Tough Love

I will never understand my mom, nor will she ever understand me. Ever since I was a kid we never did see eye to eye. We don't have confrontations or anything since I'm always the one who backs down, but I've always felt that she can never see my side.

I remembered the time when she insisted that I go to La Salle and not to UP or UST (my choices). Of course she got her way in the end. And my choice of boyfriends! She always had something negative to say about them. Of course, I do concede that she wants the best for me and she turned out right. If I did not go to La Salle, I would not have met the best friends in the world. If I stuck to my guns and still stayed with my previous boyfriends, I would not be with the greatest guy in the world.

Our recent battle involves my weight. She has been nagging me to lose weight ever since she learned about my skyrocketing cholesterol levels. She keeps on sending me emails wherein she lists the reasons why I should lose weight etc. etc. I did lose weight last March (16 lbs) but due to pains, I had to stop (and thereby gaining what I lost). Did I mention that she was still not yet happy with that 16 lbs? I ignored her and her emails for the past few weeks. However, her email today was the clincher. I felt so hurt that I broke down and cried. My S.O. (Significant Other) called me and I cried while he listened on the other end of the line. I'm going to print her email and that will be my motivation.

I love my mom and I know that she loves me very much. As my S.O. said, it's a tough kind of love.

Her recent email further lowered my self-esteem another notch. It made me feel that I never did anything right; that her expectations of me are so high and I'm pressuring myself to meet them. I have nothing to say in my defense because she's right. That I don't have the willpower to lose weight.

What now, you ask? Well, I'm walking and doing tae-bo. I don't know if that's enough for her. Like I always did, I'll ignore this email and will ignore her calls as well. That's why I try to be out of the house everytime she would call. Talking to her is the last thing I want. And maybe one day, I'll do something which will be good enough for her.