Friday, April 15, 2005

Oh Well

It has been a day of disappointments.

I knew that this day will end in a bad note when I learned that one of my American Idol favorites, Nadia Turner (picture from Idol On Fox Image), was voted out. I loved her performance (and her hair), although her latest ones are not up to par.

But what really made this day as a Disaster Day was after I took my Management Accounting final exam.

I knew that I should've taken a leave of absence today. I needed the day to focus my thoughts, but as it may, I had to go to work (my immediate supervisor was on leave and I had to be there). I was almost late going to school since I had to attend some sort of informal meeting with a VP. When I got to school, the prof was not yet there so I just sat there and waited for the whole thing to be over. When the prof arrived and I was handed my exam questions, my mind went blank. I just blacked out and I could not understand what was on the paper. I had to check my notes (at least it was open notes) and restudy everything. I panicked more when at 830 pm, people were submitting their papers (SO was the third person, I think, to submit his paper) and I was just done with question number 1 (the test comprised of 3 LONG questions). I had 30 minutes to finish the last 2 questions and the pressure did not help.

After the exam, I just handed my paper and took my frustration and anger at myself on my SO. Poor Leo. He wanted to talk about the exam but I refused and even snapped at him for trying to do so.

He took me home and I was not speaking to him the whole time. I was really feeling so down and depressed because my dream of graduating with honors will never be realized. I know it's such a farfetched dream, I mean who would take a girl who graduated with a CGPA of 2.3 from College seriously. No wonder I was waitlisted! This was really such a disaster.

I guess I was expecting too much on myself. I thought that I can do this but I don't think I can. It's either I have too much faith on my abilities or I'm just really not meant to be here. Maybe I should just quit this whole thing and save my money instead? I mean, who am I kidding? What is my objective to finish this thing? It won't assure me of a promotion. It won't definitely make my work easier.

Leo told me that it's not the end of the world if I do flunk and it's not. However, with so many things that are failing in my life, I hold onto every little thing that gives me a semblance of success.

Oh well, as what we say at work, LET GO. It's over and there's nothing much I can do about it right now except cry (at least it will make me feel better). If I do flunk, then probably I'll take it again. I'll just take refuge on the fact that I did well in my other subjects and accounting is my waterloo. Maybe I'll strategize better next time.

5 comments:

Allan said...

It's okay to make mistakes and flunk... that's how we learn... btw, i realized that i had been writting my thesis wrong so i have to revise half of my introductory essay -- which is around ten pages...

MommyBa said...

{{{hugs}}}

I know how you feel. But don't fret and try not to be too hard on yourself.

Look at the brighter side of life. Life is good and life is fun.

Take care!!!

rmacapobre said...

> CGPA of 2.3

my undergrad was GPA 2.3 ..

Mindy said...

April's turning out to be a dumper month. :( Was feeling a little blue too and my friends were also telling me the same thing: that it's not so bad, some people have it much worse. :)

Ri said...

Hey you... don't be so depressed... you've got so much going for you! And college GPAs don't really count... believe me... you're doing much better than a certain 2.9er... :p