Sunday, November 30, 2003

Sunrise, Sunset

It's been awhile ever since I've seen a sunrise. I can still remember the last time I saw one. It was the summer of 1995 at Sariyaya, Quezon. I guess it's just apt that I'd see my next sunrise at the same town albeit a different resort.

It took us 4 hours just to get to this place. It was dusk when we arrived yesterday. The last time I was in this town, we were at a beach. This time, we are somewhat on higher ground. I could barely read the sign when we arrived but it's something like a members-only resort where they have these wonderful amenities for members. Something like Tagaytay Highlands but more of the low-end side.

We came here to celebrate my Dad's 56th birthday. I haven't really counted how many we are in the party but I roughly estimate around 30 people (including the kids). That's 30 people crammed in 2 Adventures, 1 CRV and 1 Honda Civic. Due to the limited number of rooms, we pitched tents and 8 of us young'uns slept comfortably in this humongous tent that we set up amidst headlights of cars.

I woke up at 4 am and I couldn't go back to sleep anymore. Probably because I slept at 1030 pm and that's relatively early for me considering that my bedtime is at midnight or maybe I'm not used to the strong winds buffeting our tent. It's a good thing that my mom insisted that I bring my laptop (she was supposed to print the calendar that she's going to bring to the US when she leaves this Thursday). I pulled it out from its case and ensconced myself on the patio where I'm typing this and my notes on my final paper for my Statistics class.

Going back to the sunrise, it's really breathtaking to watch. From the darkness, the sky tinged pink then this wonderful shade of blue. Think corel or some paint program where there's different shades and hues. The sky is one big paint palette. One side in different shades of pink and one side in different shades of blue. There's birds chirping in the background (although I could do away with the sound of the generator and aircon). I could see the man-made lagoon from where I'm at. The sky reflecting on this clear surface. I can't wait to go boating in its calm waters later. Or probably take a dip in the pool. Hopefully it'll be much warmer later on.

According to computer time, it's already 543 am. For the first time since we arrived, I could see where we're at. The light is similar to that when we arrived last night, barely light and barely dark. The eastern sky which is at my left is now turning reddish pink. The mountains at my right look dark and foreboding. I'm not quite sure of my geography but I would guess that it's Mount Banahaw. I'll confirm that later. In the meantime, there's a cloud covering the mountaintop, letting me imagine how cold it must be up there.

It's much lighter now and I now can appreciate the beauty around me. Unfortunately, it also made me see some of the ugliness. There's a factory in the horizon spewing thick black smoke. I would not want to know what kind of smoke that is.

I'm not quite sure of what activities are planned for us today. I have two options actually. To go boating at the lake or go swimming at the pool. Or I could sleep later on. Nah. I'll sleep in the car on the way home. Four hours is hell on my back.

Speaking of my back, I've been having these horrible lower backaches lately. According to my masseuse, it's work-related. Maybe I should ask for hazard pay. At least I don't have tension headaches...yet.

We bought a car last Friday. A 1994 silver 2-door Honda Hatchback. It's really cute and just right for us siblings. My sisters are very excited about it. Cheryll already got a non-pro license. I still have to freshen up my skills before I can get a license. It's been more than 10 years ever since I drove.

It's already 6 am. That's enough typing and thinking now. It's light enough for me to find my way to the lake. I need the exercise and the fresh air.

Thursday, November 27, 2003


I'm having problems with my statistics final paper. With less than three weeks to go until the deadline, I still haven't started on anything. I can't seem to decide on which area of our department I will do the study on. Our department is a bottomless pot of information which is rich for testing. I have talked with my bosses and they're quite excited of the fact that someone will be doing the testing for them. Thing is, we also can't agree on what I would test.

I also stayed up late last night talking to an old (and i mean that in every sense of the word) friend. He basically ranted about the state of the Philippine economy and how it will get worse. He also mentioned that most of the people that he knows are migrating to other countries and asked if I have plans of doing so to. I just shrugged and told him that I'm apathetic. That drew amusement from him. He might have been probably offended too considering that he's from UP.

He also observed that there's something different with me lately. That I seemed to have lost "life". That caught me aback because I realised that it was true. I was half asleep when he said this so I could barely form a coherent reply. Rather than blurt out disjointed phrases and sentences which might put me on the spot, I opted to keep quiet. It also made me think of the reason.

Why have I lost my "life"? Has work and studies literally eaten me alive? Or am I just using that as an excuse to cover up the real issue? This could also be connected to the apathetic issue. It's scaring me that I'm feeling that old feeling again which I last felt when I was in college. I'm feeling nothing.

Yes, it's possible to feel nothing. That is what's scary about the whole thing. I don't dare dwell on the ramifications because I have a feeling that whatever would spring up would further suck me down in the muck of misery. That I do not need right now.

I guess it's back to studying again. At least I can control that little corner of my world.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Christmas Shopping

I went Christmas shopping today at Divisoria. This is the third year in a row that I did my Christmas shopping as early as end of November. Fortunately, I was able to get half of what was on my list. I'm returning next week to finish off my list.

Divisoria is the same as always. Lots of bargain stuff. My Php2,000.00 went a long long way. If I shopped at Megamall, I would only be able to buy one item compared to the bags of stuff that I bought.

Children would no doubt be going gaga over the toys that I found there. Adults are the difficult ones to find gifts for. I've decided to just give food to the adults. You'll never go wrong. The only time that you'll be able to go wrong is if the person that you gave food to is allergic to it.

Monday, November 24, 2003


I'm not much of a fangirl. I mean I don't go around idolizing people and collecting memorabilia of their personal items. However, I am a fan of several writers and artists wherein I collect their works. There are times that I go out of my way to meet them and get their autographs.

I remember the time when I dragged a friend to accompany me to a book signing of Pugad Baboy where I brought with me my collection of PM Jr.'s swiney masterpieces. I even emailed him previously telling him how much I enjoyed his humour. Unfortunately though, he was only able to sign half of my collection.

There was also the time where I made an unscheduled visit to Megamall just to have Arnold Arre sign my copy of "Beyond Eden" which is a wonderful love story and "Trip to Tagaytay" which has a futuristic theme. It was an honor to meet him but unfortunately, I was too shy to stay and chat with him. He did tell me that I share the same name with one of his characters in the comic book.

I also had a friend bring my Charleson Ong books to school since Mr. Ong is his professor for a creative writing class. I did get my autographs but I did not meet him personally.

But with Lyndon Gregorio (which is a pseudonym), creator of the Beerkada comic strips, I not only had all my Beerkada books autographed (well except for Doug and Kitten), but I had the honor of having coffee and chatting with him as well! (So much for not being a fan girl). We stayed in Starbucks for an hour where we talked about hobbies and interests. I would consider it an honor if I was able to provide him cannon-fodder, errrr, inspiration for his future strips.

Here's to more Beerkada books!

Sunday, November 23, 2003


With the duration of my mom's stay here in Manila, she demanded that we leave our Sundays free for us to have lunch together. This was the second Sunday wherein we were able to eat lunch at the same time. It was a touching moment except the time when they started planning the weddings.

My brother is having his church wedding December next year while my two other sisters will be having a double wedding January of 2005. While they were doing all the planning and talking, all I wanted to do was slink away. All the wedding talk made me come face to face with what I do not have.

I am perceived as a person who's good at what she does at work and would no doubt, succeed. I am perceived as someone who chose this path. Someone who chose her career over having a family or love. I wish it was that. I chose this path because this is what is laid out for me. However, in my heart, all I want is to have a family and live a simple life. That is all I want in life, but I will be damned if I will marry the next available guy. I don't want to make myself more miserable than I already am.

Nevertheless, I take this path with eyes open and with great hope that I will still have what I want in life. But if that is not God's will, then I will just pray for strength to accept what is given to me. Moreover, having the strength to survive those upcoming weddings. I'm sure I will have to contend with the questions and pitying looks that I will get knowing that I'm the only unmarried sibling left.

