Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Moving On

I wrote a post a few months back about an officemate's resignation. It came to the point that out of the friends that I made at work, only a couple of people are left.

The day that I dread has finally arrived. Ching tendered her resignation a few weeks back and Jas, gave hers today. I already knew of Jas' resignation ever since she applied for that other job. Heck, I even made her resignation letter for her. But it was only after she handed it over that it hit me--that I'll be alone again.

Honestly, a small part of me does feel happy for her because I know she deserves that job offer and she will do good in that new position/company. Walang plastikan yon. However, a major part of me is selfishly miserable. Miserable because the last of my good friends will be leaving me behind; miserable because I'm stuck in that quagmire called work wherein the situation is getting worse; miserable because of the feeling of ineptness--of not being good enough.

Some people might not find that a problem since there are always new people coming in and that everyone has work problems. But one thing that people should understand about me is that I don't make friends easily. I know how to interact with acquaintances and how to make them, it's just that I really don't make friends easily. It's difficult for me to find people who I can jive or get along with, morever find people whom I could trust. The recent batch of females that entered are department are not really close to me, maybe my fault. But I just can't seem to make the effort to get to know them better. I don't know if it's because I'm insecure or that I'm the only girl who has a boyfriend in our department.

As they say, what goes around, comes around. When I first joined my present employer, I was basically a loner. I ate lunch alone and never really bonded with my colleagues. I guess I'm back to that kind of set-up. The old feeling of being unwanted and not belonging is coming back full force.

I've been crying on and off since this afternoon. Good thing I'm not wearing make-up else my face will be full of blotches. But heck, who knows how everything might turn out. Maybe my time has yet to come.

No comments: