Tuesday, June 29, 2004


Seven years is such a bloody long time. Heck, if I started working for my present company 7 years ago, I would have been assistant manager now or manager even! If I got married seven years ago, I would be fighting the so-called seven year itch now. If I chose to take up law seven years ago, I would be a lawyer be now (presuming I passed the bar exam. By the way, ever wondered why it's called a "bar" in the first place? My law teacher said that in a courtroom, there's this bar segregating the people from the lawyers and judge. So if you passed the "bar" exam, you can literally go over the bar and mingle with the other lawyers and judges who are supposedly knowledgeable in the law).

What's with the seven years? Well, starting July 1, my sunshine@philonline.com address will no longer be available. I did not want to let go of it due to nostalgic reasons, but practicality and efficiency ruled over nostalgia. I had to discontinue the address since majority of the emails that I get from that address are spam. Besides, nobody emails me using that address anymore. Paying P220 a month for it was not worth it. When I could pay the same amount and get unlimited internet.

It's really about time that I had that line cut. It's about time that I move on.

Sunday, June 27, 2004

Everybody Hurts

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone.

-REM's Everybody Hurts

I've always made it a policy not to hurt anyone with my words. That's the reason why I stay quiet when I'm pissed or angry. I don't want to say anything that I don't mean.

I managed to hurt someone whom I love very much today. It was a very traumatic experience for me because I saw how much my words hurt the other person. I will always carry that image with me for the rest of my life. I wish I could take back those words when I did not even mean them. I guess I was just so absorbed in my anger that I forgot to tell him why I was mad in the first place.

Today's experience reinforced and reaffirmed my love for this person and vice versa. I'm so glad that we managed to patch things up before we called it a night. I would not have been able to sleep knowing that he still carried those words that I said.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004


Just when I thought that it's all behind us all, everything comes rushing back.

My family is slowly breaking apart and I don't know how to keep the pieces from falling. The issue is not anymore infidelity, but the future. I cried when I read the e-mails and I'm still crying up to now and I'll probably go on until the pain fades.

I don't know where this leaves us, but it hurts me to see the two people who I first loved be so unhappy.

Monday, June 21, 2004

Well Met

I thought I was properly introduced to my SO's family. I totally forgot about extended families.

Being Father's Day, he told me that we're having dinner with his parents and grandparents tonight. I put on some decent clothes and lounged about at Robinson's Place looking for gifts for his father and grandfather. A few hours before the meeting time, he surprised me with the announcement that his aunts, uncles and cousins will be there. Imagine my panic! The blouse that I had on was damp with sweat from all the walking around the mall. I immediately shopped for a new and more respectable looking blouse and found one in my size at Tubby's (I love this shop! And I love the blouse too. Bought another one albeit a different colour).

The SO kept insisting that I looked fine as I was (said he who was in walking shorts, branded shirt and diesel shoes). Frantic to make a good impression (and his mom was there! I don't know why I feel that I ALWAYS have to be and look my best whenever his mom is present) to his relatives, I dragged him from shop to shop looking for that fresh new blouse. He was amused when I insisted to the saleslady that I will be wearing the shirt that I just chose.

I wanted to run when we arrived at the restaurant somewhere along Roxas Blvd and I saw his parents seated with other folks. I just held onto my SO's hand, put on my warmest smile and walked steadily towards the group.

Dinner was ok. My seatmate was one of SO's aunts and she was very warm and candid. We stayed for a couple of hours until everyone went home.

All in all, it was ok. I felt a bit intimidated when all of SO's relatives were so conscious of their weight. His aunt even gave me advice on how to lose weight. Maybe I'll try what she's suggesting.

I'm actually looking forward to meeting everyone again. Although next time, I hope to be more prepared.

Friday, June 18, 2004

Academic Sun


I created a new blog for the sole purpose of posting my papers from my classes. My featured subjects for this month are Business Economics and Business Law. So if you're into those things, you're welcome to read said blog.

Thursday, June 17, 2004


I had enough of work causing me to file for vacation leave. I've been on leave since yesterday. I originally planned on just staying at home, vegetating and watching TV. Unfortunately, that has not happened. I've been out of the house since yesterday and I have been productive since then.

I spent the morning yesterday doing my paper for Business Law and then had lunch with my lovable SO. Afterwhich, I spent the next three hours at Perk's Spa having a body scrub, massage, facial and steam bath. It's one heavenly way to relax.

As for today, I spent the morning at my dentist (who else, but my sister!), paid credit cards, had lunch with SO again and a college friend. Afterwhich, said college friend and I lounged about at Max Brenner's pretending we were one of those people who has millions in the bank and just lounging about trying to figure out what to do with them (it was a sosy place after all). We parted ways around 4 pm and I found my way here at school waiting for class to start.

I have a free day tomorrow and I intend to spend it at home. But then, I think I have to do an errand which has long been delayed. I think I'll do that tomorrow afternoon before I meet up with my officemates for our night-out with a former boss.

Even if it has been a full vacation (i.e. I was originally planned on exiling myself at BF and just staying their the whole duration of my leave), I did enjoy the time off from work.

Monday, June 14, 2004

Oldies but Goodies

Ever had the feeling that you were so out of place? It's the most hated feeling in the world. Wanting to be somewhere else but you're stuck attending an event which someone else would have attended. The downside of being a team head.

Two years ago, I would've found the event fun and even let out my extrovert side and socialized with everyone. Unfortunately, I was not feeling very well and it was only due to duty that I came. In other words, I did not want to go. I felt that I should've just spent the night with my SO. But duty called.

I also saw an old staff of mine who gave me headaches when he used to report to me. It's people like him who make me doubt my capabilities. One thing I learned when it comes to managing people is that your staff basically reflects your people management skills. He did approach me and apologized for all the headaches he gave me, but that did not diminish the disappointment I felt.


