Make or Break

A couple of weeks ago, my boss told me he's going on block leave. I was initially filled with excitement since it's a chance for me to prove myself (ahempowertripahem). Of course, there was trepidation since who knows what would happen in those two weeks. My boss did reassure me that he's just a phone call away and he's not leaving town.

On the start of my first week of OIC-ship, things were kinda ok. I was putting out fires left and right and I could still smile. My previous boss, AC, who's still with the company, talked to me and I was touched when she said that I should not hesitate to approach or disturb her if there's anything that I need. If anyone's picking a fight with us, I should tell her (she actually gave me permission to make "sumbong" to her. Of course, I only did that once. Nakakahiya naman). However, things started to take a downturn towards the end of the first week. I was expected to do things that was impossible to do and it was really SO stressful.

On the start of the second week, I was already counting the days until this Friday. Things started to get worse since the boss of my boss is also out of the office and referring concerns to them is getting to be more difficult. Moreover, the mother of one of my staff passed away last Tuesday. Other impossible and difficult things were referred to us and I could feel myself drawn so tight. Today, being the last day of the week, was the worse. I had a stress headache the whole day and my department was asked to finish some deliverables beyond the usual working hours. Not to mention, I had my Prodman WCE scheduled tonight!

So I just did what I had to do and hoped that nothing would explode at my face next week. At least my boss will be back next week so if other departments wants to raise an issue or complain about something, my boss will handle it.

I left the office beyond 6 pm hoping that the exam hasn't started yet. When I got to school, my headache got worse. After waiting for half an hour, the student secretary came out and said that our exam was cancelled for reasons I still can't understand. I should be relieved since I was not able to study as much as I should this week. However, I felt more frustrated and stressed since I still have to worry about it these coming weeks.

So I went back to the office and tried to get some more work done. I took a Paracetamol tablet but it did little to alleviate my headache. By the time Leo picked me up, I was ready to scream or cry, and in the privacy of Leo's car, I chose the latter. I broke down. I cried and I sobbed. I wailed and I weeped. I let go.

When I recovered a bit, I sent a text message again to AC, who helped me through some tight spots in the past couple of weeks. When she replied to my text, I started to cry once more. Leo thought that I was getting upset again, but I was just touched by the message. She said, "I have always believed in you Shine, you did well in your boss' absence in pulling the team together. Enjoy your weekend." That was the BEST thing I have heard in the last two weeks. Someone to just affirm and thank you for all the work you've done--even if she has nothing to do with your appraisal. Somehow, it made all the pain and stress so worth it. It feels great to know that someone who I greatly respect, believes in what I do and what I have done. It somehow nullified the feeling of incompetence that I was feeling earlier.

Now, I'm going to spend the weekend relaxing and pampering myself. I think I deserve it after all the stress I went through. Moreover, walking in the shoes of my boss made me think twice whether I would want to be in his shoes. I don't know if I'm strong enough, or smart enough, or "mataray" enough. I don't know how he (my current boss), does it but he deserves more than a pat in the back, for sure!