Oh Well

It has been a day of disappointments.

I knew that this day will end in a bad note when I learned that one of my American Idol favorites, Nadia Turner (picture from Idol On Fox Image), was voted out. I loved her performance (and her hair), although her latest ones are not up to par.

But what really made this day as a Disaster Day was after I took my Management Accounting final exam.

I knew that I should've taken a leave of absence today. I needed the day to focus my thoughts, but as it may, I had to go to work (my immediate supervisor was on leave and I had to be there). I was almost late going to school since I had to attend some sort of informal meeting with a VP. When I got to school, the prof was not yet there so I just sat there and waited for the whole thing to be over. When the prof arrived and I was handed my exam questions, my mind went blank. I just blacked out and I could not understand what was on the paper. I had to check my notes (at least it was open notes) and restudy everything. I panicked more when at 830 pm, people were submitting their papers (SO was the third person, I think, to submit his paper) and I was just done with question number 1 (the test comprised of 3 LONG questions). I had 30 minutes to finish the last 2 questions and the pressure did not help.

After the exam, I just handed my paper and took my frustration and anger at myself on my SO. Poor Leo. He wanted to talk about the exam but I refused and even snapped at him for trying to do so.

He took me home and I was not speaking to him the whole time. I was really feeling so down and depressed because my dream of graduating with honors will never be realized. I know it's such a farfetched dream, I mean who would take a girl who graduated with a CGPA of 2.3 from College seriously. No wonder I was waitlisted! This was really such a disaster.

I guess I was expecting too much on myself. I thought that I can do this but I don't think I can. It's either I have too much faith on my abilities or I'm just really not meant to be here. Maybe I should just quit this whole thing and save my money instead? I mean, who am I kidding? What is my objective to finish this thing? It won't assure me of a promotion. It won't definitely make my work easier.

Leo told me that it's not the end of the world if I do flunk and it's not. However, with so many things that are failing in my life, I hold onto every little thing that gives me a semblance of success.

Oh well, as what we say at work, LET GO. It's over and there's nothing much I can do about it right now except cry (at least it will make me feel better). If I do flunk, then probably I'll take it again. I'll just take refuge on the fact that I did well in my other subjects and accounting is my waterloo. Maybe I'll strategize better next time.