Oldies but Goodies

Ever had the feeling that you were so out of place? It's the most hated feeling in the world. Wanting to be somewhere else but you're stuck attending an event which someone else would have attended. The downside of being a team head.

Two years ago, I would've found the event fun and even let out my extrovert side and socialized with everyone. Unfortunately, I was not feeling very well and it was only due to duty that I came. In other words, I did not want to go. I felt that I should've just spent the night with my SO. But duty called.

I also saw an old staff of mine who gave me headaches when he used to report to me. It's people like him who make me doubt my capabilities. One thing I learned when it comes to managing people is that your staff basically reflects your people management skills. He did approach me and apologized for all the headaches he gave me, but that did not diminish the disappointment I felt.


THE LADYKILLERS

Since my SO is a fan of the Coen brothers ("O Brother, Where Art Thou", "Intolerable Cruelty", "Fargo") and I'm deathly scared of zombie films (I get nightmares from Zombie flicks), it was no contest that we watched "Ladykillers" starring Tom Hanks (actually, I played brave and told my SO that we can watch "Dawn of the Dead", but apparently, he got a bad case of the heebie jeebies as well) this afternoon.

It was my first Coen brothers film and I had high expectations from it due to my SO's recommendations. I liked it and especially appreciated Tom Hank's performance. I haven't seen him act for quite a long time and this was definitely different from Forrest Gump and Castaway (he did carry a southern accent).

I'll try to catch the other films.

SELFISH BITCH

My sleep was so fitful last night. I blame it on my mood yesterday. I was simply depressed. Depressed wherein all the negative emotions converge and all I could do was wallow in it. Heck, I was drowning in it! Kesyo "I'm so fat!", or "I'm not rich!", or "I don't have a new blouse!", or "I'm such a failure at work." Those sort of things.

Having lunch with my best buddies at work and reading a very good friend's post, made me realize how selfish I have become lately. I realized that I've become so self-centered and have lost my optimistic view on life.

I don't know what basically caused the upheaval but I'm trying my darned best to get out of this hole. I don't want to lose sense of who I am and all the good things in life. My relationship with God has become so tepid that I could barely hear his Words to me. I know that prayer is the only answer to what I'm going through right now and I beseech God asking Him for forgiveness for being such a neglectful daughter. I know I have to forgive someone in return and I hope I'll have enough heart to be able to do so. Right now, I'm still hurting from her painful words and it's still difficult for me to accept that she said those words out of love.

I filed for a supposedly one week leave starting Wednesday. Unfortunately, our boss is going on leave next week so she only approved three days of my filed five. That three days might also become two if my two other officemates decide to push through with their leave. I plan to spend those days either at the spa pampering myself, at BF spending time with my godson, or at school.