Sunday, November 16, 2003

Best Christmas Present!

I am writing this blog entry from this spanking new laptop that my mom gave me for christmas/birthday (we supposedly shared the cost). It's what I've always wanted. A piece of hardware which I can use for my own without sharing. I think I'm making progress here. First of all, a room of my own, and now my very own laptop. It was the first thing that my mom took out and gave me. While my siblings were fighting over everything that my mom took out from her balikbayan boxes and suitcases, I was content to sit in my very own corner tinkering with this wonderful piece of machinery.

This machine is not EXACTLY new. It's secondhand. Good condition for a second hand thing. I think my mom used it for several months before buying one for herself. She left it in the US and gave me this instead. I'm not complaining. I'm still happy.

I don't know what makes me happier, the point that my mom gave me a laptop, or the point that I don't have to share it. Throughout my years of growing up, I ALWAYS have to share something with siblings. Don't get me wrong. I don't mind sharing. It's one of the values that were taught to us while we were growing up. Heck, it was drilled into us by our parents and our teachers. However, there are times when you need a piece of yourself. Something which you don't have to share.

I've always been a techie. That's why I almost took up computer science as a college course (well, I did for five terms and then I shifted out). I've often marveled how wonderful technology is and how advanced these new machines are. I've always wanted one but I felt that it is way beyond my reach. My mom, sort of consuelo and the carrot which she dangled in front of a stick, used the gift of a laptop for me to take up my masterals in business. As it turns out, she has so long wanted for me to take up my masterals but have long given up on telling me what to do. It just took so long for me to decide and figure things out for myself. Yeah, that's what I am--a late bloomer.

I guess you could call it the best Christmas/birthday gift I received. I don't want to sourgrape or to downplay these wonderful blessings that I have received, but the thing that my heart has so long wanted to have these past few years, I can't seem to have. Instead, God has blessed me with all these material things. I guess this is just a lesson that I can't have them all.


One thing on having your birthday near Christmas, people tend to give you one gift for both occasions. To spare my friends and relatives the agony of thinking what to get me for both, herewith is my wish list:

1. Two Towers 4cd dvd.
2. Lord of the Rings tshirt
3. Pug (cream coloured)
4. Bookshelf/books
5. A date!
6. Music cds and dvd (CSI season 2)
7. Something which I can put in my room
8. Trip to Cebu/Palawan
9. Make-up (anti-allergy stuff)
10. Gift certificate for any spa/body massage place

Sunday, November 09, 2003


I just had a really stressful weekend.

I attended a birthday party of our friend, Eddie, at Laguna Friday night. We traveled for an hour and half just to get there and stayed up to 3 am singing and drinking. We woke up 7 am to hear news about a colonel who was killed while holding hostage an airport control tower.

I returned back to the office around 11 am to meet with my Information Management group mates and do a bit of work. I quit around 2 pm and accompanied my officemate to the mall to wait for her husband. After which, I hurried back home and collapsed on my bed. I woke up after 3 hours of sleep and worked on the stuff that I brought home from the office.

This morning, I opted not to attend to my choir duties and heard mass at the chapel nearby. I spent the early morning reviewing the case for our meeting late this morning. I met with my Statistics group mates for around 3 hours. After that, I did my grocery shopping and went home to collapse in bed and sleep again.

I spent the better part of the evening finishing up on my performance appraisal and answering some personality tests. I also tried doing my statistics homework but could not understand a damn thing about analysis of variances (ANOVA). Things are getting more complicated. Heck, I should start thinking of my final paper already!

I also tried watching TV but nothing’s good on. Jason X was on HBO but I was laughing the whole time. It followed its usual formula of high body count = good horror movie. Of course, the first people who got killed are those teenagers who were having sex. I swear, the Catholic Church can use the Jason series as a marketing tool to enhance their stance vs. pre-marital sex--if you practice pre-marital sex, you’ll literally go to hell, with Jason leading the way.

