Grief

One of the members our Newlywedsatwork egroup shared the story of how her 19-day old son died. Most of all the messages that were posted henceforth were words of condolences and comfort. I'm sure most of us were thinking what we could have done if it happened to us.

Up to now, I'm still thinking of her and what she has suffered. This was the second child that she lost. The first child (if I'm correct), died in the womb while this one, died 19 days after he was born.

I cried because I sympathized and empathized with her. I could understand the terror and grief. I was also in tenterhooks the first few weeks that Basti was born. I would wake up in the middle of the night just to check on him. I would hold his back to check if he's still breathing. Thank God he was not much of a crier when he was a baby (although he whines a lot now).

It's stories like this that makes me pause and think whether I really want another child. It's every mother's nightmare to see your child die before you and I don't know if I would want to experience that. I will jost hold steadfast in my faith that God has a plan for all of us and we just have to accept whatever it is that lies ahead. We just pray for strength to have that kind of acceptance and surrender our hesitations and doubts to God for He alone is omnipotent.

Anima Choir

Apart from the birth of our son, our wedding was the most memorable day in my life, bar none. I was very particular with the choir and after so much searching, I found Anima Choir. They sang my chosen bridal march, Ikaw Lamang, perfectly. And they managed to tape their performance too.



They also sang the above song during our contract signing. It's a Filipino love song, Minsan Lang Kitang Iibigin, originally sung by Ariel Rivera.

Toilet Training

Our toilet training adventure started yesterday.

Actually, we've been letting Basti use his potty and the big potty for quite some time. Yesterday was the first time that we did not let hime wear diapers while we were at home. I reasoned out that he's already wearing XXL and it's already starting to get a little snug. Pretty soon, it would barely fit him anymore. Besides, he will be starting toddler school in June so we have to be prepared for that.

So far, he did not have an accident yesterday. Only time he peed was when he was in the playground and yaya noticed that he was shivering a bit. She rushed him off to the bushes and encouraged him to do his thing. (Sorry! No CR nearby). He was able to do it and was praised endlessly.

At least his diapers are now limited to only when we're going out or when he sleeps. Hopefully, this will decrease my diaper expense.

Our next struggle now is for him to sleep straight through the night. So far, he still wakes up 2x during the night to ask for milk. There were times that he woke up 3 times! He should be really sleeping straight by now.

Allergies

After suffering from unexplained allergies for almost two years, I finally went to an allergologist to find out what's really wrong and what I'm allergic to.

After queueing for almost half a day, he saw me and I agreed to have a skin test done through scratch method immediately that night. The results were quite depressing. Turns out, I'm allergic to almost all the stuff that's on the list!

I'm officially allergic to the following:

A. INHALANTS
- House Dust
- Kapok (some type of tree/plant with fibre)
- Molds
- Orris Root (it's used as a base note in perfumery--no wonder I sometimes end up with asthma when I breathe a certain type of perfume)
- Pigweed grass
- Acacia
- Pine Mix
- Pyrethrum (type of flower which is used as a natural insecticide)
- Dust mite
- Feathers
- Tobacco
- Cotton Linteers
- Cat/Dog/Horse Hair
- Mosquito
- Cockroach
- Fire Ant

B. VARIOUS FOODS
- Pepper Mix
- Soy
- Chocolate (I've proven this. Broke out in hives when I drank my husband's fresh chocolate milk)
- Coffee
- Almond
- Peanut (yep, also proven. Had an asthma attack after eating Nagaraya)
- Egg
- Corn
- Brewer's Yeast (beer)
- Bakers Yeast

C. FRUITS
- Pineapple
- Apple
- Lemon
- Orange
- Strawberry
- Mango

D. MEATS AND SEAFOODS
- Pork
- Beef
- Chicken
- Shrimp
- Crab
- Oyster
- Clams
- Salmon

Those in BOLD letters were encircled by my doctor as I'm highly allergic to them.

It's quite depressing, really. I'm coping by having antihistamine and my inhaler with me at all times. If I know I'll be eating something which I'll be allergic to during the day, I take my antihistamine in the morning. Otherwise, I'm prepared for any attack.

I don't know why I'm suddenly allergic to a lot of things when I'm not this sensitive before. Everything just went to hell after I gave birth. I don't know if that is the tipping point that caused these changes.

Whatever it is, this is something that I have to live through everyday hoping that my next attack won't be to severe which would require hospitalization.

Losing my Excess Baggage

My weight is considered excess baggage for me and it's the only baggage that I'm happy to lose.

After my health scare last February, I was prompted to lose the excess weight which spiked all the bad things in my blood. I dusted off the diet plan that my dietician gave me and proceeded to follow it to the letter.

The first week was not as difficult as I thought as the doctor's words were still haunting me throughout my meals that I was deathly scared of eating anything remotely unhealthy. When I saw my neurologist that weekend, he ruled out a stroke and after clearing me from other worst-case scenarios simply ruled on migraine equivalence (I only suffered visual auras sans the headache). He gave me this medicine which not only manages seizures but has a nice side effect on suppressing hunger pangs. This helped me lose more weight that I could on my own.

I still continued on going to the gym and since then, I've lost a total of 20lbs. Not bad but not good enough. I need to lose more if I really want to be healthy. I'm giving myself a break from the dieting although I'm still controlling my intake portions and avoiding fried foods. It's difficult as I don't drink the migraine medicine anymore so I really have to solely depend on my willpower now. I do plan to go back to my diet which would hopefully jumpstart the weight loss again. Another 20 lbs won't be too bad but would undoubtedly be a big struggle.

Hillsong - At the Cross - With Subtitles/Lyrics

My LSS for today, and what a great LSS it is.

God truly loves me and I am truly humbled.

White Hair

I found my 3rd white hair this morning. Actually, I've caught glimpses of it the past few weeks but was not able to really catch a handle of it until this morning.

My first white hair was 5 years ago and I can excuse that because I was highly stressed. I have no reason now except *gulp* old age. What makes it worse is that I found two of them but one of them is still too short to pull out.

I'm not really that vain so a few white strands should not bother me. I guess I'm just reminded of my mortality and of the years that I have yet to live in this earth.

Attending a recollection during Holy Week made me realize how short those years can be and how my spirituality has suffered these past few months.

I can't really blame the whole RH Bill brouhaha thing. I should know that religion is different from my God and my spirituality. Religion just gives me the channel to worship Him but I know in my heart that He is there and there is only one God. I have just grown spiritually dry these past years. I've been yearning to go to confession but I'm rather partial to the priests that I go to as I don't want to go to one who's a rabid anti-RH bill protestor lest he should pepper my confession with his anecdotes.

I still haven't lost faith in my religion and I still believe in what it stands for. The recollection that I attended last week made me realize that like me, it is not perfect.

I have downloaded (yay for Itunes!) songs from Hillsong to which I listened to on my way to work to remind me of God's love for me. One thing I realized is that I have stopped doing things out of love and have been doing them out of my sense of responsibility.

I look forward to the day that I would gladly embrace my white hair and all that they stand for.