeral home. I think I visited funerals at least five times last year. One of them, was for a dear friend which I posted about here. But if I'm not mistaken, I was in Loyola Memorial Chapels over at Guadalupe 4x, and once in Manila Memorial. It was definitely draining but it is the cycle of life.

JOY 
(edited)

You need bad days in order to appreciate the good ones.

Probably one of the joyful highlights of my 2015 was when I discovered ALDUB. You might probably scoff at that but it literally changed my life. I wrote about them also here.

It is not my habit to watch noontime shows nor to idolize celebrities. But since a dubsmashing girl smiled shyly at a bedimpled young man on live TV, I got hooked. It went to as far as me joining the multitudes of people that filled up the 55,000 seating capacity of the Philippine Arena just to watch them dance and exchange hugs. The joy that I felt then was indescribable and one that I will treasure in my lifetime.

From then on, seeing them filled me with happiness and it translated to whatever it was that I'm doing. I became more sweet towards my hubby and was actually more patient at work. I also went out of my way to go to Alabang Town Center just to see them shoot their movie (well, it was not out of the way as it's just outside my village--but nevertheless, it's still not my character).

Of course, another joyful memory was my 40th birthday.

A few weeks after my dad's operation last August, my mom contacted me and asked if I wanted to go to Vegas on my birthday. I was hesitant at first as I was cash strapped due to my dad's angioplasty but she said she'll take care of it. Next thing I knew, my plane ticket was in my inbox. I was due to leave for LA on November 26 and will arrive on Thanksgiving. The best thing was that I was going to surprise my twin sister who had no idea that I will be joining them in Vegas.

I arrived in LA where my aunt picked me up at the airport. Being the social media savvy person that I am, it was so difficult for me to stay quiet online as I could not give my sister any idea that I was in the US. Unfortunate circumstances however (aka, a death in the family) forced my mom to tell my sister of my whereabouts and I almost flew to the East Coast. However, we still pushed through with Vegas where we had a blast celebrating our 40th birthday.

2015 was definitely a year that I will remember and a great way to mark my 40th year. Here's to 40 years more.

Goodbye, My Captain

O Captain! My Captain!

BY WALT WHITMAN

O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done,

The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won,

The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,

While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;

                         But O heart! heart! heart!

                            O the bleeding drops of red,

                               Where on the deck my Captain lies,

                                  Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;

Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills,

For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding,

For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;

                         Here Captain! dear father!

                            The arm beneath your head!

                               It is some dream that on the deck,

                                 You’ve fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still,

My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will,

The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done,

From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;

                         Exult O shores, and ring O bells!

                            But I with mournful tread,

                               Walk the deck my Captain lies,

                                  Fallen cold and dead.

(Taken from http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/174742)

I first heard about Robin Williams' passing while listening to my favorite morning radio show, The Morning Rush. I initially thought it was Robbie Williams but before I could hear more, I lost the radio signal as I was underground. When I got to my workstation, I immediately started a google search. When no mention about Robbie Williams, I searched for Robin Williams. I could only sit there in shock while my mind went into #TBT mode.

Robin Williams played a big part in my teenage life. Dead Poets Society was the favorite movie of my high school barkada. In fact, we named our barkada after it. There's something about seizing the day that made us relate to the characters in the show. 

The poem above was our chorale recitation piece after hearing it at the DPS movie. I could still remember the feeling of grief which we internalized when we recited the poem. I felt the same grief when I first heard the news and I'm still reeling from it, 14 hours later.

As I write this entry, I'm watching Youtube clips of different Robin Williams interviews. I can't believe that a man who made others happy is battling horrible sadness that eventually took his life.

My Captain has fallen cold and dead but his memory will continue to live on with every laughter.

RIP, Robin Williams (1951-2014). You are now truly free.

Comforting with Grace

Since we're in the subject of death, last Saturday, one of my colleagues told me that his grandmother passed away last Wednesday. I quickly conveyed my condolences and mentioned that it's never easy to lose a loved one.

This morning, I dug out my copy of Rita Avila's 8 Ways to Comfort with Grace with I wrote about here. With a lot of people passing away, I'm sometimes at a loss on how to comfort them. Though I've read her book before, I tend to forget.

