Too Stressed to be Depressed

A big audit is coming up next week and I'm so stressed that it's showing on my skin. I already have a pimple at the bridge of my nose and I could feel another one on my cheek! Gosh! I want this to be over!!!

The wedding being less than 3 months away is also not helping. Leo and I just realized that we have to submit our requirements during our canonical interview on July 3rd. We still have to get our marriage license and he still needs to get his baptismal/confirmation certificates (and to think I reminded and nagged him so many times before about this. Grrrr). Good thing he's doing this tomorrow.

I also noticed that Leo and I have been arguing more often as the wedding approaches. I'm not sure though if it's a two-sided argument as I'm the one who often loses patience. I can't remember the reason for our past arguments but I do remember getting mad--with the past two nights not being an exception.

Yesterday, we got caught by a traffic aide and I was really holding on to my patience. It was Leo's fault and I was trying hard not to say "I told you so". And today, we almost got into another argument because I wanted to go out with my team to celebrate the birthday of my one-down. Leo said he wanted to go home already. I said I wanted to bond with my team and I'll just commute home etc etc etc. Bottomline, I gave in and barely talked to him the whole trip going home.

I'm not usually like this. I attribute it to work-related stress. We cannot afford to fail this audit and I got quite a tongue-lashing from our Business Head for letting some stuff fall through the cracks. Never have I received such a series of scoldings (immortalized in email) in my entire life. If they say that you are not a truly a driver unless you have dented your car, then you are not truly a Unit Head unless you get washed, soaped and hung out to dry by your boss.

For the past two weeks, I had four people looking over my shoulder and riding my back to ensure things gets done. I had to look over my former unit and my new unit to ensure that gaps get rectified. I had to stretch myself to ensure the message of non-acceptance of a failed grade gets through to all my one-downs and colleagues. My unit is the favourite subject during audits. Makes me wonder why I chose this job in the first place.

It's D-Day on Tuesday. We're grateful that instead of a whole team coming in, only two people will be there to audit the whole bank. We're more grateful that instead of a full-blown audit that's being done across the region, we only have one week (4 days actually) of torture. Don't get me wrong. I'm confident that the important gaps have been filled and we have gone a long way from our where we were last year. This audit is 15 months in preparation. I just don't want them finding a one-off case and mistaking it as the whole. No system is 100% perfect. I just hope that they keep that in mind.

So wish me luck. As Friedrich Nietzsche said, "What does not kill me makes me stronger". If I survive this, I will definitely feel like Superman (and Spiderman, and Batman, and Captain Jack Sparrow, and and...and...all the superheroes combined!) . Definitely, top of the world.