My mom's arriving from the US this Friday laden with our Christmas gifts and other stuff. What I'm really excited about is the laptop which she bought me AND my Two Towers DVD. Now if I can find the time to watch it. Heck, I'm not even halfway through with the "24" series which my officemate lent me.

Speaking of "24", I recommend this series to you all. It's absolutely full of suspense and would keep you in tenterhooks as to what will happen to who. Jack Bauer (brilliantly played by Keifer Sutherland--who is starting to look more like his father) plays the CTU (Counter-Terrorist Unit) boss who managed to beat all odds and could double as superman with his heroic attempts. It's not far-off enough that even if we suspend our disbelief, it's still believable. Not like LXG where my disbelief cannot go very far (i.e. Nemo's ship getting into the canals of Venice. That did not definitely sit well with me. Moreover seeing that the houses are literally built on stilts. DOH!!!!).

Friday, November 07, 2003


I got my grade for my first statistics exam today. Wonder of wonders, I got a freaking 94! It was a wonderful surprise because I’ve always thought that I’m horrible in Math. It’s the first time EVER that I got a line of 9 in a math-related exam, moreover knowing that I’m part of the top 10. Anyway, do let me gloat. This seldom happens in my life. Oh and did I mention that my midterm grade for my information management ubject is 3.5? :)

It’s been a hectic week at work since one of our officers resigned with his last day being last Friday. Since there is no replacement yet, I opted to take up the slack. Unfortunately, this left me less time to do my real work. Now I have to work double time to really catch up. Hopefully I can accomplish something this weekend and make a dent at my pending items.

My brother and his wife are going to move in before the month ends. This would mean me moving in with my sister in the other room. I’m not keen with the idea so I’m thinking of other alternatives that would enable me to have my own room. Ever since I had my own room, I appreciated my privacy and having my own space. I’m thinking of moving to Makati to live with my grandparents. Over there, I can have my own room and space. It’s even conveniently located a few minutes away from work and school. I could have the option of going to the Taft campus next term. I’ll talk it over with my parents this weekend and see.

Sunday, November 02, 2003


My body gave out last Monday from all the traveling that I’ve been doing the past three weekends. I love traveling but I forgot to rest and recharge.

Speaking of travel, I have a classmate who’s going to Switzerland this week. He works for the World Scout Organization and his job takes him out of the country three or four times a year (even more). I looked at his passport and he’s been to almost everywhere! That’s the kind of job that I would like but I know I won’t be saying the same thing years from now.

The TV’s on and I’m watching my namesake (the one who married Cesar Montano) sing with a couple of guys. She’s wearing this really sexy white shirt that’s blatantly showing her bellybutton. Yup, she just gave birth a year ago and she is prancing around with the same body God bestowed on her years before she had a family.

My family and I had a blast bonding yesterday. My dad discovered the e-mode site and we spent the whole afternoon answering different IQ and personality tests. It just proved things that we’ve always known e.g. my twin and I are opposites, my other sister and I share the same IQ and that I will excel in a career that requires me to solve problems—that sort of thing. It was still fun nevertheless. It’s interesting to note that the test revealed that my dad has an IQ of 170 (superior). I know that he’s well read (he steals my magazines and comic books) but I never learned of his IQ until yesterday. I should not be surprised though. We do come from a family of geniuses and creative people. My grandfather used to run his own advertising agency back in the 60’s before he closed down and went into the lending business and is now writing his own biography. I also have a cousin who’s a certified genius. She topped their SAT in the US well that’s the last I heard about her since my uncle and their mom divorced four or five years ago. There’s also another cousin who’s in the US who won their academic decathlon a few years back. And then there’s me.

No, I am not and definitely no way a genius even if my whole family perceives me that way. Heck, my GPA when I was in college is no way impressive. That taught me though that we have our own impressions of what a genius is. If my family thinks that being a genius involves reading as voraciously as I do manifesting it in the way I answer questions for them, then I guess I’m a genius. But for me, genius means graduating magna cum laude/valedictorian or scoring high in IQ or any other intelligence related exam.