Probably the best advise she gave was: "offer any little help that you can give". I've been losing relatives 2 years in a row (my last grandparent in 2012 and my paternal uncle in 2013). I couldn't offer much consolation for my mom as she's in the US at that time but I helped out the only way that I can to ease their grief--which was to arrange for my grandmother's burial here in the country (it's not easy and entails a lot of coordination. Although big kudos to St. Peter's for a job well done on that). When my uncle died last year, I also did what my dad asked me with minimal fuss. They mentioned that I was a big help to them in comforting them but I did not understand why. I guess now, I do.

As for my colleague, I already conveyed my condolences through text last Saturday. I'm glad though that I asked him about it and that I learned it directly from him. When I get back to work tomorrow, I'll probably just say a few more words and ask him if he would need further time-off.

R.I.P Philip Seymour Hoffman

Philip Seymour Hoffman
(July 23, 1967 – February 2, 2014)

I woke up to the news of his death this morning and I was shocked. I just saw him in Catching Fire the other week. I suddenly remembered his other movies and how much he entertained me.

I first saw him The Talented Mr. Ripley with Matt Damon and Jude Law and I just remembered him. And there's also him as a slimey reporter in Red Dragon and his award-winning performance in Capote.

According to reports, he died due to drug overdose. That's rather disturbing (well, a lot of well-known personalities have passed away due to overdose--there's Cory Monteith and Heath Ledger), but could he be that talented because of the drugs? What would he be without them?

Nevertheless, it's still a big loss and he will be sorely missed. May his soul rest in peace.

All Souls/Saints Day

Trips to Batangas, Pampanga and Makati to visit our dearly departed.

Circle of Life

2007 is a year wherein the Circle of Life is fully manifested. It's the first time in my life that I experienced a lot of deaths and on the other hand, a lot of births.

I've been writing death announcements one after the other and just recently, a friend of my mom passed away. My sister, her husband and I, went to her wake this evening to represent my mom. There were so many people there and the flowers were all in abundance. It's obvious that she was very much loved and will be very much missed. Just seeing the AVP prepared for her brought tears in my eyes.

Her death was caused by the same virus that killed one of the twin daughters of Benhur Abalos. They do not know where she got the virus, how it was transmitted and somehow, the specialists still don't have a cure. It was touch and go. When we spoke to her father and gave our condolences, he started crying again. He said he hasn't stopped crying ever since his daughter died.

As we practically did not know anyone except for the immediate family of the deceased, we kept to ourselves and stayed until the end of the mass. We marveled at the beautiful flowers and how magnificent the funeral home was (Sanctuarium is one of the newest things in the funeral business).

The whole thing got me thinking how fragile life is. Anyone can just die without due notice. Death sorts of gives one a different perspective on things. It made me think if I have lived or am living a meaningful life--a life which I can be proud of when I meet my Maker. It's not perfect nor is it bad. I still need to improve a lot of things and to decide on things that I'm hedging on.

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Leo and I visited three places this All Souls/Saints Day.

First of all, we visited Lolo Prime's grave at Batangas. The place was all clean and Lolo's grave was quite pristine. The one who cleaned up the place did a really good job.

We went there last Oct. 28 with Che, Mhon and of course, Miguel. We joined Tita Mae and her family. We had lunch at Tita Melen's place and we went to the cemetery.

Unfortunately, neither of us has the key to the mausoleum so just lighted our candles through the grill bars. Noticed though that the "PANGANIBAN" at the front is missing. I hope the letters were just taken out to be polished.











On the 1st of November, we joined Leo's family on a road trip going to Pampanga. We visited the grave of Papa's parents and brother at Sta. Ana. We rode with Tricie and her family on their nice Fortuner.

I'll post more pictures in the photos section.






Then lastly, on November 2, we went to Makati to visit Lolo Ruben and Lola Pacing's ashes.

Mhon, Che, Miguel, Nessie and Chloe were there. We had lunch there. Leo and I left at around 130 pm to go to Tagaytay as his family is waiting for us there.

We had dinner at Tagaytay Highlands where we went bowling with Leo's nephews and Leo's dad. Papa actually gave me tips on bowling. Didn't know that there's a science to it. I'm excited to go bowling soon to test all the new things I learned. Heck, it was the first time I bowled a score of 116 and at two strikes in a row! That has never happened to me before. I had an embarrassing moment when the ball flew out of my hands as I was pulling back to throw the ball. Good thing it did not hit any of the people sitting behind me.