Since my SO is a fan of the Coen brothers ("O Brother, Where Art Thou", "Intolerable Cruelty", "Fargo") and I'm deathly scared of zombie films (I get nightmares from Zombie flicks), it was no contest that we watched "Ladykillers" starring Tom Hanks (actually, I played brave and told my SO that we can watch "Dawn of the Dead", but apparently, he got a bad case of the heebie jeebies as well) this afternoon.

It was my first Coen brothers film and I had high expectations from it due to my SO's recommendations. I liked it and especially appreciated Tom Hank's performance. I haven't seen him act for quite a long time and this was definitely different from Forrest Gump and Castaway (he did carry a southern accent).

I'll try to catch the other films.


My sleep was so fitful last night. I blame it on my mood yesterday. I was simply depressed. Depressed wherein all the negative emotions converge and all I could do was wallow in it. Heck, I was drowning in it! Kesyo "I'm so fat!", or "I'm not rich!", or "I don't have a new blouse!", or "I'm such a failure at work." Those sort of things.

Having lunch with my best buddies at work and reading a very good friend's post, made me realize how selfish I have become lately. I realized that I've become so self-centered and have lost my optimistic view on life.

I don't know what basically caused the upheaval but I'm trying my darned best to get out of this hole. I don't want to lose sense of who I am and all the good things in life. My relationship with God has become so tepid that I could barely hear his Words to me. I know that prayer is the only answer to what I'm going through right now and I beseech God asking Him for forgiveness for being such a neglectful daughter. I know I have to forgive someone in return and I hope I'll have enough heart to be able to do so. Right now, I'm still hurting from her painful words and it's still difficult for me to accept that she said those words out of love.

I filed for a supposedly one week leave starting Wednesday. Unfortunately, our boss is going on leave next week so she only approved three days of my filed five. That three days might also become two if my two other officemates decide to push through with their leave. I plan to spend those days either at the spa pampering myself, at BF spending time with my godson, or at school.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Mailing List Wars

When we were in College, we used to have this Logbook Wars where the main objective is to provide an avenue for the artists/writers to release their aggression and frustration through their art. The first few pages of the logbook was used to introduce their respective characters and when the "editor" announces the start of the war, the characters start to kill off one another with no timeline to speak off. The manner of killing is not sacred. The grosser and sicker, the better. There are no words. Just basic dialogue or drawings showing your character being murdered, maimed, raped and what have you.

Mailing List Wars however, are a different matter. There is nothing straightforward when it comes to online debates. For one, there are so many point of views being thrown around that one tends to lose sight of the problem. This is the common mistake of most people: figuring out what the problem/issue is (just watch a vote-counting session of the senate/congress and you'll see what I mean).

At least they do have one thing in common, no one gets physically harmed (or so I think).

Monday, June 07, 2004


It's one of those days when you feel that you've enough.

In my case, I've had enough of work.

I've already set some wheels in motion to see where my choices will lead me. Hopefully, I will make the right choice.

Sunday, June 06, 2004

Harry Potter

Everyone who watched the film and has an online journal must've posted something about the movie. I guess here's my knut's worth on the film.

It's bloody gorgeous! (hanep. Kala mo kung sinong British eh.) It's the best HP movie there is. The first two ones were, well, kiddy-ish. Not surprising since it's geared for the 10-below audience. This new installment is more mature and I don't know if that same age bracket can relate to the going ons in Harry's life.

The movie also proved that the director can get away with deviating from the book as long as he delivered it in a way that the rabid die-hards would not notice. I read the book before I watched the movie and he did get away with the changes.

My favourite part was when Harry performed the Patronus charm. I thought I was going to cry! It's like watching your kid grow up and do something extraordinary. First thing I did when I got home is read through my copy of "The Order of the Phoenix" again. I realized that I could not remember the story anymore since I just speed read through it the first time around. Afterwhich, it was borrowed by 4 different people. I just permanently got it back a few weeks ago.

Funny though, this is the second movie that I've watched where my other seatmate (not SO) slept throughout the movie. Unlike my previous seatmate (I think it was Van Helsing that we watched), this one was not snoring.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Laws of Changes and Eggs

Things must be getting pretty banal when I'm starting to enjoy my economics and law subjects this term.

I hated these subjects when I was in College. Cursing a blue streak whenever I could not recall the law which ruled on the People of the Philippines vs. some-person-whose-name-i-can't-think-of case. In fact, I flunked 2 of my taxation/law subjects when I was in college. Now here I am enjoying the class and not minding that we're being dismissed at 930 pm! Maybe because I can finally appreciate everything now that I get to apply them to my work life.

Economics was also a topic which I wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole. Heck, I would rather use a whip! I could not seem to comprehend the law of supply and demand. (I think I was allergic to the word "law"). Now here I am, even volunteering to set up the mailing list of the class and planning to get my hands on every resource book recommended by the professor (and there are 10 of them in the list!).

I think I've changed, although I don't know whether it's for the best or for the worst. I can't seem to revive my flagging interest on role-playing (much to the dismay of my rpg friends). My writing has also been very bland. I read my blog posts and they lack colour and life. It's like reading a news report. It bothers me that I'd rather read the Business World and thinking how each news that I read will affect the economy macro and microeconomically, rather than start on the long-awaited 7th book of the Sword of Truth Series by Terry Goodkind, which I picked up more than a month ago yet I haven't started on the first page!

I could say change is not bad. As long as I maintain a balance and not forget who my friends are. Balance and juggling is easy as long as you only have two eggs up in the air. Unfortunately, I have more than 2 and every 3 months or so, the eggs keep on multiplying. I think the trick here is not to have too many eggs.

One day, I can manage everything. I just hope that the eggs won't come crashing down my face.